Anxious with new friendships

[lammers1980]

I seem to have a problem that repeats itself whenever I get acquainted with a new friend. I find when I start hanging out with somebody new (fellow male friend) I tend to have a good time, not really worrying too much. However, after I have left my friend's house or got off the phone, I can't help but go over every detail of the visit/conversation in my mind. I am worried that I might have said/did something that would either offend my friend or not want to hang out anymore. Worries usually include being rude/annoying/freeloading, such as taking more than giving, etc. Sometimes, I find these worries are troublesome and I think that others may feel I am strange that I would be so preoccupied with this, but I can't seem to stop myself. Would this be an OCD thing, or something else? Has anyone else gone through this? I used to get the same thing when I was dating, and even with my wife, when we first started seeing each other. I find it also wears off after I've been friends for a while.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

It is "an OCD thing", Steve.

It's part of you. It's how you worry. Most people will momentarily review and question social interactions, especially when they don't know the other person well -- that's a normal thing and a positive thing -- it reflects your empathy and concern for other people. When you are someone with obsessive-compulsive tendencies or traits, the way you worry is more intense and more self-critical but basically it is still just worrying.