Any one else hate travel? Or avoid it?

[bigben70]

I am taking a week off - and my wife wants to go out of town for a few days. The last time we "vacationed" out of town was 2005, and I had such terrible anxiety attacks on the road, I needed more medication than what would allow me to drive safely. (Wife got us the rest of the way there). I travelled again in 2009 for a medical consult in a nearby town - made it okay with ativan and two travel companions. I guess I travel so rarely for work and holiday that when I do travel it's still a very very disorientating and anxiety provoking situation for me.

I'm really not looking forward to this week off. I'm stressed out and tired from a 3 month stint of stress and overtime. I want to rest - I don't want to take all that anxiety medication so I can have a dozen of the typical photo album "This is me at the...." pictures. I really don't mind at all not having any of those pictures. I find travel enthusiasts to be much like sports fans - people I avoid at parties.

I know I'm supposed to look at this as a challenge and that the "wonders of travel" will open their doors to me once I get over the anxiety. Truth be told, I was never into travel as a child or young adult. The parents were not travel bugs and they took us once per year to the next province to visit relatives on summer vacation. Aside from mother making it a stressful tension filled event, I can't recall having issues being a passenger with parents on the highway. I did have panic attacks frequently when I slept over at the homes of friends and family. Hmmmmm.... some sort of abandonment fear? Separation anxiety? When I was a boy, I used to dream I was lost on the other side of the city and I was nervously trying to make my way home. In the dream, I struggled to remember landmarks but the dream version of the city was all disorganized - so I kept wandering deeper into new and unfamiliar territory. As I got older, I actually enjoyed the dreams - because they were sort of like a fantasy adventure. I would dwell on the distorted places I would visit and recall which places in real life were the theme for that particular fantasy district or area. When I travelled as a young man with friends in my 20's, I began having the attacks regularly and my avoidance of travel began. The attacks cost me a job doing "field work" requiring extensive travel. Truth be told, I can live without a job that requires extensive travel anyways!

So how do I look forward to this trip, be a "good sport" and not ruin things for my wife if I am sitting here dreading the entire experience? I can't stop thinking about it - and this feeling I anticipate having of being "stuck there" with nothing I really care to do... Most people "count the sleeps" before time off. This is ridiculous!

I wish I could change my outlook on this.

Thanks,
-Big Ben

 

[Always Changing]

Is there anyone else that your wife would go with? leaving you to rest at home?

 

[Daniel E.]

Or maybe a staycation that allows you both to enjoy the wonders of your own town/city or a nearby town that is maybe just a half hour or hour away. Or maybe seeing a play in a nearby city and spending a night there.

In other words, it doesn't have to be all-or-nothing with these trips ("baby steps," "take one day at a time," etc.)

Any one else hate travel? Or avoid it?

I used to avoid traveling even to the grocery store when I was hungry -- I would rather eat oatmeal than go shopping Part of the problem was that the more time I spent away from certain places, the more anxiety-provoking they seemed.

Even going to a yoga class can make people want to run back home. Both the problem and solution mostly concerns habituation -- i.e. habits start as threads that eventually become cables that tie people down.

 

[Retired]

Hello Ben!

Do you have anxiety with any other situation or does it manifest itself mainly around travel?

I have found that if I experienced anxiety in connection with travel, it was usually because of concerns about something unexpected happening over which I had little or no control. Reality is that in day to day life, we are constantly exposed to uncertainly, but when we are doing routine activites, such as going to and coming from work, going out for errands etc, the familiarity of the task and of the trip relieves most of the anxiety.

Some strategies that might help relieve travel anxiety could be:

• Make sure the family car (if being used for the trip) is in tip top shape and has been recently verified for safety and updated maintenance. Also purchase road hazard/towing service in the unlikely event the car breaks down along the road. Check the air in your spare tire and carry an extra quart of oil.
• Plan your trip in advance, and make reservations before starting out, so you don't have to hunt for a place to stay.
• Allow plenty of time for travel to each destination, so you are never rushed even if you encounter traffic delays.
• Use a GPS in your car for routing, to avoid taking the wrong road, and carry a cell phone for emergency.
• Make sure you have some cash in addition to your credit cards, in case of emergency.
• Keep the number of destination places to a minimum so you can relax.
• View your trip as an adventure, to see new things.
• If you have to fly, reduce your expectations to th elowest possible level, and expect inconvenience and delay....sometimes you willbe pleasantly surprised at how well it can go, as it did for me during a recent trip that involved flying

In short, being prepared, eliminating as many possible surprises and keeping expectations low might be a few things that might help.

What do you think?

 

[bigben70]

Thanks guys - for the quick replies!

@ Daniel:

"I used to avoid traveling even to the grocery store when I was hungry -- I would rather eat oatmeal than go shopping Part of the problem was that the more time I spent away from certain places, the more anxiety-provoking they seemed."

This is key I think - more avoidance = more fear = more anxiety when you eventually need to do it. I've read (and believe) exposure just might be the only way to go.

@ Always:

Well, she *could* travel with others (like girlfriends) but being her husband, and having kids, I fear they will all look back and be sad (or plain resentful) that they didn't get to enjoy travel. This was actually a big concern for me when I found out I was going to be a dad - it was like "Oh no - I don't do so many things that dad's need to DO!" Like travel, go to amusement parks, this sort of thing. I really lived a sheltered life before getting married and having kids - wow - it's been quite a struggle! My fear, Always, is that she might end up wanting to travel with someone else... like a DIFFERENT HUSBAND for instance!!

@Steve:

Thanks Steve. I appreciate your post. I always check the fluid levels. Tires. Take maps. Tools. Fire extinguisher. Money. Knife in the console (in case I need to cut safety belts...). First aid kit. I tell people where we are going and when we will get there. Cell phones. Chargers. I even took an epi-pen with me on my kids first camping trip (forgot to mention that one) last year. How do I know if they're allergic to bee stings? They've never been stung yet and the campground is 45 mins from the nearest hospital = dead kid if they're allergic. People snickered at my "paranoia". Near-tornado like storms on the way to the campground and three ativan later, we made it - but stayed in a hotel because I wouldn't let my 2 and 3 year old kids stay in a tent during weather warnings and funnel clouds. (I was the only one who thought the weather was reason to cancel the trip apparently.) I truly hate it when people disregard warnings and excuse their ignorance as if it were "positivity". Oh be positive! What are the chances! Don't worry! Sigh. I was raised to be the cautious and worried one and it's so hard to change.

I just realized I forgot one little thing: I have this strange pervasive fear of having a heart attack and being too far away from a hospital or medical help.

I guess when I panic I always think I am having a heart attack, so it stands to reason that I have this deep down fear that being further (or far far) away from medical help is a serious serious risk. When I panic in town, my first thought is "how far away am I from the nearest hospital." Wow. Now I know my I get nervous in a traffic jam. This would delay my travel time to the hospital. It also explains my fear of being in an airplane - can't hop of the plane and skydive to the nearest hospital! And they need to fly to the next city at LEAST - then land, then get you off the plane.

I avoid rigorous exercise too. I roller-bladed up until about 2006 (stopped after panicking two times in a row). I managed to do lots of stair climbing in 2007 and got my heart just POUNDING. I lifted some weights in 2009 but got dizzy spells - I was probably doing too much too fast, or just getting adrenaline dumps from anxiety. But since 2009 I have been largely sedentary - which ironically the single worst thing for my heart. I think I should get a stress test to reassure myself but the thought of someone pushing me to some extreme limit on a treadmill with tubes and wires attached to me and this makes me so anxious I don't think I could get my HR to 120 without having a full blown panic attack. Then I fear the adrenaline dump will throw the test results and they'll tell me I have heart disease anyways. It's really making my life kind of unhappy and full of fear and avoidance. My dad almost died from a heart attack at 64 (in 2000) and had heart surgery last year. High choelsterol and being "wired for stress" is an unfortunate reality in my family.

I always worry that I carry too much weight, have high blood pressure, get too much salt and am under WAY too much stress all the time. Exercise avoidance is so ironic - I am afraid of the same thing I need to do to prevent serious health problems. I am dieting carefully and have cut my salt, junk food and greasy food WAY WAY back. I am losing weight, but I know I need to exercise as well, and I also may need cholesterol lowering meds in addition to my blood pressure meds.

Sorry guys. I just needed to vent a bit about this. I want to make my wife happy, I just wish she didn't have that darned travel bug!!

Thanks again.
-Big Ben

 

[Daniel E.]

this feeling I anticipate having of being "stuck there" with nothing I really care to do...

One of the tips by Rick Steves (the American-TV travel guru on European vacations) is that there should be some time set aside in each trip for each travel partner to go their separate way and do whatever they wish.

I've read (and believe) exposure just might be the only way to go.

Yeah, exposure therapy, a.k.a. systematic desensitization, a gradual approach which is aided by cognitive therapy (addressing cognitive pitfalls like emotional reasoning, catastrophizing, etc.).
In other words, CBT, with the "C" part being the cognitive therapy and the "B" part being exposure therapy.

 

[bigben70]

Thanks, as always, for the informative links Daniel!

Yes, I have stumbled "systematic desensitization" before on the net. I will revisit this concept.

And yes, I DO tend to CATASTROPHIZE!! I have tried to work on this with a number of different therapists over the years. I grew up in a home where the mother was at a loss if she had nothing to catastrophize or exaggerate or fly off the handle about.

Sadly, this environment is where I grew up so a lot of this thinking got programmed into me. It seems so important not to program our own children with our maladaptive thinking during their formative years! But, aside from totaly isolation, our kids WILL pick up a certain amount of behaviour (and thought processes) from their parents.

Something to think about - my kids are 2 and 3..... am I "programming" them better than my mom programmed me?

Who am I kidding. Of course I am!

Thanks Daniel.

-Big Ben

 

[H011yHawkJ311yBean]

Is this going to be a road trip, airplane, train or bus?

If your wife is willing, why don't you ask your wife if she could drive in the parts that are scary for you (I found when David and I traveled that I hated driving in 8-lane freeways around the cities but I was fine driving on the highway)... You don't have to be in control all the time, that's half the problem, right? *wink* You can't be in control of everything all the time which, if I understand correctly, is part of the reason one panics. I do know what you mean about racing heart and such, as I have had a bit of those. I remember listening to my heart pound in my ears at night when I was a kid and getting more and more afraid that I was dying until I would start to cry and then call my mom. And it's happened a few times in my adulthood, only not so bad...

When you aren't driving, can you focus on calming music (wearing headphones and closing your eyes and breathing slowly listening to relaxing music or breathing meditation instructions)...?

Other than that, I kind of like the idea Daniel had of not traveling hundreds and hundreds of miles, but even to just outside of town or to a neighbouring City or Town. Even a small change where everyone can just throw bedding and towels around and not clean up dishes and do ironing and housework is a nice change. Maybe if you know someone in the same town as you're traveling to, you could all go swimming or to a cheap movie or some other form of entertainment so you would still be with people you know and not surrounded by unfamiliar faces.

One summer for when David's mom came to Regina, we planned a little 20 min trip to the valley, so we could enjoy a bed and breakfast, the farmer's market and a scenic drive in the country out by the lake. Then we were going to go to a city a couple of hours away and check out steamboat charters and a zoo as well as a nice hotel and a restaurant that is open seasonally (for the Saskatoon Berry season)... It wasn't like we drove all the way to Edmonton, but it was nice. I had also planned some "just in case" locations, like Southwest of us there is a place where they dig up T-Rex bones and such and you can join them excavating, or you can go on nature hikes, tours, etc... Watrous has a natural hot spring, but we didn't end up going there... There are also museums and art galleries and so forth, and sometimes they have kids' programs.

Get a travel brochure or check with their Chamber of Commerce or their City's Tourism or website and see what you can come up with.

 

[bigben70]

JollyGreen:

Ha ha - the internet makes people seem so far away but you brought up some interesting places, for sure!

I am from Edmonton and I have family in Saskatoon, Regina and small towns from Lloydminister to Yorkton!! I've been to Watrous three or four times and we met family there... what a neat little place in the middle of the prairies! You drive down in, and drive up back out... and the whole town is built on a hillside. You can literally "roll" down to the beach. Apparently, the old wood construction swimming pool burned down due to arson (many years ago) and now they have a new facility built there. I think it's the only salt water lake in Saskatchewan if I'm not mistaken.

My wife wants to go to Banff. That's where we went 6 years ago in 2005, and that was the last time I have travelled for a "vacation". I made it as far as Nordeg and there I stopped and had a complete meltdown. I wanted to limp back to Rocky Mountain House and then home, but the look of sheer disappointment made me go on. Since then, I travelled in 2009 to Westakiwin for a sleep study and last year to the "camping trip from h*ll". Actually it was beautiful there (just before Red Deer about 45 mins north of Stettler). But getting there was h*ll on wheels for me because we needed to drive through a storm that was (no kidding) as bad as the storm the day we had the tornado here (Black Friday, July 31, 1987). I took 2 ativan while leading a convoy of 2 other vehicles out of the storm. I used my wife's Iphone to get on the weatheroffice website and track the storm on radar. The way the storm was tracking (right towards our destination) I estimated we needed to travel straight south. 20 mins later, after driving through what seemed like a combination of a carwash and an earthquake, we landed in Stettler - and got a HOTEL ROOM!!! But we went back for the day the next day and the kids had a total blast.

Hmmmm... I always wait until I am very very anxious before I take Ativan. Maaaaaaaaaaaaybe....

Maybe I should medicate before I go INTO an anxiety provoking situation and then the anxiety might not build at all... Paramedics (anxiety attack sufferers often end up calling 911 or going to hospital) always seem to ask "Did you take your Ativan?" and I say "Well, yes, just now I did..."

"Why didn't you take it as soon as you felt your anxiety going up?"

"I try to avoid taking it as much as possible to avoid getting addicted or using it to much..."

"But that's what it's for..." :huh:

"Hmmmmmm...." :blush:

"Yeah - Hmmmmmm - next time maybe take it sooner..." :huh:

"DOH!" :facepalm:


Yes, that was an actual conversation I've had... more than once! Thanks for chiming in here JollyGreen! You somehow made me have a realization!!! And thanks for bringing back those warm fuzzies about places I've been. You know, if I had never travelled, I would not have any of those warm fuzzy memories!

Thanks for the perspective!

Cheers,
-Big Ben

 

[Retired]

"I try to avoid taking it as much as possible to avoid getting addicted or using it to much...

You have a condition that requires treatment and intervention, so use the medication your doctor prescribed for these situations. If you were a diabetic you would not be waiting to lapse into a diabetic coma before taking your insulin and if you had angina, you would not wait to take your nitroglcerin until you had a heart attack, would you? Same rationale here, if your doctor prescribed Ativan for panic and anxiety, it should be used as the doctor indicated.

In case you do not already have it, you might ask if your doctor would prescribe Ativan Sublingual (available only in Canada). Ativan has been shown to be absorbed under the tongue for quicker onset of action..not immediate but quicker than swallowing an oral tablet. Ask your doctor if this form of the medication would be right for you.

Correct way to take it: place the sublingual tablet under the deepest pocket of your tongue, and refrain from swallowing or drinking water for two minutes. The sblingual form will completely dissolve during that time and the onset of action should become apparent quicker than you probaly experienced with oral tablets.

Oral tablets can also be taken sublingually, if your don'tmind a very slight gritty residue under your tongue from the binding ingredients used in oral tablets.....but it will be absorbed just the same.

Ask your doctor about it!

 

[JennyS]

I hate travel and I am amazed at the people around me that love it. But it's the set up the coordination that I don't like. But I have to admit I am not fascinated by other cities in the US because they look a like. Nature on the other hand is a different story. The ocean and the forests do something for me. But again I don't like the idea of packing to go there.

 

[Daniel E.]

"I try to avoid taking it as much as possible to avoid getting addicted or using it to much...

To add to what Steve said, most people who drink alcohol do not become alcoholics. Similarly, most people who take benzos do not become addicted to benzos. It's not like you are already considering doctor shopping for more pills, and your concern would seem to indicate that would not be something you would do.

 

[bigben70]

Hi Steve:

Thanks for the information - I appreciate it! Actually, I've been using ativan for a number of years now - I keep it with me pretty much all time. I don't use it when I get anxious, else I'd be using it pretty much all the time. I do use it when I have the feeling the anxiety will get the better of me. So knowing when I need to take it can become a bit of a tricky business. Once I panic, I need to take considerably more of it than if I were to dose before hand, but there is the trick. If I take 2 or even three ativan to stop a panic attack, I am still taking less than if I take 1 every time I get anxious and only suspect a panic attack. Sometimes, I can feel extremely anxious and I won't panic. Other times, I feel hardly any anxiety at all and BAM - there I am. Many things make it worse - fatigue, issues with work or family, use of sleep aids, travel (huge for me)...

My doctors seem to very reluctant to give Ativan out for longer periods of time - they now want to put people on anit-depressants for longer term / chronic anxiety treatment. I can say for me, they don't work. And Anti-D's have very nasty side effects; my last one celexa and then lexapro are very bad for weight gain and cholesterol increase. (Two very significant causes of heart disease).

Thankfully, I stopped relying on MDs for psych meds and found a great psychiatrist. She has me on lamotrigine (anti-seizure as an off-label mood stabilizer), imipramine (low off-label dose tricyclic anti-d for anti-anxiety effect), and gabapentin (for general anxiety). I take ativan from time to time and always keep it with me. I sort of try to keep a stockpile of about 15 - 20 tablets on hand because I can go through that many quite quickly if I start having regular attacks. My psychiatrist never once questioned my usage of this drug, but maybe I AM taking it too sheepishly.

Yeah, Steve. You might be right here. I'm trying to avoid taking the drug I need to take. I associate using it with addiction (and possibly failure). Some people put it in my head (a long time ago) that people who quit drinking have to be very careful with these drugs. Others said that any use of these drugs at all is a no-no. Neither group were medical doctors. Just a bunch of sober drunks who knew even more than the doctors did. Some folks, too, just don't trust doctors or pharmaceuticals for any reason. You get all kinds.

Anyways, I am NATURALLY tired now and I am going to fall asleep sans medications two days running now. I had a good day at work with no "Nytol hangover" but wow was I wound up and fighting a steady stream of distractions. OCD? ADHD? I want to focus on work so badly... Some days it seems impossible. Today was one of those days. I need to go in tomorrow and play "catch up".

Cheers,
-Big Ben

 

[Always Changing]

Yeah, Steve. You might be right here. I'm trying to avoid taking the drug I need to take.

I would agree with this.
When I was experiencing panic attacks a while back... the panic would start (just like yours has) long before the actual "event", in your case (at the min) its the thoughts of travelling, and all that you have outlined and this is before you even set out. My doctor advised me to start taking the med the day before and on the morning of "going ???".
and so I am thinking that in your case, You could in my humble opinion, maybe start to take your ativan daily (at this time given that the trip is imminent) to help calm your thinking and slow the panic process down some. Ring your psychiatrist for advice on this as I am no doctor ok, (and no two people are the exact same as regards panic attacks, what works for me, may not work for you) and also ask her if it might be okay to up the dose if necessary to help while on your vacation. You can taper back down and come off it again after your trip so the risk\fear of you becoming addicted to it is taken away.

my 2cents worth.

 

[bigben70]

Thanks for chiming in Jenny! I know what it's like to be the only one at a party who's not into travel! I don't get it either, but then again when I was a kid we would be quite excited to travel. Even then, however, we travelled only to one place (with two stops on the way) to visit relatives. We never (now that I think about it) travelled for the sake of travel very much except for two or three trips to the mountains. I like the mountains, but since I don't ski anymore I have little reason to go. Although I've done some "hiking" in town along the river valley, I'm just not that adventurous to go hiking or mounting biking or hill climbing etc. So, not really being a "mountain sports" person, I feel that having seen the mountains a number of times is sort of.... good enough. So yes, I do have an appreciation for nature as well, but the older I get the more I am just fine with experiencing nature on the Discover Channel!! Some people like to make those programs, and others just like to watch them I guess.

Cheers,
-Big Ben

---------- Post added at 12:24 PM ---------- Previous post was at 12:06 PM ----------

Ooops. The editor said my time was up. That's a new one!

@Daniel:

"Similarly, most people who take benzos do not become addicted to benzos. It's not like you are already considering doctor shopping for more pills, and your concern would seem to indicate that would not be something you would do."

Yes Daniel - I've often thought this myself. I've used Ativan with great care over the years and my use of it has never come into question. I don't "ask around" in the twelve step community because there will always be zealots and "born agains" who don't even take aspirin. (I got out of the 12-step community for a number of reasons but being "told" about my medications, therapy and psychiatry and how only "the program" was needed... well, for me that kind of control and dependency on JUST THEM had a eerie cult-like feel.)

@Always Changing:

Nobody has EVER told me this but it makes sense! I have been told by every doctor that gave me Ativan to "take it when you start feeling anxious"! Incredible. How many times I would be awake, sleepless, the night before a trip and then get up on 4 hours sleep to face my biggest fear - being shuttled off to some tiny airport to get onto a small plane. No wonder I was so anxious. All the anticipation to boot. People who don't anticipate (build up fear) just can't appreciate how anxiety provoking ordinary situations can be! This makes good sense. But now that I think about it there is a "circle" of professionals in the anxiety treatment community who actually believe that ativan (and benzo) use actually makes long-term anxiety worse because it is somehow involved in the avoidance cycle.

Anyways, thanks to all of you for chiming in here. I think I will revist this issue with my psychiatrist and talk to her about the ativan. She seems "anti-ativan" as many other Canadian doctors are these days - now family doctors are handing out SSRI anti-d's for anxiety treatment (questionable) and psychiatrists are using gaba-pentin or off-label anti-psychotics like risperdal and seroquel. In my heart, I think that the problem is that I have a phobia of something I do INFREQUENTLY!! I have heard many people with highway driving and travel anxiety overcome this by simply getting a job that required daily travel. They often say things like "It was very bad at first and I needed meds. Then, slowly, the fear of travel got lower and lower and now I drive all the time now."

I'd like to be able to drive to neat-o places for my kids. Because for kids, ANYWHERE new you take them is a new neat-o place. My kids are going to have fun and do things - I won't have it any other way, even if it means having them join family and friends on trips. I'd like it better to show them things myself, and be there to witness their awe and wonderment.

My wife told me that she'd be happy to get a hotel room in town as long as it had a hot tub. I actually want to try and surprise her and book the hotel - 4 hours away - and just hit the highway and surprise her. She's been so patient with me all these years.... it could end badly, but still showing her I care enough to try and go outside my comfort zone would be a very nice gesture considering the other problems we're having these days...

Thanks again gang!
Cheers,
-Big Ben

 

[bigben70]

Hi Gang:

Me and my wife got back from our trip on Friday. We left in the afternoon on Wednesday. We were supposed to leave around 11:00 am Wednesday but I went to the hospital Wednesday around 2:30am because I could not sleep, my heart was pounding, my BP was 150/110 and I had heart burn. I knew I was having an anxiety attack but the nurse on the phone said with a high BP and the heart burn I should go in. So I took a 1mg ativan and went in. I was still very anxious in the waiting room 2 hours later so I took another. I got home, still shaky, took another and finally got to sleep at 7am. I got up at 1:30 and said to my wife "Okay! Let's finish packing and go!"

We drove to our destination 4.5 hours away and I did not have very much trouble at all. It was already 10:00pm when we arrived instead of 4:00pm like we had planned so we ate and went to bed.

In the morning, I suddenly felt very aware that I was not at home. I was very anxious and took 1mg of Ativan. I was thinking about the activities my wife wanted to do that day and I just felt anxious about the whole thing and I was not looking forward to anything. I took another 0.5mg about an hour later and the rest of the day didn't go so bad. The next day, we checked out and toured around one last time. I was anxious on the road I was on (new road) and despite the nice scenery I wanted to turn back. The road finally led us to the main road so we headed out. My anxiety got worse and worse as we drove. I took 2 or 3 mg of Ativan just to get to the main highway - about 1 hour into our 3.5 hour trip back home. Once I got on the main highway I felt better and better the closer we got to home.

Today is Sunday and since returning Friday afternoon I've been miserable. I still feel zonked and tired from the stress and medication. Yesterday I could feel my "world" collapsing down again and I was so avoidant I could not believe it. I didn't want to be around anyone, or do anything. I went to dinner with the kids, the wife, and her parents and brother. We went in their van and my wife asked if we should take our car (because she knows I don't like being "stuck" in someone elses vehicle) but I said no, and drove everyone there. Dinner was quite nice actually and my boy impressed me with how he ate new things and was so well behaved. My daughter was being cute for the waitress and generally cooperated too. Without my wife's family being so supportive I'd be at a loss. My own family is not really able to help me much, they have their own issues. Yesterday everything seemed to bother me. Noises or sounds and especially TV or radio commercials just drove me nuts. I just wanted to stay in bed. Today I am trying to think about positive things to do but I have zero motivation to do anything. I suppose I will do the grocery shopping and perhaps mow the lawn.

My wife wanted to plan the same trip but with her parents, siblings, and the kids. (Actually she mentioned this as we headed home which did not help my anxiety on the drive back). I told her NO WAY. I barely made it through this trip and I did not want to be taking ativan on the highway with my kids in the back. And for me, doing things with the kids is anxiety provoking enough but if I add the anxiety of travel in, I don't think I could handle it. So I asked her if we could perhaps go to a closer destination (lake or something) where I don't have to deal with 4.5 hours of being on the road before even getting there.

My last trip with just the two of us was 2004. My wife said this one (2011) was better and she had more fun. But she says after trips I "make her pay for it" but I think it's more of a case of this "post trip mental crash' I seem to have. I don't feel renewed and rested and "more experienced" and confident after a trip. I feel exhausted, miserable and LESS confident after a trip. I know "exposure" therapy is supposed to be the best approach, but it seems like I snap back after a rubber band after each trip, and I never look forward to the next one. I know my wife is not going to wait 7 years for another 2-day weekend getaway! This trip had it's moments, but the anxiety always seems to make the trips far more work and effort (for me) than they are worth. You go to the dentist despite anxiety because it's necessary and only a couple of hours. But for me, travelling is extremely anxiety provoking and hardly necessary in my view.

This travel thing is the bane of my existence!!

Thanks for listening.
-Big Ben

 

[Daniel E.]

I know "exposure" therapy is supposed to be the best approach, but it seems like I snap back after a rubber band after each trip, and I never look forward to the next one.

Given the infrequency of these trips, I wouldn't make too many conclusions. Personally, I feel much less exhausted than I used to after taking trips.

Certainly, it may help to ask your therapist for some cognitive therapy to help you re-appraise things and to help you with deciding the right "dose" of the next exposure.

My guess is that overcoming your travel anxiety will help you with your general anxiety as well. It would be hard to imagine otherwise.

 

[bigben70]

"Given the infrequency of these trips..."

Daniel:

I think you're absolutely right - the problem for me is that I rarely travel and if I want to make progress travelling I think I need to do it more than once per year. I should clarify that although 2004 was the last time I travelled with my wife "as a couple" I have travelled for medical reasons, a funeral, and very occasional work related travel.

I'd like to say I would do it more, but everytime I do travel I am left with this very intense "I am so glad that is over" feeling that it makes sense that I would not want to do it again any time soon.

My therapist wants to do EMDR with me, so perhaps this is the first anxiety trigger we can look at.

Thanks Daniel.
-Big Ben

 

[H011yHawkJ311yBean]

Here are some probably whacky questions you could probably ask your therapist (because I can't relate to the trip anxiety, but I have anxiety, so I can understand how it feels, only I feel it differently, if you get my drift: same but different)...

-- can you ask your therapist if you can take the medication during a vacation even before you feel anxious? Can you start taking it one or two days before your trip, and then while on the trip and then slowly wean yourself off of it near the end of the trip or after it so you don't have a sort of crash? (or maybe you just have a crash from the release of all the stress after the trip, I don't know)...

-- maybe you can try once a month just driving yourself somewhere (less stress than you, kids and wife, right?) -- a short distance that will just take a few hours to get to the destination and back again... Then you are used to that at some point... Maybe in a couple months, maybe in 6 months, maybe in a year...

Then maybe try driving once a month to a place where it takes a half day to get there, have lunch, then drive back again so you are still home the same day...

Then if you get used to that, then drive out to somewhere with your wife once a month where you have to stay overnight at a friend's or hotel overnight and drive back the next day.

Eventually you might be able to drive once a month out to a place with the kids and your wife, even if it is just to stay overnight in a hotel with an indoor waterslide, no dishes, visiting some destination that will take only a half day or a day's drive to get back and maybe stay on Friday night and Saturday night and drive home on Sunday... You know? Slowly build yourself up to it.

Then by the time a bigger excursion is scheduled it may not be so hard to take, ya?

 

[Daniel E.]

but everytime I do travel I am left with this very intense "I am so glad that is over" feeling that it makes sense that I would not want to do it again any time soon.

It's easy for me to imagine that these trips will seem less dramatic with enough habituation.

And, of course, the key is to not let those feelings affect your behavior. That's partly why people develop these anxieties in the first place.