Any thoughts?

[Kuroshashu]

As weak as this sounds, even to me, I drink, drive etc, because it's quite effective a release and some kind or release is required from time to time. Granted, a safer release would be preferable but, as previously mentioned, may also be a contradiction in terms.
Yes, I'm aware that a psychologist is nessicary, but I'm in rather dire straights finacially at the moment, so it's going to have to wait for some time yet.

 

[ThatLady]

Isn't there any provision where you live for therapy for those who can't afford to pay, Kuro? You really do need some help to deal with all the things you're trying to deal with, both past and present.

As Daniel said, alcohol is a depressant, so it's just making things worse in the long run. It sounds like you really want to be a part of things, and to have someone as part of your life, even though you're afraid to try. With your background, the fear is understandable and even commendable. Yet, what you fear doesn't have to be. Anger management can be learned, and bipolar disorder (if that's the problem) can be treated. Life can be enjoyable for you, but it sounds like you're going to need some professional help to realize the joy of living. :hug:

 

[Into The Light]

i would like to suggest you find yourself a family doctor, since you do not have one, and take it from there. i am not sure how the health system works in australia and if you are going to run into waiting lists or not, but it would be well worth the effort to get one. a doctor may then be able to further help you with resources for those who can't afford the costs associated with therapy.

 

[Daniel E.]

From what I just read at the Australia goverment site, Medicare is "accessible and affordable to all Australians, often provided free of charge at the point of care." (Source)

Related Link:
Medicare Australia - Our Services

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Canada (and the UK) also has medicare that is "accessible and affordable to all [citizens], often provided free of charge at the point of care"... in theory.

In practice, it means that if you can't afford a private psychologist, you will be on a waiting list for government funded services for 1 to 2 years typically. And the situation has become worse over the past decade and continues to deteriorate today.

 

[Kuroshashu]

Hello all.
It's been quite a while and I think I've missed updating this string. Well, I've had a couple jobs since and they've all gone pear-shaped. I was a pipe-courier for a week until I realised that the boss, in addition to asking me to do things that could loose my license and calling upwards of thirty times a day, was withholding pay secretly. He now thinks I live in South Australia. Problem is, I need a certificate from him to claim social security or health care. Interesting catch really. I've tried to talk to office into granting some leniency and, while they're happy to do so, the computer's programmers responsible for their systems never foresaw this possibility and so my claim is canceled within seconds. This comes with a series of nasty side-effects. Without some kind of income, I cannot find alternate housing and so am forced to remain with my father, a great source of depression. Additionally, I cannot buy any alcohol or petrol, which happen to be my favourite pastimes. Oh, I did come into some money a week ago, but I'm afraid I blew it on prostitutes and alcohol. A little bit of background if I may, I attended the most elite high school in my state and, by extension, my nation. I took all the difficult scientific courses and graduated with all sorts of honours, despite having repeated the second last year due to a mental break-down. Now, two years later, all my friends are half-way to being doctors, scientists, sociologists, psychologists and the like, while I can't hold a job stacking pallets. Quite a depressing thought, isn't it? **** it, I need a drink.

 

[Kuroshashu]

Well, it seems I've done it now. I've no idea how it happened, but apparantly tonight was the last straw for my friends. I don't know how it happened, but I got separated from them and ended up sleeping in a doctors garden while they looked for me for several hours. I'm now banned from drinking at their houses or whille with them. Oh well, **** it. I can live without them. Although I am out of vodka. I just don't get the big deal though. So I vanish. So what? For all they know, I picked up and was enjoying a romantic evening with some delightful woman. Granted, that's unlikely in the extreme, but all the same....
Bah, **** them all.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I wonder if your friends are opting out of what for them is an enabling relationship where they see you self-destructing in front of their eyes.

Perhaps you need to seriously consider your alcohol use. You said before you can't afford or can't find a therapist, but AA is free for everyone. That might be a starting point.

 

[Into The Light]

So I vanish. So what?

well, personally, i would be extremely upset if i lost one of my friends during a night out and had no idea what happened to them. i would be worried sick.

i think david's suggestion is a good one. you need to take care of yourself. in the end we all are responsible for our own lives. i hope you will consider it. you're worthy of having a healthy, happy life.

 

[Kuroshashu]

Yeah, you may have a point there David Baxter. Damn. That was one of the points on which I swore that I'd never follow my father's wretched example, yet here we are. I suppose all is not lost. I'm still invited to the event of the month; Hayley's 21st, on the proviso that I don't drink before/during or after. How does one unwind after a hard week of wishing death upon thine nearest and dearest though, if not through massive amounts of alcohol? Heh, re-reading that sentence, I'm now convinced that AA maybe the way. Oh well, ce la vie.
By the way, what do you mean by enabling relationship?

 

[David Baxter PhD]

An enabler is someone who, by inaction or failure to take action to curb an undesirable or destructive behavior, by accepting the undesirable or destructive behavior, implicitly encourages that behavior.

In other words, if your friends do not forbid you to drink while around them, they are in effect encouraging you to do so, or at the very least saying they're okay with it. If they really care about your welfare, that's obviously not a message they want to give you.

 

[Kuroshashu]

Wow, I suppose that makes me an enabler of all sorts of nasty things. Although, that also makes Britain an enabler of the Third Reich, so I've nothing to be asshamed of I suppose.
Yeah, my friends are extraordinary people. I suppose they've a point.

 

[Kuroshashu]

Well, here we are. Update time again. I've found a place to move away from my family, which is always a positive move. That's not really fair, but still true. I've also found a job and I'm earning a reasonable wage and, quite astonishingly, my employers impressed enough to keep asking me back. My friends appear to have relented on the anti-me boycott that was in effect. Also, I've gone a fortnight without an alcoholic beverage, although this being the end of the week, I've now broken that record-breaking straight. Strange notion that, having a drink in honour of not having a drink... At any rate, one might go as far as to say that things are, for the time being, looking at. A few problems remain; I seem to have contracted (if that's the word) insomnia, having slept only about 7 hours in the last four days, but it's not having too great an effect. No bother. I still find myself rather drawn to the trees on the side of the road while driving though and it's still rather common for me to find myself saying "I don't want to live" like it were some kind of mantra. My facial ticks have come back after quite an absence, but that's not a problem per se. Anyway, good day to one and all.
Kuroshashu.

 

[ThatLady]

It's great to hear you've found a place to move, Kuro! That's not only going to give you a new start, it will give you things to do and think about that will help to keep your mind, and time, occupied.

It's also good to hear you went an entire fortnight without a drink! Even if you slipped a bit at the end, that's still an accomplishment of which to be very proud. Today's a new day and a new start. :hug:

 

[Kuroshashu]

*Sigh* well I've started fantasising about chewing lead, which I suppose is a definite turn for the worse. It's been three weeks since I've had work, I'm out of money, my car's windshield's been smashed and a gas company is, after mis-interpreting my perfectly simple request to cancel my supply, is now trying to charge me money I don't have for gas I didn't use. Oh, and a kitten is chewing my lip. And now I face an interesting dichotomy. This has turned into a senseless whine that you don't want to read, but I feel mysteriously impelled to post it. Anyway, worry ye not, for in this country firearms are rather difficult to come by. Well, that's a lie, I've a license with which I could buy one with little hassle. Now there's a thought I wish I hadn't had.