Are you Passive, Aggressive, or Assertive?

[H011yHawkJ311yBean]

Are you Passive, Aggressive, or Assertive?
Here are some links that might help you. The reason I am posting them here is that sometimes when a person was raised by someone to BE passive (go with the flow in fear of upsetting someone, for example) they may not realize there is a way to change. Sometimes a person was raised to believe that the only way to be/survive in a relationship is to be the one who has the control and the power in everything, possibly being aggressive. The best way to handle things is assertively - there is no need for being passive nor is there a need to be aggressive when you are trying to get something done or get what you need.

Assertiveness: What is Assertiveness and Why be Assertive?
Good stuff here... Ya wanna be heard, right? Differences between Assertiveness and Aggressiveness.... Click on the link at the bottom of the page to read the next page.... Some partial quotes...

Passive Behavior: Slouches and withdraws
Aggressive Behavior: Stands rigidly, crosses arms, invades others' personal space
Assertive Behavior: Relaxes and adopts an open posture and expressions

Passive Behavior: Isolates self from groups
Aggressive Behavior: Controls groups
Assertive Behavior: Participates in groups

Passive Behavior: Agrees with others, despite feelings
Aggressive Behavior: Only considers own feelings, and/or demands of others
Assertive Behavior: Speaks to the point

Passive Behavior: Values self less than others
Aggressive Behavior: Values self more than others
Assertive Behavior: Values self equal to others

Refuse requests if they are unreasonable.

It's perfectly appropriate to turn down requests if they are unreasonable or if you don't have the time or resources. For example, if someone asks you to do something that makes you feel uncomfortable or you think is wrong, it's fine to simply say no ("I'm sorry but I don't feel right doing that" or "I'm sorry but I can't help you with that.") It's also fine to turn down someone if you feel overwhelmed. If you are concerned that you aren't being fair to others, ask if their favors are fair to you (would you ask the same of them? would you expect them to say yes every time?) You can always offer to help in the future or help in another way ("I'm sorry but I don't have time to help you with that today, but I could help you tomorrow" or "I won't write your report for you, but I'd be happy to talk to you about it and read it over when you're done.") As long as you don't turn down every request that comes your way, you shouldn't feel guilty.

Question rules or traditions that don't make sense or don't seem fair.

Just because something 'has always been that way' doesn't mean it's fair. If you feel a tradition or rule is unfair to you or others, don't be afraid to speak up and question why that rule exists. Rather than break a rule or law, find out the reasoning behind it. If you still think it's wrong, talk to friends or coworkers, work with counselors and legislators, and see if there is a way to change it. While some rules are less flexible and should be respected (for example, a family's decision not to allow cigarette smoking in their house or the state laws about drunk driving), others may be open to debate (for example, why a public place doesn't have wheelchair access or your school computers aren't compatible with assistive technology.)

Learning to be Assertive
Inspired by someone on my Facebook Group... 8D *hugs*

Standing up for your rights and not being taken advantage of is one definition of being assertive.

It also means communicating what you really want in a clear fashion, respecting your own rights and feelings and the rights and feelings of others.
Assertion is an honest and appropriate expression of one's feelings, opinions, and needs

This is a bit tongue-in-check, but still illustrates the point beautifully!

How To Be Assertive (Communication Skills)