I believe that difficulties resulting from damaged early attachment are far more prevalent that a lot of mental health professionals realise, although this is slowly changing and more and more therapists are now "attachment-based".
It was only through my own research when I wondered what the hell was wrong with me, that I realised I had significant attachment problems, this was later verified by a mental health professional, but as yet, the traditional therapy I have been in has not even begun to address these issues.
I am generally isolated, I never form close friendships really, although am friendly and have some superficial friends, I dont know how to be close with people. I havent had a problem with parenting because its unconditional, I dont expect anything back and I am the "carer" so in control and that side of things has been a success, at least I have a close good relationship with my kids who are now grown up and seem fine. The problem I have is that when anyone, and especially someone in a caring role, like a minister, a doctor, a mentor etc., shows an interest in me, I virtually become obsessed with them. I switch from being distant to excessively needy of that person, I tell them more of my personal stuff than is wise and I am desparate for them to "see" me, validate me, love me and care. I crave them to connect with me .. and then if they dont call me, dont show any interest or ignore me for a while I fall into total despair, anger and depression. But basically I act like a 3 year old!
I have coped with this roller coaster of attachment difficulties all my life and I can cope with it a bit better now, by avoiding the attachment that I crave, or if I do get into it, to cut myself off pretty quick. I feel like the only comfortable way for me to survive though is totally alone and yet I am unbearably lonely.
I dont think I am unique in this actually, as trawling other forums I have come across others with similar attachment difficulties, who like me, are being treated for depression or anxiety or eating disorders ... all accompaniments to attachment problems ... but not the actual issues!
I suppose I relate this back to early abuse from my father and a mother that I adored who wsnt very adoring of me and was always ill, away from home, depressed and withdrawn who died when I was a child. I was then abandoned by my father and ended up alone and on the street at 15... but understanding why I still have this insatiable infantile need to be held, validated and loved, doesnt help me manage the feelings today.
If anyone has anything helpful to say about this, even if its practical ways of coping, I'd be pleased to hear it. I'm not sure how or if I can be healed, its just something missing that needs to be there. I dont know if I can rationalise myself out of this in therapy. The only real healing for a lack of love is love!
It was only through my own research when I wondered what the hell was wrong with me, that I realised I had significant attachment problems, this was later verified by a mental health professional, but as yet, the traditional therapy I have been in has not even begun to address these issues.
I am generally isolated, I never form close friendships really, although am friendly and have some superficial friends, I dont know how to be close with people. I havent had a problem with parenting because its unconditional, I dont expect anything back and I am the "carer" so in control and that side of things has been a success, at least I have a close good relationship with my kids who are now grown up and seem fine. The problem I have is that when anyone, and especially someone in a caring role, like a minister, a doctor, a mentor etc., shows an interest in me, I virtually become obsessed with them. I switch from being distant to excessively needy of that person, I tell them more of my personal stuff than is wise and I am desparate for them to "see" me, validate me, love me and care. I crave them to connect with me .. and then if they dont call me, dont show any interest or ignore me for a while I fall into total despair, anger and depression. But basically I act like a 3 year old!
I have coped with this roller coaster of attachment difficulties all my life and I can cope with it a bit better now, by avoiding the attachment that I crave, or if I do get into it, to cut myself off pretty quick. I feel like the only comfortable way for me to survive though is totally alone and yet I am unbearably lonely.
I dont think I am unique in this actually, as trawling other forums I have come across others with similar attachment difficulties, who like me, are being treated for depression or anxiety or eating disorders ... all accompaniments to attachment problems ... but not the actual issues!
I suppose I relate this back to early abuse from my father and a mother that I adored who wsnt very adoring of me and was always ill, away from home, depressed and withdrawn who died when I was a child. I was then abandoned by my father and ended up alone and on the street at 15... but understanding why I still have this insatiable infantile need to be held, validated and loved, doesnt help me manage the feelings today.
If anyone has anything helpful to say about this, even if its practical ways of coping, I'd be pleased to hear it. I'm not sure how or if I can be healed, its just something missing that needs to be there. I dont know if I can rationalise myself out of this in therapy. The only real healing for a lack of love is love!
