Being rational

[Ashley-Kate]

well today i went and saw the educator that witnessed the hole thing this week-end and i did not even have to talk she had everyone in her office out and then asking me who the guy was and telling me she did not like the way he was with me she also informed the school security to watch for him! So i got an appointment with the police officer in the afternoon and well drin gthattime i met with the psychoogist i am seeing who was very helpfull about it explaning to me that i need to protect myself that i can't let myself be manipulated by him , than this afternnon the police and they told me that he would have to basicly tuch me inapropriatly as in sexual assault or physical for me to be able to make a complainte seeings how we already had a relationship that we were physicly close as in hugs therefore it would have been not enough for him to have started flirting with me fallowing me to work and all to do anything i need to wait. they also want me to go see him and tell him i don't want to be with him,.. they don't get it

 

[Into The Light]

a-k, you did a lot of helpful things today, i am very happy to hear you were able to talk to all the various people that you did.

as for them wanting you to tell him you don't want to be with him, would it be possible to do this with someone with you? for example your mom? or maybe someone you've talked to from school? this would make it possible for you to do it.

 

[Ashley-Kate]

the thing is i have not left the house exept to go to school in like 2 days i am too scared to leave how woul i be able to leave plus see him

 

[Halo]

AK

I just want to say that I think what you accomplished today was great. I am proud of you for speaking out about what happened and for taking action to keep yourself safe.

I do agree with Ladybug about taking someone with you if you choose to go and see him. This person is definitely NOT someone you want to approach alone. Another couple of things to remember is that there is not set time in which you have to see him or that you even have to see him at all. It is your choice, your decision, your life. Only you know what is best for you but we will be here to support you.

Take care
:hug:

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Why not have a friend or family member deliver that message by telephone? Or you could write a short note telling him you do not wish to have any further contact with him and have someone deliver that letter to his door for you. Have that person read and witness the letter.

I don't see any reason why you should have to confront him.

 

[Ashley-Kate]

my psyhcologist told me that she could even wirte a letter with the name of her compagny cause she works for a center for help for victims of sexual assault and well she would bring me with her if i wanted to bring him the letter and she woudl stay with me and wanr him that if he doesn't lay off the police is the next step.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

That sounds like a plan to me.

 

[ThatLady]

I definitely like the idea of taking your psychologist with you if you see this person. If you really feel like you can't face him, even if someone is with you, you could always allow your psychologist to write him a letter as she suggests, and put your own note with it in an envelope. Just tell him to stay away from you and that you don't want to see him again - ever! Put your psychologist's letter and your note in an envelope and send them to him, registered and certified so you'll have proof he received them. That should cover you completely. :hug:

 

[Heather]

Hun not good and yeah it is not your fault you sent him no messages and the letter does sound like a great idea.

Heather...

P.S. if you feel comfy doing so, pls let us know how it all goes.

 

[Halo]

my psyhcologist told me that she could even wirte a letter with the name of her compagny cause she works for a center for help for victims of sexual assault and well she would bring me with her if i wanted to bring him the letter and she woudl stay with me and wanr him that if he doesn't lay off the police is the next step.

This definitely sounds like a good plan and it is really nice to hear that your psychologist is willing to help.

Take care
:hug:

 

[Ashley-Kate]

after having locked myself in the house for the past 3 days i did not leave only to get a ride to school my mom could n't take it anymore and told me to get out so i went to see her at work and .. he got there a couple of minutes after me .. i then left as soon as he got there escorted by my sister .. and as soon as we left he left as well when i got home i went ot get my stuff for the gym went to the gym. his car was there , i came right back home and i am not leaving at all tonight i am freeking out i hate this i can't breath.. i feel inmprisonned
ashley

 

[David Baxter PhD]

That's called "stalking" in this country, Ashley. Have you delivered the message or had someone deliver it for you to tell him to stay away from you? Once you've done that, if he continues to ignore your request, it's time to lay charges.

 

[Ashley-Kate]

i haven't sent it out yet cause i have not seen my psychologist yet since i will see her on monday of next week

 

[David Baxter PhD]

OK. I guess at this point your best bet is to continue doing what you can to avoid him - or ask your mother to intervene by telling him to back off.

 

[Ashley-Kate]

tomorrow i am goingto have to go face to face with him if i ever intend on pressing charges i need ot say clearly to him that i do not want him to come near me anymore .. i was working earlier and he came 2 times and well i called the people that work with me to come replace me and i enede up having to hide in the back for about 15 minutes cause he was waiting outside and the guy that was working with me did not want me to get out until he was gone .. i am freeking out i can't stand this so tomrrow i am really going to go tell him, .. at the gym where there is a lot of people that i want him to take distnaces from me cause i feel uncomfrotable with the approch he had with me last week,,
i am sooo scared.
yours trully
ashley

 

[foghlaim]

Ashley, you do not have to meet this guy at all. wait until you speak to your psychologist 1st, on monday.
As T L wrote you could

Put your psychologist's letter and your note in an envelope and send them to him, registered and certified so you'll have proof he received them. That should cover you completely.

I would hope the letters are enough to give him the message loud and clear!.

Mean time, make sure you have company if\when you are going anywhere.
(do you have a camera??, maybe whoever is accompanying you can take pics of him in your vicinity. That could further strengthen your need for a restraining order if it comes to that)

I can only imagine how hard this is for you and how scary it is.. just remember you have ppl who are able and willing to help you deal with this, so please do not meet the guy at anytime on your own.

:hug: :hug:

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I can well understand that this is frightening and more than a little creepy, Ashley, but to put it in perspective it really doesn't sound like he poses any physical danger to you. He's convinced himself that he loves you so he's following you around. It's unlikely that his motive is to hurt you.

That isn't to say I don't think you should take action against him to keep him away from you. I just don't want you to be panicking about what he might do to you.

 

[foghlaim]

It's unlikely that his motive is to hurt you.

I was thinking this as well, Ashley.. when i said don't meet him on your own, my thoughts were that he could play on your emotions and maybe give you a hard time with whatever he might say to you. If you have company when you go out, my guess is he would be unlikely to approach you.

I hope this gets sorted out soon for you.

 

[Heather]

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Strength hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

 

[foghlaim]

Hi Ashley, how's things with you today. Did you get the letter from your psychologist? or did you speak to him as you were saying you were going to?

thinkinging of you ok.