• Quote of the Day
    "You have it easily in your power to increase the sum total of this world's happiness by
    giving a few words of sincere appreciation to someone who is lonely or discouraged."
    Dale Carnegie, posted by Cat Dancer

Incubus9083

Member
Joined
Nov 10, 2005
Messages
7
Points
1
Its been a while since I talked with my ex. Since the breakup we havent spoken much. We have spoken very few words when we would see eachother. But now he wont even speak to me. He was cheating on me, and he didnt even tell me it was over, he just stopped seeing me and would go off and spend time with his boyfriend. In front of me they would be together. I wish I would have fought to keep him, but its too late. I think hes single now, and all my friends tell me I should start talking with him. But he doesnt want to have anything to do with me. And I cant confront him, I am too nervous and scared. I cant recall anything I did to make him upset or want to leave me. Not sure what to think anymore. He is constantly on my mind.
Dont know what to do.. Can someone offer any advice?
 

Eunoia

Member
Joined
Feb 14, 2005
Messages
785
Points
16
ok, if I understand correctly your ex b/f cheated on you, didn't feel it was necessary to inform you of his decision to end the relationship with you and made a point out of being w/ his b/f in front of you through all of this..... why would you want to take him back hun??? Does he really deserve you? I'd have to say I'm sure you deserve more respect and consideration than that. Don't blame yourself for what he did, yes, maybe you could have "fought harder" but that's saying that you're taking blame for this and maybe things weren't going great or he needed something else but that's when you end a relationship failry or try to work on things- not go and cheat on the person and not even seem to care about it or you.

It's been a while since you've talked, and I'm sure it took some time to get over the fact that the relationship was over and how it ended- going back to him (even if he is single) will only make things so much harder- do you want to get back together w/ him or just talk as friends??? Not only will this probably not end successfully, but you said he doesn't want to talk to you, so I think by running after him you'd lose that last piece of control and dignity- it's a no win situation if he isn't even open to discussing things! Don't blame yourself, I know you are but again, it was his decision to cheat, it was his decision to end the relationship without telling you and it is his decision not to talk to you. Don't try to figure out what you did or how you could have made him upset- a mature person thinks about why they're upset and tries to talk about things, so even if he was, his consequent actions don't show much effort in trying to resolve the conflict.

I hope that you're able to see some of this, and that you will be able to find someone better than this, b/c you deserve better... maybe not now, maybe not tomorrow- enjoy being single while you are, it can be a whole lot of fun!! Try to distract yourself w/ friends (who are supportive), activities you like, hobbies.... things that make you feel good about yourself. I know things aren't as easy as I may have made them sound, but that wasn't my intention, I know it'll take time and a whole lot of looking at things from different angles....
 

Diana

Member
Joined
May 26, 2005
Messages
297
Points
16
I haven't been through a situation similar to yours, but I was in a relationship where things were going on behind my back. One thing that really upsets me is continuously disrespecting someone behind his/her back. I have much more respect for someone who breaks up with his/her partner even if he/she lies about the reason for doing so.
It sounds like your boyfriend kind of knew he should break up with you, but didn't have enough courage to do so. Therefore, he just turned away and waited for you to realize what was going on. Well, if he can do that to you then he OBVIOUSLY isn't the right person for you.
Eunoi is right. Have fun. It's wonderful to be in love, but there's a lot to be said for the fun you can have when you're single. Take advantage of it! Rejection hurts, but you just have to realize that you alone are good enough, with or without a partner. Let us know how you're doing.
 

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