Hi, I am a person who shares a body with several people. I don't care if the people who read this don't believe me, but I need to talk this out. Somehow. I am supposed to be the "protecting alter". Yeah, right. More like the "b*tchy alter". I finally confessed to our psychiatrist last week that I was not able to protect a single one of us at any time. I was just a wimp. Every time one of us was being hurt, I would just run away and cry. I wanted to help them. I wanted to kill whoever was hurting them. But I just took off. Today I can sound tough, but whenever someone gets really scared of something, I just freeze up or run away! The doc says I just didn't have the right "tools". So, what was the point? Why was I made if I couldn't do the job I was made to do? It just doesn't make any sense.
Now I am crying all of the time. I am dragging everyone else down, too. I want to scream at everyone. I hate it when people laugh at us, even when they are not being mean. People always laughed at us when we were being hurt. They enjoyed it! Even our school teachers made fun of us in front of the whole class. We were always dirty, we never combed our hair or anything. The teachers would use us as an example for anything bad like bad grades, bad study habits, bad hygiene, bad attendence. They acted as if they were savoring the effect they had on us.
I can't shake this. Every time I come out I just start crying again. Then when I go back inside, everyone else feels like crying too and they just badger me to stop. As if! I wish I could. I hate feeling like this. Barb
Now I am crying all of the time. I am dragging everyone else down, too. I want to scream at everyone. I hate it when people laugh at us, even when they are not being mean. People always laughed at us when we were being hurt. They enjoyed it! Even our school teachers made fun of us in front of the whole class. We were always dirty, we never combed our hair or anything. The teachers would use us as an example for anything bad like bad grades, bad study habits, bad hygiene, bad attendence. They acted as if they were savoring the effect they had on us.
I can't shake this. Every time I come out I just start crying again. Then when I go back inside, everyone else feels like crying too and they just badger me to stop. As if! I wish I could. I hate feeling like this. Barb