Chronic Suicidality ... Playing the long game ...

[A Nonny Mouse]

So ... New here, but guess this is the area we need to grasp and sort.
Everyday we make small steps to ruin our body so that eventually we have an organic death, therby avoiding the stigma for the children of a parent ending their life. If we could, we would end it right now, we have no desire to live, but the fact the stigma would affect them so much usually prevents acute actions.
We just wonder how much longer it will take ....
We've been upping the ante the last few weeks, pushing the day to come closer and closer.
No-one has worked this out yet. Its well hidden.
Sigh ... Just 'venting' ...

Sorry

Anm x

 

[David Baxter PhD]

And why are you doing what you're doing? Have you ever been and/or are you currently seeing a therapist? Are you taking any prescribed medications?

What about alcohol or street drugs?

 

[A Nonny Mouse]

Why ... ? We don't want to live this life anymore ...

Yes have a therapist, also under the cmht.

Prescribed anti-d's but don't take them.

Occsaionally drink, no street drugs ...

---------- Post Merged at 06:12 AM ---------- Previous Post was at 05:47 AM ----------

Christ we sound like an aweful person, not a great start to a new community. Doesn't matter. Forget we said anything ...

Sorry

 

[MHealthJo]

A start in a new community might eventually lead to something better...

There might be reasons to live.... it's important to carefully consider what they might be... there might be some, but we may just not be aware of them at this time. Or might not be able to see them that way yet...

 

[A Nonny Mouse]

Indeed ...

Sigh, everything is just ...

Dunno.

Guess we are just one of those people who are a lost cause ...

 

[Been there Done that]

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I almost made a suicide attempt two and a half years ago due to a bad reaction to an antidepressant making me chemically depressed (cymbalta). I am now taking another antidepressant and after two or three years of cognitive behavioural therapy I have no more suicidal thoughts. I am happy and want to live no matter how hard life seems.
Don't give up now things really do get better. Continue taking your prescribed meds and don't give up.
All things are difficult before they are easy.

 

[A Nonny Mouse]

Apprecaite the replies.

We see ending our life as a permanent solution to a permanent problem. We will never change and have always been tainted and all the rest.

At some point something has to give up. Like we say, a lost cause ...

 

[MHealthJo]

You are not tainted, though.... that isn't correct.

You do not know the future because you don't know what it would be like to live with different beliefs...

 

[forgetmenot]

I am glad you are talking to us here seeing life through eyes of depression is so hard hun. I do understand and the thoughts of leaving can be peaceful really as you feel you have some control of you. No matter how you leave your family will grieve and be affected by it ok. Don't let depression fool you into thinking there is a peaceful way for your loved ones to see you gone Use that energy you are using to be unwell to get well ok i know it hard hell im there too but with your therapist you can do it one day time
Start today by taking care of YOU ok eat something drink something that will give your body strength to fight. Talk to your pdoc let know that you are not taking meds and why hard i know but you can do it. Meds will help even if you take them to get you out of the darkness some ok then decide later if you want to stay on them

Keep talking to us ok it helps to know one is not alone coming here you will have support you did not have before so hold on ok one day at a time hugs

 

[A Nonny Mouse]

So went to gp today and said bluntly we don't want to live and that we took too many tablets etc last night. He said he would phone the cmht.
Cmht phoned, best they can do is leave a message for our care-coordinator to phone us next week when he's back off sick. Which of course he won't do as we have an offical compllaint in against him. So ... Basically ... Doesn't matter carry on till we succeed ....

 

[forgetmenot]

Nonny Mouse you carry on fighting to get those supports you deserve ok If your care coordinator does not call you YOU CALL HIM until he hears you ok
It is hard to fight i know but you are worth the fight dont let anyone make you feel less ok don't give them that power hun hugs

 

[Ftbwgil]

Hi Nonny Mouse..... If you do something to yourself it will devastate the ones that are close to you... guaranteed.....If you reversed it and a person who you love ended their life and you really loved this person... would you not be devastated..... would you not search for the reason they did this..... Your cry out for help is heard and hearftfelt. You know you need help .... we all do and their is no shame in that.... as a matter of fact their is pride in being able to look at oneself and see ourselves clearly. That's when the recovery starts.... might not feel like that now but start writing down what you feel.... and be brutally honest with no fear to write whatever comes to mind and empty all that sorrow you have. As time goes by the sun will be brighter the the sky clearer and you will take a nice big deep breath and look back at the time of darkness and realize it was just temporary.

 

[A Nonny Mouse]

Oh we went and did it properly didn't we ... Collected bacteria and injected into several places in thigh and one in breast. On antibiotics now as at this moment don't particularly want to die, but the infection is severe and one has burst this evening and seeing (and smelling) what we had caused has freaked us a little. At how close we were to maybe not making it ... Everyone knows, psych, gp, therapist, counscellor, cmht, none thinks its a problem we do this and may actually push it too far ... Of course its not down to them, just ... Mind you psych didn't believe us so ...

 

[Mari]

Are you at home right now? Is there someone with you to help you through this? What support have they put in place for you? Sorry for all the questions but I am concerned and caring for how you are managing.

 

[A Nonny Mouse]

Oh its fine, always is x

 

[Jesse910]

You are in an incredible amount of pain. Yet, you chose to reach out. The fact that you are venting makes me think that there is still a shred of hope inside of you. You are safe here and no one is going to harm you. If you want to fight, scream, yell in your post, that is perfectly okay. If the stress in your life escalates to a point where it becomes unbearable, asking for help will not diminish your power over yourself. It will empower you more.

 

[A Nonny Mouse]

We reached out, had police and paramedics called on us, now have lost main responsibility for kids and sleep in a shed ... Yay for reaching out ... Lost the last parts of normality we had ... Give up ...

 

[Retired]

Can you get yourself checked into the Emergency Department of your local hospital, or perhaps a local mental health facility?

What about a religious organization or a shelter for homeless or abused individuals?

Is there a family member, a trusted friend, a spiritual advisor you can contact?

Do you have access to a local crisis line you can call for help?

Why is the shed the only viable alternative as a result of this incident?

 

[A Nonny Mouse]

This was three weeks ago, or just after previous post it seems. Asked for help, red panic button got pressed. Because we had crisis team, police and paramedics turn up and the risk of that scaring the children, it was already agreed we would move out and ex would move in so kids don't have the risk of being taken away. Lived in the car for a week. Now moved into the shed in the garden. Nowhere else to go. Have no family, have no friends. Own fault, we created the problem. Just saying the result of asking for help ... Stupid idea

 

[forgetmenot]

Your children are safe ok when you are more stable to look after yourself then you will have your children returned to you but you need to get well hugs