Confused, and anxious!

[Nicklt]

here it is very fast, shes left me, said she still loved me and that she wanted to be friends and that she did want to be with me just not at that time and that she wouldn't hurt me, then she slept with my best mate.

So since then i've coped pretty damn well, i get over it (not moved on) in about two weeks get myself a job and got some new mates aswell. I never stopped thinking about my ex, and i'm not going to lie, i do still love her.

So on sunday night she emailed me after 2 months apart, it was kind of out of the blue and i had to take a double take at it. I was thinking about getting in touch with her, but i didn't want to put myself back seeing how well i was doing.

She told me that she couldn't stop thinking about me and that she really missed me, and that she was talking to her brother and she thinks that she may of made a mistake splitting up with me (3 year relationship).

I just didn't know what to do, i was happy that shes got in touch but at the same point scared. So i phoned her, she didn't answer so i left her a message, she then emailed me again and said that it was so good to hear my voice and that she really miss's me. So i phoned her last night and we had a really good talk, nothing heavy i just told her how i was doing, about my job etc. Then she emailed me again last night, just telling me how she was feeling. By last night i was starting to feel anxious and i don't want to. So i phoned her and said straight to her, "What do you want?" like does she want me back or is she ****ing about!

So she told me she doesn't know what she wants.

I know what i want, i want her back, even after what she did to me. (Im not a doormat) i love here more than anyone even she knows. And i would do anything to have her back. I was pretty cool when talking to her but i did tell her i wanted her back, she started crying at that point, so i've now told her that i want to meet her some time next week, but to have no contact till then, to give her time to think and because i think if we spoke everyday it would be too much too soon.

But now im feelin really really really anxious, like i feel sick all the time, and i want to cry all the time aswell. I even left work early today without telling anyone i was feeling so bad. All i think about is her, and whether she's going to want me back like i want her back, or if she just wants to be friends, which i can't do, i can't be her friend when all i want is to be with her again.

I'm not a push over and im not a doormat, it's just stuff like this gets to men more than it does women, men - so hard yet so emotional.

I'm not sure what you can say to this, but please someone can you give some advice, i don't want to feel anxious all week, and i don't want to be back to square one if she says she doesnt want me back.

 

[Serenity]

Oh boy! That sounds very stressful. No wonder you are anxious and confused. :grouphug:

I don't want to sound negative...so please forgive me if I sound as I don't mean to but ...a woman who respects and loves a man, does not sleep with other men - period! Cheating on someone to me is an absolute dealbreaker - no matter how much in love you were at one point. It is complete and total disrespect for your partner and the fastest way to destroy trust and love in a relationship.

I don't know what your ex's circumstances are but I would suspect that she is feeling lonely and needs to feel like she has 'someone' because that is much safer than being alone. If she really wanted to be with you, she would know it and she would make sure you knew it too. Sounds to me like she is realizing that although for whatever reason at one point you weren't for her, suddenly the thought of being alone looks so scary that maybe things weren't so bad with you afterall - at least for now. She broke up with you and slept with someone else...that speaks volumes.

My thoughts...you are obviously a very loving caring person and deserve to be with someone who will love and respect you as much as you do them. I know it is hard, trust me, I've been there...but you have to believe there is someone much better suited for you who will love you and treasure you. She still doesn't. She still doesn't know what she wants. Do you really want to be with someone who isn't sure about their feelings for you?

Make a list of the 5 or 10 most fundamental characteristics a woman of your dreams would have..non-negotiable ones (honestly, loyalty, chemistry), and if she doesn't meet them....do yourself a favor and find that special someone who will. Otherwise, you may waste even more time trying to force a relationship to work that never could given any length of time.

But..what do I know. Those are just my two cents. I only know I have been there on both sides of the fence and know how painful it is when a relationship ends. I have beaten my head against the proverbail brick wall, trying to make a relationship work that never could until finally I realized, it never would.

Having said all this though...I sincerely wish you peace and hope that things work out for you regardless of whether it is THIS relationship or the one of your dreams coming around the corner.

 

[Nicklt]

Thanks serenity, i think you are right.

I was talking to my dad, and there are so many negatives to getting back with her, but there this one thing that seems to sway me to wanting her back, and that is i love her, i can't stop thinking about her, about the good times, about holding her again, about kissing her again.

This may not be the best thing, but im a person who doesn't really care about past, what happened has happened and if it can be repaired or forgotten or if there is something better at the end then i do it.

I love her so much and i miss her like mad, but i still think if i got back with her would i be messed about again, if she even wants me back.

Im seeing her next week, and thats going to be the deciding moment for me, if she messes me about next week thats it. Im gone time for me to move on and not to live with any more pain.

 

[Tampa11]

Morals (morals, standards of behavior, or principles of right and wrong) your’s seem to be much different than the 2 people in your post. If you continue to your standards and learn to accept things as they are, you will have peace of mind.
Serenity's post is on target, if you take the easy way out for now, you are setting yourself up again, that my 2 cents.

 

[Nicklt]

Thanks tampa,

I do want her back, and if we got back together then there is noway im playing her stupid games anymore, at the first sign of them im gone.