Coping Tip of the Day

[Daniel E.]

Avoiding the Groundhog Day Syndrome

...Doing things for the first time typically leaves a lasting impression (remember your first day of school or a new job?), but as we repeat those events over and over they essentially leave little or no vivid memory, and time seems to fly by. Your life seems to be one series of repetition and boredom - you get into the rut...

To break out of the rut, break down your old routines. Although routines may be familiar and comforting, they also lead to a perception that time is passing more quickly, and the world is passing us by.

 

[Daniel E.]

Mentions paced breathing and distraction:

 

[Daniel E.]

Self-Compassion: A Lifeline to Healing and Wholeness

Persons who are hardest on themselves, who beat themselves up mercilessly, have a strong propensity for depression and anxiety...

My doctor prescribed a day off, some time to read about self-compassion and to learn how I can start being kind of myself.

“If you can embrace self-compassion,” she said, “you will feel so much better.”

This is, without doubt, the hardest lesson of my life.

 

[Daniel E.]

 

[Daniel E.]

6 Ways to Clean House When You're Depressed

One of the key signs of depression is when you suspend taking care of day-to-day chores, like cleaning your house. Depression leaves you feeling so down and tired that you just let things go. Unfortunately, a messy house can add to those feelings of depression — creating a destructive cycle that feeds on itself. Once the mess gets too large and chaotic, people with depression can't imagine how to begin tackling the household duties. They feel hopeless and helpless against the clutter and dirt, which reinforces depression...

If you're feeling particularly tired or depressed, focus on cleaning the rooms where your family spends most of its time. Vacuum well-traveled hallways or clean up clutter in the kitchen and living room. Spend your energy where it will do the most good...

Eighty percent of people with depression improve with the proper treatment, often within a few weeks. You don’t have to resign yourself to a messy house while you deal with depression — by getting your home in order, you will also rid yourself of a source of stress.

 

[Daniel E.]

 

[Daniel E.]

The Case for Doing Nothing - The New York Times
April 29, 2019

Counterintuitively, idleness can be a great productivity tool because “if our energy is totally shot, our productivity is not going to be good because we’re not going to have fuel to burn with which to be productive.”

 

[Daniel E.]

 

[Daniel E.]

12 Ways to Reduce Your Stress
by Marty Nemko, Ph.D.

Know when it’s time to replace rumination with a try-out. Many people analyze a problem to death: analysis paralysis. After a moderate amount of thinking, try something. It’s easier to figure out an alternative approach when you've gotten feedback on what you’ve tried.

So, for example, if you're worried you'll remain single for the rest of your life, place an ad on a dating site, ask friends to set you up, hang out at Starbucks, whatever. Then do more of what’s working, less of what’s not. Think less; try more.

When you’re stressed about something, remember to ask yourself that obvious but often not-asked question: "Is there anything I can do to address the problem?" For example, if you’re afraid your boss will give you a bad performance review, should you explain that you’re trying to keep growing as a professional and so would like a suggestion for what to improve?

If there’s nothing you can do about the problem—for example, you’re waiting to hear about a job you’ve applied for—try to distract yourself by immersing yourself in some other project.

 

[Daniel E.]

A Solution for Loneliness - Scientific American
May 21, 2019

In a recent survey of over 10,000 people in the UK, two-thirds reported that volunteering helped them feel less isolated. Similarly, a 2018 study of nearly 6,000 people across the US examined widows who, unsurprisingly, felt lonelier than married adults. After starting to volunteer for two or more hours per week, their average level of loneliness subsided to match that of married adults, even after controlling for demographics, baseline health, personality traits, and other social involvement. These benefits may be especially strong the older you are and the more often you volunteer.

 

[Daniel E.]

How to Stop Thinking About Something That's Bothering You - Inc.com
by Amy Morin

...Feeling down or thinking about unpleasant things isn't always bad. Sometimes, it's part of the healing process. And sometimes, you can turn those thoughts and feelings into something more productive.

But it's important to differentiate between ruminating and problem-solving.

If you're behind on your bills, thinking about how to get caught up can be helpful. But imagining yourself homeless or thinking about how unfair it is that you got behind isn't productive.

So ask yourself, "Am I ruminating or problem-solving?"

If you're dwelling on the problem, you're ruminating. If you're actively looking for solutions, you're problem-solving.

Problem-solving can help you move forward. But ruminating will hold you back. If you're ruminating, you need to change the channel.

Change the channel in your brain.
Telling yourself, "Don't think about that," isn't likely to be effective. Your brain will revert back to those unpleasant thoughts in about two seconds.

You have to be proactive about changing the channel in your brain (sort of like you'd change the channel on your TV).

The best way to do that is to get involved in an activity that distracts you. Find something that requires some serious mental energy for at least a few minutes.

Here are some examples of how you might change the channel in your brain:

• Call a friend and talk about a completely different subject
• Challenge yourself to rearrange your bookcase in 10 minutes
• Sit down and plan your next vacation
• Spend a few minutes clearing clutter in a particular room
• Turn on some music and dance
• Work out vigorously (a slow stroll will give you more time to think but a fast-paced workout requires concentration)
• Engage in a hobby

The key is to find something that works for you. You may need to experiment with a few different strategies until you find the activity that best helps you change the channel in your brain...

 

[Daniel E.]

Social Relationships as Blockbuster Drugs
Jun 10, 2019

...Taken together with the epidemiological evidence, these (and other) factors showed beyond any reasonable doubt, that strong social relationships cause better health. In fact, if good relationships were a drug, it would be a blockbuster. Here are three ways you can use it.

1. Join a group that interests you. Join a hiking, singing, chess, or cheese-tasting group. Other than groups which are clearly harmful (like violent gangs), any group will do.

2. (Re)connect with a family member. Invite them over for lunch, tea, or dinner, or just give them a call. If you don’t have any family members that you can connect with, opt for a friend, or even someone from the group you are about to join after reading number 1 above.

3. (My favorite) Do a random act of kindness. Random acts of kindness are small things you can do that make others happy and that at the same time connect you to them. See here for some cool examples. An easy one is to pay someone a compliment. Wish someone at the checkout counter a great day. Tell the waiter or waitress how much you appreciate their hard work. Tell the bus driver thank you for getting you to your destination safely. Compliment someone on their great parallel parking. Or easier: Just smile at someone.

We’re more like the screaming baby monkeys than we think: Our health suffers when we are less well-connected to our friends, family, and social groups. Unlike the baby monkeys, however, we have the power to strengthen our connections with friends, families, and social groups. Our good health depends on the little effort that takes.

 

[Daniel E.]

 

[Daniel E.]

Trying Not To Take Things Personally

Consider the source.

Would you be as likely to drink water from a mountain spring as from a puddle under a dumpster? Of course not. But why? Aside from the fact that you are a smart cookie, it’s because the source matters.

Same thing goes for criticism. Does the critique in question come from someone you like and respect? Does this person know you well? Or is this someone who is known to shoot their mouth off, has all the subtlety of a brick, and has never had a real conversation with you?

In short, consider the source, which will help you decide whether to take their feedback to heart or with a grain of salt.

 

[Daniel E.]

You Are Not What You Do, Own, Think, or Feel

I am not what I do.

From an early age we've been conditioned to value ourselves through how well we do things in life. Most of us were raised to achieve and deliver results, always running somewhere, always busy.

Work is part of life, and money is a much-needed instrument that we need to survive. But is life supposed to be all about work? What if the purpose for us being here were just to be happy?

Whenever I fail at anything, that doesn't make me a failure because I am not what I do. My job is part of life and not life itself. I am not my profession, no matter how much I might love what you do. Today I am a coach, in the same way I am a wife, a daughter, a sister, or someone's friend. I wear many hats, and so do you.

For so many years I thought I was my job. And when the job was not in my life any longer, I wasn't.

Wayne Dyer was right: "You are a human being, not a human doing."

 

[Daniel E.]

Be Good to Yourself: How to Practice Self-Love

Care for the World by Caring for Yourself

Life is full of ups and down. Health can transfer into disease. Successes can be turned into collapses. Romantic love can be transformed into coldness. But, no matter what happens on the outside, we can still have a solid foundation built on self-love.

Self-love isn’t a luxury; it’s a necessity in today’s society. So, start implementing some of the practices above and most of all, have compassion with yourself when you fall short. Then simply brush yourself off and get back into it again. As they say, practice makes perfect.

Finally, realize that by caring for yourself, you care for this world. Your actions have a ripple effect on others.

 

[Daniel E.]

"Until we address our lack of self-trust, no method of self-help will work. No method of self-help can work...You have learned that your only two options in life are to surrender to your flawed nature or control yourself by following some code of conduct. Every institution and expert has a set of ideas about why your nature is so awful and a set of principles to fix it."

~ The Art of Talking to Yourself

 

[Daniel E.]

Make Time for Self-Care

We all have a morning routine, even if yours consists of jumping out of bed, getting a shower and then quickly rushing out the door to work. Since everyone does something, it makes sense to take advantage of this time as an opportunity for self-care. For example, eat a healthier breakfast, do a little exercise, meditate or write a morning journal--all these things can easily be built into what you already do in the morning, but you need to make the conscious decision to do so.

 

[Daniel E.]

Motivational comedy:



"With comedy, you not only laugh but you also gain understanding in a unique way. Comedy has a setup and then a punch line. The setup moves the audience in one direction-toward what is expected. The punch line occurs when you change direction and take the audience to the unexpected. This same process can be applied to life. Comedian Michael Jr. shows how to take your life's setups and then change direction in a way that brings fulfillment, revelation, and joy not only to you but also to those around you."

 

[Daniel E.]

"No is a necessary magic. No draws a circle around you with chalk and says I have given enough."

~ McKayla Robbin in “Boundaries” from We Carry The Sky