- Thread starter Cheyenne
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^^Phoenix^^
Member
Hi, I maybe joining this convo topic late, I'm not sure. But I felt the need to reply to this paragraph in particular. When I began injuring myself again last year, a collection of my close friends and family knew about it, (friend saw.. and actually CALLED my father, who in turn called my uncle for advice) anyway, many of them took it really badly. With feelings mixed with anger at me, to feeling responcible for it happening. But they wern't responcible. no-one was. it was a 'click' that my brain was set to, and due to the high levels of stress and emotion prior to the SI begining again, it didn't take alot for that 'click' (to hurt myself) to resurfice. But you cannot blame yourself for either of those situations, EVEN if you think you may have prompted the anorexia by saying something you shouldn't have.Cheyenne said:
Worrying about your friends is good, and relating to them is fantastic because it allows you to be empathetic towards them, and understand when they talk to you about how they are feeling.
However, with everything that you are feeling bogged down by recently, I wouldn't make that your priority... You know on aeroplanes, when they are doing the safty video? When it comes to the oxygen masks falling from the ceiling, they always prompt you to secure your own mask before securing the masks of those around you. Because they know that, .. you won't be very good to anyone if you pass out. The same rule applies. I am not saying dwell on your own problems, but before you feel to overpowerd by the "problems that you may have caused" focus on how much of it (it-your friends issues) you can juggle with your own.
and hon...in the big scheme of things.... you are not responcible for the illness of either friend.
Yeah, I know that I?m not responsible for their problems, but it?s a lot easier to say that now that things have calmed than when everything seemed to be going wrong. That example with the airplane, it really makes sense, a reality check for me, thanks for posting it. Relating with my friends could be good, if I could tell them, even my best friend doesn?t know I SI, I?ve lied to her about the scars for years. Sometimes I just want to scream it out to the world, the sneaking around, the lying, the pain of stumbling while trying to quit, it?s just so demanding. And with another slip up recently, I?ve realized that my progress with it depends on something I have absolutely no control of - something that could be easily taken away. Which is even more reason for me to want to tell someone, so that I can get help for that, too.
I did call the person from SAFE:TEEN back, thanked them and gave them a little update, and that really made me feel a lot better
I come here every day, I don?t log in, but I read what everyone has posted, I like to see everyone?s progress and it gives me confidence that I CAN make it through all of this. And it makes me happy, just to read about other people?s progress and how they?re feeling better.
I?m no longer in therapy, not because I made any progress whatsoever from getting out of the psychiatric facility, but because my therapist and I simply could not get along. She?d ask me simple questions like how much I slept or ate or what I did a certain day, and when I answered her honestly she?d respond with ?I don?t believe that.? and have me tell her something else, often something completely false. So within three sessions I started completely refusing to talk to her and was telling my parents I was not willing to talk to her. After six or seven sessions we just dropped it, and I don?t know when I?m getting another therapist, probably not until late July.
And things with my parents have just returned to the way they were before, yelling at and insulting me, though they haven?t threatened to get rid of my dog anymore.
Honestly this whole thing seems to have become a roller coaster - Things got progressively worse until I was on the verge of taking my own life, then things were fine when I first got out of the psychiatric facility and was first put on Zoloft, but now it seems that I?m feeling no better, maybe even worse... And This reply is a lot longer than I expected to make it, so I?ll just stop here. Thanks for reading.
I did call the person from SAFE:TEEN back, thanked them and gave them a little update, and that really made me feel a lot better
I come here every day, I don?t log in, but I read what everyone has posted, I like to see everyone?s progress and it gives me confidence that I CAN make it through all of this. And it makes me happy, just to read about other people?s progress and how they?re feeling better.
I?m no longer in therapy, not because I made any progress whatsoever from getting out of the psychiatric facility, but because my therapist and I simply could not get along. She?d ask me simple questions like how much I slept or ate or what I did a certain day, and when I answered her honestly she?d respond with ?I don?t believe that.? and have me tell her something else, often something completely false. So within three sessions I started completely refusing to talk to her and was telling my parents I was not willing to talk to her. After six or seven sessions we just dropped it, and I don?t know when I?m getting another therapist, probably not until late July.
And things with my parents have just returned to the way they were before, yelling at and insulting me, though they haven?t threatened to get rid of my dog anymore.
Honestly this whole thing seems to have become a roller coaster - Things got progressively worse until I was on the verge of taking my own life, then things were fine when I first got out of the psychiatric facility and was first put on Zoloft, but now it seems that I?m feeling no better, maybe even worse... And This reply is a lot longer than I expected to make it, so I?ll just stop here. Thanks for reading.
hi Cheyenne,
Sorry to hear things didn't go soo well with your therapist, it can be hard to find the right person to click with. I hope when you do get to meet your new one in July things will improve greatly for you.
I'm glad to hear you can ring the Safe_Teen org, and i think you could continue to ring them as often as you feel the need to, for suppport and understanding while u wait for your new apt to come up.
Are you still on the Zoloft? if so and it's not working for you, maybe you could go back to doc and explain how things are going for you, it might mean you need a change in med or an addition to the zoloft.
and i'm glad you find coming here helpful, even if you don't log in all the time, but can i say this to you, do log in and say what's going on for you, i'm sure ppl here will have advice and will offer support as well ok.
I hope your new therapist is a lot bettter than the olld one, i have to say from what i read, i don't blame you for not going to her.
hope you feel better soon,
thinking of you
nsa.
Sorry to hear things didn't go soo well with your therapist, it can be hard to find the right person to click with. I hope when you do get to meet your new one in July things will improve greatly for you.
I'm glad to hear you can ring the Safe_Teen org, and i think you could continue to ring them as often as you feel the need to, for suppport and understanding while u wait for your new apt to come up.
Are you still on the Zoloft? if so and it's not working for you, maybe you could go back to doc and explain how things are going for you, it might mean you need a change in med or an addition to the zoloft.
and i'm glad you find coming here helpful, even if you don't log in all the time, but can i say this to you, do log in and say what's going on for you, i'm sure ppl here will have advice and will offer support as well ok.
I hope your new therapist is a lot bettter than the olld one, i have to say from what i read, i don't blame you for not going to her.
hope you feel better soon,
thinking of you
nsa.
ThatLady
Member
I'm really sorry things have been so difficult for you, Cheyenne. I understand why you stopped seeing that particular therapist. If you're not getting help, and you feel you can't connect with her, it's more frustrating than anything else. I hope you can find someone you like as soon as possible. It really helps to have someone to talk to. In the meantime, you have us. We're here for you anytime you want to talk.
Do see your doctor as soon as you can. You may need a change of doseage for your Zoloft, or another medication, either alone or in conjunction with the Zoloft. It takes a bit to find the right medication, or combination of medications, to do the job.
I'll be thinking of you. Please, stay in touch and let us know how you're doing.
Do see your doctor as soon as you can. You may need a change of doseage for your Zoloft, or another medication, either alone or in conjunction with the Zoloft. It takes a bit to find the right medication, or combination of medications, to do the job.
I'll be thinking of you. Please, stay in touch and let us know how you're doing.
I am still on the Zoloft, sort of, when I got out they had me on 50mg, and the Doc said we could up it to 75mg between appointments if I leveled off without improvement. Since it was between appointments when it was changed my parents dropped it back to 50mg so it would last until the next appointment. And now my parents haven?t given it to me at all the past few days. Which is probably why there?s issues now. I don?t know when the next appointment with the Doc is.
Things aren?t too horribly bad right now, but are certainly getting worse, fast. I?ve been more or less setting myself up to get hurt - I recognize it and still do it, then try to pick up the pieces later. It just doesn?t work. If I reach that point again I don?t think I will be as hesitant to call someone, but it took a short time of feeling better to realize how unreasonable my thinking was at the time. I?m just so confused and I feel like I?m just a hassle to everyone around me.
And with the therapist, my mom asked me if I would talk to the social worker on the day I stopped seeing the therapist, I said yes and since then there has been no talk of it. IF I do see the social worker, though since my mom?s offering me it now but wouldn?t let me before I have doubts, then I won?t be seeing anyone until school starts up again. It would be nice if I wasn?t kept in the dark about these things.
Thanks for reading, even as I rant pointlessly.
And a special one - Thank You for caring.
Things aren?t too horribly bad right now, but are certainly getting worse, fast. I?ve been more or less setting myself up to get hurt - I recognize it and still do it, then try to pick up the pieces later. It just doesn?t work. If I reach that point again I don?t think I will be as hesitant to call someone, but it took a short time of feeling better to realize how unreasonable my thinking was at the time. I?m just so confused and I feel like I?m just a hassle to everyone around me.
And with the therapist, my mom asked me if I would talk to the social worker on the day I stopped seeing the therapist, I said yes and since then there has been no talk of it. IF I do see the social worker, though since my mom?s offering me it now but wouldn?t let me before I have doubts, then I won?t be seeing anyone until school starts up again. It would be nice if I wasn?t kept in the dark about these things.
Thanks for reading, even as I rant pointlessly.
And a special one - Thank You for caring.
David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
Why did your parents stop giving you the Zoloft? Have you asked them?
hello Cheyenne, i just want to say that you are not ranting pointlessly... also i wan to let you know that we are listening and we do care .. so please do keep "talking to us here"..
As regards your parents not giving you the zoloft these past few days,, i'm not a doctor so i'll let Dr.B comment on that. tho i'm of the mind it isn't right to stop medication just llike that. DR. B??????
could you ask your mother about the social worker again, remind her maybe?
and maybe you could also ask when your next apt with the doc is.
like i said before there are more qualified ppl on here to help you than i, but i am thinking of you and hope you get to see either your social worker or new therapist soon.
best wishes.
nsa
As regards your parents not giving you the zoloft these past few days,, i'm not a doctor so i'll let Dr.B comment on that. tho i'm of the mind it isn't right to stop medication just llike that. DR. B??????
could you ask your mother about the social worker again, remind her maybe?
and maybe you could also ask when your next apt with the doc is.
like i said before there are more qualified ppl on here to help you than i, but i am thinking of you and hope you get to see either your social worker or new therapist soon.
best wishes.
nsa
Cat Dancer
MVP
You're definitely not ranting pointlessly. I'm glad you can come here and talk about these things.
I think it is a positive thing that you say you won't be so hesitant to call someone if you get to a really bad point again.
You're not a burden to anyone here.
I think it is a positive thing that you say you won't be so hesitant to call someone if you get to a really bad point again.
You're not a burden to anyone here.
David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
She was on a pretty low dose to begin with but you're right - it's never a good idea to stop medications suddenly without checking with the doctor.
I do not know why my parents stopped giving me the Zoloft, they gave it to me today, the 75mg. I did not ask them, and am unwilling to ask them, because I really don?t want to get insulted or yelled at any more. I?m back at avoiding them. More proof of just how pathetic I am, unwilling to confront my own parents. However, I did snoop through my mom?s stuff while they were sleeping and found out that my next appointment with the Doc is July 7th.
And I?m going out of state a few days later, thankfully I?ll be away from my parents, but I?ll also be away from my dogs and other pets (Which I?m extremely protective over and don?t feel that my parents can take care of properly), and I?ll be staying with people I haven?t seen in years for two weeks. The whole thing just seems like a very bad idea to me.
I just feel awkward/bad coming here, because you all go out of your way to talk to me, but I don?t do the same for you because I?m painfully bad at that. I feel extremely selfish because I do that. I log in, post my reply here, then immediately log off so that I won?t post elsewhere even if I do have something that might be worth saying. That?s why I feel like a burden here, elsewhere I feel like a burden because I know I am one.
And I?m going out of state a few days later, thankfully I?ll be away from my parents, but I?ll also be away from my dogs and other pets (Which I?m extremely protective over and don?t feel that my parents can take care of properly), and I?ll be staying with people I haven?t seen in years for two weeks. The whole thing just seems like a very bad idea to me.
I just feel awkward/bad coming here, because you all go out of your way to talk to me, but I don?t do the same for you because I?m painfully bad at that. I feel extremely selfish because I do that. I log in, post my reply here, then immediately log off so that I won?t post elsewhere even if I do have something that might be worth saying. That?s why I feel like a burden here, elsewhere I feel like a burden because I know I am one.
ThatLady
Member
You're not a burden at all, Cheyenne. You're one of us, and none of us is a burden. We're just people reaching out to one another. That's what people should do, and we're very lucky to have this place where we're accepted and important.
I'm glad to hear you're back on your Zoloft. Don't feel too bad about not confronting your parents. That's not an easy thing for anyone to do. Heck, I still take more off my mother than I would off someone else. It's just the nature of the relationship.
Is there some reason why you're going to stay with people you barely know? Is there a possibility, if you really don't want to go, that you might not have to go? It might be something to discuss with your therapist during your next appointment.
I'm glad to hear you're back on your Zoloft. Don't feel too bad about not confronting your parents. That's not an easy thing for anyone to do. Heck, I still take more off my mother than I would off someone else. It's just the nature of the relationship.
Is there some reason why you're going to stay with people you barely know? Is there a possibility, if you really don't want to go, that you might not have to go? It might be something to discuss with your therapist during your next appointment.
Hi Cheyenne,
I just wanted to echo some of what TL said. I do not think of you as a burden at all. I am grateful that you are here and if we can help or support you any way we can than that is good. I think that there are probably others on this forum that just can't or don't want to post for various reasons and that is okay. Nobody should feel like they have to post replies and you can only do what you can and with what you feel comfortable with. I know for me when I first started posting on this forum I didn't post much about what others wrote but more of questions that I needed help with. For me that was all I could handle at the time. There are still times that I find that I can't reply sometimes as I just don't have the energy and that is okay. Some days it is just too much and the most I can do is read and try to absorb what is being posted.
Anyway, I didn't want to go too much off topic but I just wanted you to know that I in no way think that you are a burden and I never will. Again I am happy that you are here for whatever reasons you feel you need to be. I hope that you continue on the medication and can talk with your therapist in July.
Take care and I/We are always here for you.
Nancy
I just wanted to echo some of what TL said. I do not think of you as a burden at all. I am grateful that you are here and if we can help or support you any way we can than that is good. I think that there are probably others on this forum that just can't or don't want to post for various reasons and that is okay. Nobody should feel like they have to post replies and you can only do what you can and with what you feel comfortable with. I know for me when I first started posting on this forum I didn't post much about what others wrote but more of questions that I needed help with. For me that was all I could handle at the time. There are still times that I find that I can't reply sometimes as I just don't have the energy and that is okay. Some days it is just too much and the most I can do is read and try to absorb what is being posted.
Anyway, I didn't want to go too much off topic but I just wanted you to know that I in no way think that you are a burden and I never will. Again I am happy that you are here for whatever reasons you feel you need to be. I hope that you continue on the medication and can talk with your therapist in July.
Take care and I/We are always here for you.
Nancy
cheyenne.. that's the beauty of this forum.. you don't have to post or reply.. only when YOU feel up to it or want to .. whatever you are comfortable with is ok.
and like the others above have said.. you are NOT a burden in any way.. we are glad to have you here, and we are here for each other and that includes you.
thinking of you
nsa
Cat Dancer
MVP
I just wanted to second what nsa and Nancy and ThatLady have said.
And one thing I like about your posts, Cheyenne, is your love for your animals. That makes me feel good. I love animals too.
And one thing I like about your posts, Cheyenne, is your love for your animals. That makes me feel good. I love animals too.
I?m going to stay with people I don?t know well because they?re my relatives; grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, all those people. I haven?t seen them since 2000 or 2001. And there?s no way I can get out of it, I?ve already asked. And I?m going well before I?ll even have another therapist.
I?m kind of curious about the Zoloft, there?s four days worth of it left, if they give me 50mg for three days and 25mg on the fourth day, but the appointment with the Doc isn?t until the seventh of July. I guess I?ll just wait and see what happens with that.
Animals are great, I can?t think of anything better.
I just don?t feel well, I haven?t been eating, I?m extremely paranoid about everything, I feel bad for my dog because she?s having a bout of pano, I feel bad about a dog I found a while back, I?ve been crying again, I feel bad that I got the dog I walk in a situation where I had to physically defend him from getting injured, and my parents and everyone else out here are starting to tick me off. It?s all so familiar. Honestly I think I?d rather be in therapy right about now. I need to get out of this cycle.
I know I don?t have to reply to other topics, but I?d like to, I just?can?t. To partially make up for that void I will say: You all will always have my support, I may not say it directly, but it?s there. You?re really a great group of people, even when you?re making fun of each other, mainly Dr. Baxter or Toeless
Thanks.
I?m kind of curious about the Zoloft, there?s four days worth of it left, if they give me 50mg for three days and 25mg on the fourth day, but the appointment with the Doc isn?t until the seventh of July. I guess I?ll just wait and see what happens with that.
Animals are great, I can?t think of anything better.
I just don?t feel well, I haven?t been eating, I?m extremely paranoid about everything, I feel bad for my dog because she?s having a bout of pano, I feel bad about a dog I found a while back, I?ve been crying again, I feel bad that I got the dog I walk in a situation where I had to physically defend him from getting injured, and my parents and everyone else out here are starting to tick me off. It?s all so familiar. Honestly I think I?d rather be in therapy right about now. I need to get out of this cycle.
I know I don?t have to reply to other topics, but I?d like to, I just?can?t. To partially make up for that void I will say: You all will always have my support, I may not say it directly, but it?s there. You?re really a great group of people, even when you?re making fun of each other, mainly Dr. Baxter or Toeless
Thanks.
David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
Cheyenne, often a drug store/pharmacy will give you enough medication to tide you over until your doctor's appointment, especially with something like Zoloft (an SSRI).
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