More threads by MethIcez


Well, I'm hoping to get something, I don't know what I'm hoping to get by being here, just, something.

I'm what most consider a tomboy, fourteen year-old girl, I'm pretty much all boy, I wear boys clothes, I talk, walk and act like a boy, I always have. I go to school, on a regular day people I know mock me, I respond bitterly and threaten them. I have my friends, like fifteen people I'd consider friends, the rest are either complete jerks to me or don't care that I'm there. I always depended on my teachers for everything, when I was upset I'd just look at them and I'd feel better, even if my friends couldn't help. If we're working in partners and we get to choose, others dread getting stuck with me because I knew no one in the class. I'm a horrible liar, I'm not bad at it, I'm too good at it, I lie to everyone, and no one ever catches on. Especially on the internet, it's sort-of my out-let, I go on and lie about my life; talk to people that can't judge me by my looks. I have my own little facade over me, in school I have little emotion, peoples words don't seem to effect me, nothing can make me smile and nothing can make me cry, I'm just neutral other than the fact that it's tearring me up inside. I skip meals often, I never eat breakfast and I never eat lunch and often skip dinner, it's like I feel that the reason people don't like me is because I'm fat, and I'm not, if anything I'm probably under-weight. I'm considered a danger to myself by my parents, I get hurt a lot, half of it I do on purpose, which is where that whole 'lying thing' comes in. Other than that, I'm just a flat out idiot, recently I split my leg horribly because I tried to change gears on my bike with my left hand because I had a snake in my right. Riding my bike and catching snakes are another out-let, but it's bad, often I'll ride until I almost pass out, and have to stop in bad areas. And finally(Yeah, finally), lately I've been wanting to be arrested or something, I'll be doing one of my regular activities, such as sitting on the back fence in the rain, and I'll get thoughts of "I hope a cop passes, I hope they think I just broke into this house." And I'll count police cars that pass in Spanish, hoping that one will stop. And now it's gone from just then to everything, I always am having thoughts of "I hope we get pulled over" and such.

People consider me anti-social, it affects me, and I hate it.


The most important thing you can remember is to be yourself stop lying and trying to fit in ... and when people call you names and talk about you behind your back just flake them off ... don't worry about what other people say ... worry more about what you think about yourself ... and i knw that you might not like yourself all that much ... but if you be yourself and stop the lying you yourself will feel much better ... you can't control what other people think or say but it can be fixed by being yourself ... when people don't want to be with you or whatever just tell them that they have to put up with it or they can stick it.
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