Divorce and manipulation of the kids for custody after 1 yrs

[fancy792]

HI everyone,

I'll try to make it as simple as I can and hoping that I can get some feedback or different ideas.

I've been seperated from my ex more then 3 yrs and divorce one yrs now. My ex never really showed real interest in the kids. He works 12 hrs shifts and get has much overtime has he can so in average he get to see the kids onces a month about. I've been liberal with visitations for his familly certainely his parents.

Well a few weeks ago my bf said a coment wel I was ont he phone with my ex on route to pick up the girls. My ex overheared so when we got their he came to the window of the van and said to my ex to talk to him directly extra..... end of it they argued in front of my kids which wasn't good at all. I took the time to explain a few things about it to the kids(adult stuff)

Here's where the problem arise. My ex ask to see the kids 2 days after and on a school night.....never done that before. Well he took the kids and told them he bought a house in the town we use to live in....big home, nice pool and much more. When he drop them off the kids ran to me and said that they were moving cause daddy has a big pool. Which i refuse. Kids are 8 and 10.

My ex got the kids after mothers day weekend. for the friday night and when they came home after the girl were all confused and one said that she has to talk to the juge....(8 yr old) and the 10 yrs said that at her birth-day in oct she can do as she pleases. Now they were all confuse again. Since now they don't want to go and live with him and he hasn't called.

I believe that this has to do with the argument and the money he gives to the kids.

How can I protect them from manipulation??? Feel good about themselves ???

I've consulted 2 laywers and didn't get the same result.... I'm stress , hurt and confused!!!

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I've consulted 2 laywers and didn't get the same result....

What were the answers the two lawyers gave you? You are in Gatineau... does your ex also live in Quebec?

when they came home after the girl were all confused and one said that she has to talk to the juge....(8 yr old) and the 10 yrs said that at her birth-day in oct she can do as she pleases. Now they were all confuse again. Since now they don't want to go and live with him and he hasn't called.

I believe that this has to do with the argument and the money he gives to the kids.

So the girls do NOT want to live with him any more? I'm not sure what you're saying here.

Do you have a legal separation/divorce agreement? Do you have full custody of the kids or is it shared/joint custody?

 

[fancy792]

He's in Ottawa and the divorce was done in Ottawa also.

One lawyer said that in reality I've always provided for them and stable which there wouldn't have any reasons to take the kids from me. The other lawyer said that the judge listens to the kids more and it doesn't necessary take in consideration the manipulation and the new interest which is there and not from my ex.

The girl always stayed with me. We have a joint custody with primary residence with mother. The kids never once before the incident ask to live with their dad. They came back from that week day. They wanted and when they really realize what happened they didn't want to go anymore. The last time they were with him (mothers day weekend) they now wanted to try for the summer but I’ve already registered them to day camp with lots of activity and at 2 min from where I work. They said well can we go at dad and I said yes on the weekends or when Daddy is there on his time off. They were happy and now very excited about the day camp.

Each time they meet with him they get all confuse because of the offer he try's to offer them. It puts so much pressure on them.

I was married and with him for about 13 yrs. He never was involved with them or brings them to museum any activities. His interests were himself (sports and overtime to pay for his leisure’s). We had to struggle, emotionally and financially (I’ve not gone there with the lawyers)

I hope the info helps clarified things a bit for you and everyone else. I think that my emotions are in the way of my writting.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Well, I'm not a lawyer but if he's in Ottawa and the divorce was in Ottawa and he is trying to convince them to go live in Ottawa, I would think that Ontario laws would apply (there are some differences in Quebec laws).

If the children have always had their primary residence with you, most Ontario courts would need a very good reason to alter that arrangement. At 16, maybe 15 or 14, or maybe even 13, the courts will certainly listen to the child's position. I think the usual assumption is that preadolescents don't have a clear enough idea of what they want or what is good for them.

I think your ex is dreaming but as I said I'm not a lawyer...

 

[fancy792]

Thank you so much for your imput and ideas!

Any suggestions for the balance the kids after all those event? I'm looking for their best interest and stability.....right now they change after the fact ...a bit frustrated too.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

It might be helpful to try to find them a counsellor to talk to. With all this going on, they are probably feeling both rejected and caught in the middle between you and your ex. Having someone neutral to talk to may help them.

 

[Aladdin]

Manipulation is one of the oldes things people doing,at most cases it has nothing to do with the children but only to get to your ex.
My ex left me with 2 girls and after a few moth she want to see them at her terms.after many fights and cost we came to a agrement.
Then she start to work on the children,tell them that im not their dad but the bf are.tell them that my house are full of monsters enc.
she even make asult cases agains me,that i then proof is not me but she her self.after some time one of the girls started to behave funny and telling me thing,she also dont want to go and vissit,so i took her for counsling.All the things i complain about come aswell that her mother boyfriend molest her.
The law how ever didt do mutch ;;the mother do have her rights.
so it went on now for some time and every 3 moth i get letters from her layers to get more rights.Last night they cried them self to sleep about things mother told them,like if she and bf maried they wiil come and live with them and then he wiil be their dad.
she manipulate them on so many things and srew with their heads that i had to take them for counsling.,but it bother at all tat she is busy desroying her children life aslong as she can make it deficalt for me.The law want to have hard evedens if the children say something i told them to say it and dont forget the mother do have her rights,ok mothers and fathers have their rights but what rights do my girls have.They are 5 and 6years old.