Do they really care?

[healthbound]

Also...I get the feeling that the therapists I've met on these boards (Dr Baxter and Comfortzone) genuinely care about me and the people here.

At first I didn't get that feeling because of short replies or delays in responses. But as I "got to know them" better, I learned more about their communication styles and also realized that they weren't patiently waiting at their computers for me to post something, just so they could quickly reply to me (I secretly want all therapists and doctors available to me at all times )

 

[Peanut]

But as I "got to know them" better, I learned more about their communication styles

I totally agree with that!? It's really funny because now I think there are about 10 or 15 people here that I could guess correctly who wrote a post just by reading what and how they wrote it and not looking at the name or any identifying information at all!? ?

Dr. Baxter, what is the study of Commerce?

 

[comfortzone]

Healthbound...

I believe you make a valid point about therapy...you have to get to know your therapist and that is a process that might take time at first. I know it did for me. I do not always get to answer posts as quickly as I would if we were in the same room. To not be present or to lack geniuneness is against all that I know as well as my training. I want to hear each word spoken, to see each nonverbal behavior, and to watch how each client listens and learns. I think I could not sit there if I did not care.

 

[^^Phoenix^^]

I'm a psych student, heading to therapy, because I care about people.
Hmmm... I'm seeing a pattern!!!

 

[David Baxter PhD]

what is the study of Commerce?

Bachelor of Commerce program - finance, economics, accounting, marketing, all that stuff.

 

[Retired]

I've gained a better understanding of the relationship between patient and therapist, and in particular the importance the therapist to have empathy for the patient.

What if not all therapists are created equal, and some may not have the same level of skill in connecting with their patient. Furthermore, in our Country especially, the medical system is overburdened, and many people must endure long waiting lists just to be evaluated. They are likely not offered a choice of therapists, unless they consult a private therapist, so how does a person proceed when they do not feel comfortable with the therapist who has been assigned to them?

Is requesting to change therapist an option, considering the overburdened medical system?

How important is rapport with one's therapist and is therapy really comprimised when a patient does not feel a real sense of connection?

 

[healthbound]

Those are great questions TSOW. I'm interested to hear what people have to say too.

 

[foghlaim]

What if not all therapists are created equal,

i don't see how ALL thereapists can be created equal because each therapist is human and brings with them their own traits\personalities along with their training.

some may not have the same level of skill in connecting with their patient.

i may be way off base on this..
but i think the level of skill in connecting with their patients comes from partly from themselves, their training, but mostly from experience and whether or not they in turn have a support system to help them recognise when they are not connecting.

other questions not sure about.. will wait to hear from others.. *s*

 

[David Baxter PhD]

If you are seeing a private therapist, you do of course have choice. If you can't afford private fees, you may or may not have a choice. In Canada, you do in theory, but in reality there are so few working in government run facilities and/or able to bill the government health plans that you may have to be months on a waiting list for somebody new.

Up here, everyone seems to TALK about the sad state of health care but no one really DOES anything about it... not that I know what the answer is but I sure as heck know that the status quo isn't it.

 

[Eunoia]

interesting thread. definitely things that have crossed my mind too before therapy, while in therapy...and planning to go into that direction.... personally I don't think the therapist would be a very good one if s/he wouldn't be able to show empathy.... and genuiness.... it really is more than just knowing which tool to use and how to use it... some things you just can't learn and if you're not genuine how can you expect your client to be so??

 

[Brenda]

I have been going to doctors, psychiatrists, and therapists for almost 20 years. In those 20 years, I can't say that I have ever met anyone I didn't like. They have all taken time to sit and listen to me. God Bless them. I rattle on sometimes, and I am sure I drive them crazy. I have seen that people who become therapists are some of the most caring people. There is an alcoholic rehab close to me. Most of the counselors have been alcoholics themselves. At least they can say, "I know where you are coming from." I have sometimes thought of going back to school to become a therapist. But with my highs and lows, I don't know if I could keep a practice going. Most of the therapists I have seen are like Dr. Phil. They tell it like it is. There are times I don't like what they say, but it gives me motivation to get up day after day. Especially when they tell me that my children need me.

It is interesting that psycholigists and psychiatrists go to professionals also. I think it would be difficult and sometimes depressing to listen to all the stories.

I love to care for others. I used to be a CNA at a nursing home and a hospital. It was a difficult job, but it was very rewarding. My illness has those jobs away from me. I wasn't reliable and I lost my last job at the nursing home. I have been thinking about looking into adult daycare. I think it would be neat to have a place where older people could go for socialization and fun when their family has errands to run. Maybe I need to look into that. That would give me some interaction with people and I would know that I made a difference in someone's life. Around here they have Senior Citizen places, but they don't have a whole lot of volunteers who will play games with them.

 

[ThatLady]

Volunteering to help with adult day care sounds like a wonderful plan, Brenda. So many of those people depend on volunteers to brighten their day and give them that little touch of TLC that means so very much. I do hope you look into this. It would be theraputic for everyone involved.

 

[foghlaim]

brill idea Brenda.. *s*

 

[Eunoia]

I used to volunteer at a senior's home and it was one of the most humbling experiences... there was so much to be learned from them in exchange for spending a few hours just sitting there, playing games, reading books, bringing tea.... they were so very appreciative of the simple things in life and it was good to know that such different generations can spend time together and learn from each other and laugh at nothing and everything- something I never had w/ my grandparents as they passed away quite early. basically what I'm saying is, great idea Brenda!!! any type of volunteering benefits both sides tremendously and you sound like you have a lot of passion for it....

 

[sunset]

How important is rapport with one's therapist and is therapy really comprimised when a patient does not feel a real sense of connection?

TSOW... If a patient does not feel a sense of connection, how is he/she going to open up and trust this therapist with innermost thoughts and problems? I think its very much compromised and wont help the patient at all.

 

[healthbound]

If a patient does not feel a sense of connection, how is he/she going to open up and trust this therapist with innermost thoughts and problems?

I'm curious to know how people define or know they feel a connection with their therapist.

For me I think it's about trusting that the person is skilled, knowledgeable, experienced and ethical ---which I guess isn't a connection, but rather a trust/safe issue.? And if I sense that the therapist is perhaps fulfilling their own needs somehow, none of those aforementioned things apply.

Passionate explanation below (passionate, because my opinions have formed as a direct result of personal experiences )...

What I mean by "fulfilling their own needs" is experimenting with me when not first making sure I could handle it, encouraging me not to get a second opinion because that might they?re uncomfortable with it (for whatever reason), or allowing themselves to be triggered by me and then instead of acknowledging it and taking personal responsibility, blaming or even misdiagnosing.

I don't care so much if we connect on personal tastes, social status, intellect, appearance, age, origin, religion or spirituality, music, art, sexuality, experiences, likes, dislikes etc.

Actually, I even expect similar things of all people in significant positions of power that can directly and/or profoundly effect a person's perceptions/emotions. For example, parents, teachers of children, doctors, therapists or even managers sometimes. In turn when I have been in any of those positions (ok, only parent, peer counsellor and manager) I take those responsibilities very seriously. And to do anything less, I think, is inappropriate, uncaring, self-serving and potentially harmful.

We are all human and thus we all make mistakes and experience many opportunities for learning. This most certainly includes all parents, teachers, doctors etc. But, I do feel strongly about commitments to their kids, students, clients etc. As a parent and a former manager, I KNOW how challenging this can be. We might become tired, overwhelmed, drained, discouraged and even disconnected. So...take a break, get some sleep, rejuvenate, get grounded...whatever it takes. But we must take some responsibility for times when/if we ?take it out? to take it out on those who are most vulnerable. AND especially if we even consider crossing the blame line?these aren?t equal relationships we?re talking about here.

Am I high maintenance? Is my list too tall? Do I perhaps expect too much? Maybe. But I'm ok with it for now. I know that no one is perfect, but I still think my expectations are pretty realistic.

 

[Lana]

How important is rapport with one's therapist and is therapy really comprimised when a patient does not feel a real sense of connection?

TSOW... If a patient does not feel a sense of connection, how is he/she going to open up and trust this therapist with innermost thoughts and problems? I think its very much compromised and wont help the patient at all.

Hi sunset;
I don't know if this will help or not, nor if others share my view, but, there are times when a certain amount of detachment helps people to open up.? For example, I care more what people I'm closely connected to think of me, whereas, I care less what people I don't know think of me.? This means, I would watch and edit what I say or do to or about people close to me.? I probably won't invest as much time with others.? It also helps the therapist remain objective and focus on what is best of his or her client.?

I could be wrong, but I think that if a client and therapist become too close, too intertwined, that's when therapy can become compormised because it would be very diffcult for the therapist and client to be objective.? What is the problem with that, you may ask?? The problem may surface when a therapist has to tell client something they do not wish to hear/face/confront and the client takes it personally.? Such situations can cause way more damage then good.? This is also a reason why at times, some therapists may refer their client to someone who is not so involved (i.e. detached) and objective.? That is caring.

 

[sunset]

Hi Lana,

I do understand your point of view and it does make sense.. Maybe it depends on each individual and how they relate to their therapist, and vice versa. I have a good relationship with my therapist and have seen him for about 5 yrs now. He was an EPA that my former company called in to work with employees and he is still hanging in there with me.
Trust me when I tell you that he has no problem telling me things I dont want to hear. Sometimes I get angry and then he deals with that also, but I think its all a part of learning. I trust him enough and respect him enough to take it from him, and I think once I get past the issue at hand, I grow from it.

For the first time since I have known him, last week in therapy he said he was proud of me. That is accomplishment and even though I didnt realize it, I had overcome some barriers in that session that I wouldnt have 6 months ago, and he pointed it out to me.

Does this make sense??

 

[sunset]

Healthbound... Just read your post and I feel your expectations are reasonable too.

I think you hit the mark in saying, it is a trust/safe issue. It also takes time to get to that point where you feel like you can open up and talk freely. In my case, I know him well enough and he knows me well enough.

That is what I mean about a connection... He has a good understanding of my life, and we are comfortable with each other and that is how I feel a connection..

Of course, other things are happening, like transference (which I never even heard of till a few weeks ago!) and projecting.... Even after knowing him all this time, I am learning new things and can "see" what I am doing when he explains it. I dont think this would happen if I didnt feel some sort of connection to him, because I probably would not open up as much... TRUST AND FEELING SAFE! Very important.

 

[Cat Dancer]

For me I think it's about trusting that the person is skilled, knowledgeable, experienced and ethical ---which I guess isn't a connection, but rather a trust/safe issue.? And if I sense that the therapist is perhaps fulfilling their own needs somehow, none of those aforementioned things apply.

I agree. I think trust would be such a big issue. That's what I hope to find one day.