Do they really care?

[Peanut]

For me the connection with the therapist hinges on respect. I find it much easier to take advice/opinions from someone whom I respect and believe to be a credible source of information. The second thing is that I have to be able to relate to the person on a friendly basis and also see that they are able to tune into nonverbal signals. And the third and certainly not the least important is that they cannot take things too seriously. So I guess for me to feel like I'm relating I have to consider them to be 1) intelligent 2) observant 3)in possesion of a good sense of humor

I know it's different for other people but that's just what I think.

 

[Retired]

For me the connection with the therapist hinges on respect

This to me would seem to be the key to a successful therapeutic outcome. Isn't there a risk for a patient (client) to become emotionally attached to their therapist? What if the therapist chooses a job in another place and moves away...how does one's emotional attachment affect their continuing therapy?

I am trying to understand what should be the form of a healthy bond with one's therapist.

If I feel a sense of endearment to my therapist, and the therapist moves away, will I feel a sense of abandonment or betrayal?

If my bond takes the form of professional respect, them am I not less vulnerable if I need to suddenly change therapist?

 

[Steph]

TSOW,

I think a healthy bond with a therapist is like a friend.? You can talk to them, interact well with them, however if they move away, you will miss them and mention their name sometimes but it is not emotional abandonment.

Remember a therapist wants their client to become the best possible person they can be and they develop empathy toward their client's situation but it is also their job and they will have a certain amount of emotional detachment.

They have to maintain the detachment or else they become too emotionally involved and the relationship is no longer therapeutic for the client.?

TSOW please be careful with your emotions, I would not want to see you get hurt.? Steph

 

[Peanut]

It seems like there may be a difference in perspective on this issue among males and females.? It appears to me, like females desire a closer, more authentic feeling relationship, where as males are more interested in the funtionality of the relationship.?
Of course I'm sure there are a lot of gray areas and exceptions.

 

[foghlaim]

question? isn't part of therapists training on how to keep boundaries.. and making sure the client knows what they are. keeping professionalism to the fore.. while at the same time, enabling the client to feel safe, comfortable, and at ease.. thus both client and therapist have a healthy respect\trust with\for each other.

 

[Halo]

I know for me that trust is a huge factor. With my last dr. it took me quite a long time to build that trust (past issues with trust). She knew this and helped me feel safe and supported. I was finally at a good place (trust and safety wise) and the unimaginable happened....she left. She took a leave of absence for 4 months but now it has turned into a year (if not more). In the meantime I am seeing someone new and am trying hard to building that same safe feeling and trusting relationship. Although I miss my old dr. I am thinking that maybe there is a reason that this happened and this new dr. may have a different perspective on things. Oh sorry.....I was rambling about me again. Anyway, back to the original topic....For me the safety and trust issue are the main things I need in therapy.

 

[Retired]

TSOW please be careful with your emotions, I would not want to see you get hurt.

Steph,

Thank you for your comment. I appreciate your concern

 

[stargazer]

This is such a thought-provoking thread! I turned to it this evening because I am again on the verge of starting out with a new therapist. (I mentioned this some months ago, but that's how long it's been taking me for me to tackle the bureaucracy of the system.)

I've been in spiritual counseling with a priest throughout the past year and a half, and although he is not a trained therapist by any means, we can't help but deal with psychological issues, simply because psychology and spirituality are so intertwined. One thing that has come about is the concept of "detached love," which I think corresponds to how the ideal therapist might relate to the patient. Of course, "love" in this context does not refer to biological or romantic love, or even to fraternal or family love, but to the classic concept of spiritual love, embracing complete good will toward the other, and having the other's best interests at heart. (Not to tangent, but there are actually three words in New Testament Greek for "love" -- eros, philia, and agape -- roughly corresponding to these three kinds of love.)

"Detached love" is, at least in theory, the attitude that promotes the best interests of the other, raising the other to a higher and healthier level of being. I would think that if the therapist were too "attached" to his patient, it would interfere with the objectivity required to accurately assess the patient's needs. However, because it is possible for one to be so detached as to be indifferent or unconcerned with the outcome, I would think that the therapist also does need to care. Further, I think the patient will usually sense if the therapist does not care, and this would be likely to interfere with his progress in therapy.

On the other hand, our close friends and family members care very much about us, but I don't think it's possible for them to view us with the same objectivity as the therapist, who has no family or loyalty-related bond by which to be attached to us. Even without considering the therapist's training and expertise, I would think that the therapist is more apt to be helpful than a family member or a close friend, at least in the kinds of situations that bring people to therapy in the first place.

Of course, the more I sense that the therapist has developed some expertise as a result of his professional training and experience, the more respect I am naturally going to have for the therapist. But I think that if the attitude or outlook of the therapist is one of unconcern or uncaring, it will be a definite turn-off to me. It will interfere with my ability to receive and respond to what the therapist is saying.

I've been fortunate in the past with therapists, because by and large, they are in the profession because they *do* care, like Dr. Baxter and JA and Comfortzone, and I sense that their work is a "calling," just as a pastor or a teacher might view such work as a calling. So although I haven't been in therapy now for over two years, I'm looking forward to beginning this new relationship.

 

[JA]

Hey stargazer!

I like that term, of "detached love"...I think it's really suiting. There's a (relatively) similar concept in psychology refered to as "unconditionnal positive regard". I don't like the term as much as yours, but it's generally accepted to be one of the most important traits for therapists... Basically, it means to view the clients positively no matter what... a therapist with such a quality doesn't necessarily view the behaviors or thoughts of clients positively, but nothing the client does will make him be seen as a bad, or unacceptable person. (It's the same, I guess, as parents who may dislike the actions of their children but not their children themselves...). For unconditionnal positive regard to be present, I think you need to have that form of detached love... Just sharing my thoughts...

Anyway, thanks for that thread, I found it to be very thought-provoking indeed!

 

[stargazer]

Yes. I was a little hesistant to use the expression "detached love" because of the different shades of connotation on the word "love." I think the concept of "unconditional positive regard" is probably closer to defining the attitude that a therapist has for the patient, since using the word "love" might be a little bit over the top. "Positive regard" sounds better, and doesn't run the risk of being as misleading, given the different kinds of love. In any case, I'm glad you see the parallel. And yes again, it's been a very thought-provoking thread.