Don't Quite Understand

[XUrTragicDizazterX]

OKay so I know this may seem kind of stupid to some people out there but when I was two years old my dad died. Since I was so young, I grew up not knowing or remembering anything about my dad. All I knew were the stories my brothers and sisters used to tell about him and about how much he loved me and how much people respected him in the navy. Growing up, it never really bothered me not having a dad but lately it's all I think about. It's like I suddenly realize that I don't have a dad and I miss him especially when I see little girls with their dads or when my friend's talk about their dads. Maybe it's because I'm a teenager now and I now know how my life is different because I don't have a dad but I'm not quite sure. My mother never remarried so it's just me and her which means we have to do a lot that everyone else's dads would be doing such as fixing things around the house and mowing the grass. I've tried explaining it to my friends but all they say is that they have their dads so they wouldn't understand it which I know is true but it's all I think about now. I don't understand why it bothers me now more than when I was growing up and sometimes I feel stupid for even crying over it because it happened so long ago.

 

[Cat Dancer]

I don't think it's stupid at all that you have these feelings. It's ok to be sad and to miss him.

 

[cm]

Hello XUr,
It is very sad that your Dad died, so I can understand why you feel like crying. It is a real loss for you and your family. I hope that you will find a counsellor who you can spend time talking to about it. Please keep us posted as to how you are doing. We care.
cm

 

[XUrTragicDizazterX]

I just don't know what to do to get over it and none of my friends understand it. Me and my mother don't talk about my dad so a counsellor is out of the question. I did ask her about a support group at my school for kids who have lost loved ones and she just said that there was no reason for me to sign up for that since it happened so long ago.

 

[cm]

Hi,
If there is a support group at your school that you are interested in, why not try it out if you feel it may be of some benefit to you. It sounds like maybe your Mom does not wish to participate at this time, but you could, as a part of your own education and personal growth. It sounds like there are some caring people at your school.
cm

 

[ThatLady]

I agree with cm, hon. The school support group sounds like a very good idea to me. It doesn't really matter when a loss occurred. If you're grieving that loss now, now is the time to deal with that grief. Joining your school's support group will help you do that.

 

[kelsischanging]

hey, it's not stupid at all...my dad died when I was nine and some times (alot of times) I realize I don't know what it's like to really have a dad...I was a huge daddy's girl and I can go months with only thinking of him everynow and then but then I can go through times when he's all I think about or I think about him at the weirdest times....maybe while you and your mom are busy taking care of things she can tell you stories...I know I have heard the same stories over and over about my dad but when I really miss him I think of those stories...grief is not something that is over and done with after a specific amount of time...you and I will continue to grieve the loss of our wonderful dads at different times of our lives...I just graduated high school and that was awesome but there was some grief involved b/c my dad couldn't be there...just keep putting one foot infront of the other and you can only move forward...oh yeah don't be afraid to get professional help about this if you need to...just cause you were two doesn't mean you don't hurt and grieve over the loss of your dad
kels

 

[^^Phoenix^^]

Hi tragic
Its not weird or stupid. You feel how you feel, whether you remember him, or your sad because of a void you feel, you need to allow yourself to feel it. but if its bugging you and you need to talk to somebody then you should do it. Its not easy when your friends arn't empathetic, and it sounds like your mum doesn't want you to be affected. What is your relationship like with her? Perhaps she doesn't want you to get involved in the group because she is worried about something... i don't know what... just hypothesising, but perhaps; that she has failed to provide you with a balance? I know this is sometimes the case for mothers that have seperated from their husbands, having to be 'mother and father' you know?? Also grief takes a lo ng time to get over.
just know that what your feeling is ok.

 

[LaHrrS]

It's a shame. If you want to visit a school councilor I suggest you do if it's what you want.
But before you do I'd like to suggest trying it by yourself. Why not visit his grave and let your tears flow there. It might help to relief yourself, crying prevents depression.

Also you have to think of one thing, whether your religious or not. Your father is always around. He was a well respected man, he wouldn't want you to be sad, he'd want you to be happy and know that he is holding your hand. No matter where you go.

Your mother also seems to still be suffering. Neither of you talk about him, I suggest you change that. Reminisce with your mother, let her tell you what she thinks of him, let her think of all the good times she's had with him. It will do both of you good.