i had thought i had did the right thing by issuing a document. needless to say, two years later, i feel like everyone knows it was me. yet i have been told nobody knows.. this is waying heavily on my mind... what can i do?
What kind of document? Regardless, it does not seem worrying to me since it was two years ago. Also, most employees are focused on their daily concerns and the upcoming weekend, not what happened a couple years ago.
well what happened was I released a document to the media which caused the biggest uproar in our city.. more like a whistle blower action. now all of a sudden, I feel that I should not have, and axiety is all of a sudden creeping up everyday. I feel every knows it was me.. and that every one is watching.. yet nothing has been said and most people blamed someone else. it has been very stressful for me lately and is the focus of my every thought, yet nobody knows.
well, its a combination of both. after 24 years in the job, and too early to retire, yes im afraid of being fired. and it was the right thing to do as it change our work place like nothing before... but all of a sudden it reared its ugly head and now i cannot help but focus on it again.. and again.
everything at work is now being done above board. but since the profession im in so such a tight knit organization, i would be considered a snitch and outcast......and probably suspended..ruin to say the least
Have a look at some of the resources here, especially the ones on cognitive restructuring (CBT) by David Burns. I can understand why you would worry but you need some "counter-arguments" to reduce the anxiety to a more reasonable level. It's been 2 years and all indications are that you are not suspected. It seems unlikely that all of sudden anyone would point the finger in your direction.
yes that is true... it has been almost two years to the date..but i still feel terrible.. i do not know if you have dealt with in th elaw enforcement communtiy, but they are a tough bunch...it seems everytime someone looks at me, i get he impression they know.. its killing me inside.. and I have nobody to tell...so i cant let it out
I have had contact with the law enforcement community, both as clients and in my forensic court work. It may help you to talk about your specific fears here or with a therapist. I do urge you to have a look at some of the resources I mentioned, too.
im going to book store tomorrow.. and thanks for listening.. i know its been two years, but when i took this job, i had such pride and integrity and a very big conscience, and now i feel like i have thrown it all away.. its such a double standard, plus this job twists you in ways the average person doesnt understand
i find it ironic that i am a peer counselor, but we in this field are afraid to ask for help.. i noticed that some of my co workers want to know why ive been quiet lately...so its then i realized i need to let it out and get it off my chest.
its just so hard to sit still and not say anything with nobody to tell...it sometimes weighs heavily on my chest.....i could just yell...but again.. thanks for taking the time to talk to a complete stranger..if i told anyone it would just blow them away
I'm glad you're feeling better, funguy. Sometimes, it just takes us a little time, and some information, to get a handle on what we're feeling and what we need to do to deal with it proactively. Sounds like you're on your way, hon! Kudos!
i apologize. i was reading for almost two hours...little groggy on the title..yes very informative...i had suffered from panic attacks before and saw a therapist who really help, but this help reconfirm his help.. very good book