Feeling sad and irritated

[panpan]

My younger brother and I had a chat after dinner. I asked him about upgrading my computer desktop, wanting to buy a new memory RAM. Since my motherboard is old and that means obsolete, he said I need to buy a new motherboard. I insisted on buying a new memory coz i think somewhere there maybe a store that sells old computer parts, at least.

He asked why don't i buy a new motherboard instead of buying an old memory card? I replied, I can't afford to buy one coz I don't have enough money. Then he said, that's why you need to work find a job! that's what works means earning some money!. He said to my mom, I'm not doing anything, how can i earn money that way.....


Those words he said to me was very hurtful. :sob2: I did applied for a job several times, but the competition is so huge. I'm trying my best to start over since I was diagnosed. I even made a plan or step on how to get started on my career. :sob2:

I know what he said was true and I get irritated to myself. :sob2: I feel like no one understands me. :sob2:

 

[Daniel E.]

Even before this incident, you were self-critical about your unemployment. So it's not surprising you felt this way after talking with your brother. And people with depression, dysthymia, etc. can feel a low degree of self-worth even when they are successful celebrities. As mentioned in the book Feeling Good by David Burns, we all have the same self-worth, regardless of what we do or think.

So it would help to separate your self-worth from what is going on in your life. One way to do that is to be aware of your all-or-nothing thinking and other cognitive distortions about yourself. For example:

These kinds of thought patterns tend to erode self-esteem:

• All-or-nothing thinking. You see things as either all good or all bad. For example, "If I don't succeed in this task, I'm a total failure."
• Mental filtering. You see only negatives and dwell on them, distorting your view of a person or situation. For example, "I made a mistake on that report and now everyone will realize I'm not up to this job."
• Converting positives into negatives. You reject your achievements and other positive experiences by insisting that they don't count. For example, "I only did well on that test because it was so easy."
• Jumping to negative conclusions. You reach a negative conclusion when little or no evidence supports it. For example, "My friend hasn't replied to my e-mail, so I must have done something to make her angry."
• Mistaking feelings for facts. You confuse feelings or beliefs with facts. For example, "I feel like a failure, so I must be a failure." No matter how strong a feeling is, it isn't a fact.
• Self put-downs. You undervalue yourself, put yourself down or use self-deprecating humor. This can result from overreacting to a situation, such as making a mistake. For example, "I don't deserve anything better."

Self-esteem: Boost your self-image with these 5 steps - MayoClinic.com

Also:

No matter how accusatory the thought, no matter how dreadful the feeling, you do not allow that thought or that feeling to glide into self-criticism.

You can see why committing to eliminating self-criticism necessarily returns you to the six keys we discussed in earlier episodes:

• You refrain from criticizing yourself because self-criticism does not help you achieve your meaning-making goals or aid you in leading an authentic life.
• You refrain from criticizing yourself because self-criticism does nothing to help you appraise situations.
• You refrain from criticizing yourself because self-criticism is in conflict with the philosophical, phlegmatic attitude you have decided to adopt.
• You refrain from criticizing yourself because you recognize that self-criticism is maladaptive self-talk that only serves to weaken and incapacitate you.
• You refrain from criticizing yourself because you conclude that self-criticism is a shadowy part of your personality and one of the ways you avoid facing up to life’s challenges.
• You refrain from criticizing yourself because you understand that self-criticism is not a motivator but a disincentive to act.

It is hard, verging on impossible, to effectively handle criticism if you regularly turn information from the world into self-criticism.

Dealing with self-criticism

More info:
The Imposter Syndrome
http://forum.psychlinks.ca/coping-s...skills-dont-compare-yourself-with-others.html
Three Elements of Self-Compassion
http://forum.psychlinks.ca/mental-h...ps-to-handling-your-unemployment-anxiety.html
CBT - Cognitive Behavior Therapy