Goals in Therapy

[foghlaim]

i have read thru a lot of the posts here, diff topics etc and the question of goals for clients seems to crop up every so often. I thought that maybe a thread where, for those who choose to, could maybe try and come up with goals for themselves.
as for myself - off the top of my head:

• to not want out of this world,
• to be able to go where i want and not fear, crowds, spaces etc.
• to be able to drive again
• to not want to si all the time
• to not have\feel depression
• to get off these meds.
• and to get the right therapy\therapist to help me find me.

maybe these aren't goals, maybe they are only fantasies, but they are some of the things i would like to happen.

nsa

 

[ThatLady]

None of the things you list seem like fantasies to me, NSA. They all seem like goals anyone would have. It seems to me like you're just looking for the opportunity to live life on your terms, without fear and without guilt. Good goals, to my mind!

I really believe that with more therapy and help to learn better coping strategies, you will reach these goals, hon. It's going to take some time, but you're already making progress. You can get in a car! You couldn't do that before. Baby steps are sometimes hard because they require us to be patient while we grow. Yet, it's going to be worth it. Try to remember that.

I, personally, am very proud of how far you've come. I'm looking forward to watching you progress.

 

[Halo]

Hi All,

I have to say that my list is going to read alot like NSA. I too struggle with the following:

- feeling down/depressed all the time.
- feeling like I don't want to live.
- finding the right medication and/or type of therapy.
- accepting that I am not like others (mentally)
- accepting myself (physically).
- wanting to si and escape everyday to take away the pain.
- not being loveable and hating myself.
- scared/panicked to be in a romantic relationship.
- not feeling independent.

I think those are the main ones.

NSA, I think that this topic is a great one...nice job, glad you thought of it. I am going to be really interested to see what others have to say.

Nancy

 

[ThatLady]

Yours are good goals, as well, Nancy...except for one. There's no need to make a goal to accept that you're not like others, mentally or otherwise. Of course, you're not like others! Neither am I, and I don't regret that one bit. We're each individual unto ourselves, and that's how it should be. We don't want a whole world of clones who think alike, act alike and feel alike. Individuality is something to be embraced, not eschewed.

I think a better goal would be to learn to love the Nancy who is. I know I do.

 

[Halo]

Hi ThatLady.

I completely understand what you are saying except that I get angry when I think that others do not have to care about their mental health and don't have the struggles to even just get up in the morning and don't have worry about making it through the day without hurting themselves and without completely breaking down into a mess. That is what I meant by not being like others (mentally).

I hope this makes a little more sense. Thank you for saying the nice things about me. It is nice to hear (considering that I tend not to believe it when people say it but it is still nice to hear).

Thanks again ThatLady.

Nancy

 

[Cat Dancer]

I've been thinking about this. I'm not really too sure for myself. I feel like I'm full of some kind of poison or something and I wish that I could get it out of me

I also would like to not have constant thoughts of suicide and self injury.

I'd like to feel better, to have hope, to be stronger, emotionally, mentally, and physically.

I'd like to feel like a real person, not an invisible person.

I'd like to not feel like worthless garbage. I'm not sure really.

I guess I'm afraid I'm going to find out those things are really true and I'm stuck this way.

 

[ThatLady]

You're welcome, Nancy...and, what you say did clarify your wishes a bit.

As to not believeing the nice things that are said about you, that's part of the depression. It's harder,even, on the internet, since we can't see one another's faces when we talk here. However, I can assure you I don't say what I don't mean...ever (sometimes, that's a fault ). You're a sincere, caring, open person. You've had the courage to speak of your difficulties and to try to do something about them. Too many simply hide their problems from everyone around them. They appear to be something they're really not. That's why the actual incidences of SI, suicidal ideation, and other undesireable coping mechanisms aren't actually known. They're probably far higher than we know. Many of those seemingly happy people may be hiding their own demons.

 

[ThatLady]

Janet, you're not invisible. I "see" you. We all "see" you, and we hear you, as well. I can guarantee you you're NOT garbage! I know. I took out all the garbage this morning.

You're a very caring, sweet, giving person. You've been led to believe otherwise by those around you; yet, everyone here thinks the world of you. Pay heed to that, Janet. You'll soon be in therapy, and these are things you'll be working on. It's my guess that with your strength of spirit, and your tenacity, you'll do very well. You'll come to see that it isn't you who is off the mark.

 

[Holly]

I've been thinking about this. I'm not really too sure for myself. I feel like I'm full of some kind of poison or something and I wish that I could get it out of me

I also would like to not have constant thoughts of suicide and self injury.

I'd like to feel better, to have hope, to be stronger, emotionally, mentally, and physically.

I'd like to feel like a real person, not an invisible person.

I'd like to not feel like worthless garbage. I'm not sure really.

I guess I'm afraid I'm going to find out those things are really true and I'm stuck this way.

Dear Janet,
I remember feeling that I had been poisoned, I was married very young, it was horrible experience.
Instead of feeling like I was in a growing healthy relationship, it was more abuse, it was a very unhealthy relationship.
He abused me, it made me feel useless, not worthy, invisible also. I feel like garbage too Janet, I always wondered, can I do anything right!
I soon realized I could do many things right Janet, I left him filed for a divorce.
I walked down the highway with my daughter inside my belly, I went to get help.
I never looked back, I started to see hope, this happened before I was raped Janet.
I was afraid, but with therapy, and organization putting supports in place.
I started to grow as a individual person. I started to feel better about myself.
NO ONE CONTROLLED ME!
I had returned to school later in my life, my daughter went to a day home when I was in school.
I even took classes in my early 30's so I could get into college.
I wanted to be the best mother, person I could be for myself, I would not be any help to my daughter if I did not take care of myself.
It takes time, you have to believe me Janet, my learning to feel better did not happen over night, in time you will feel better, Janet.
You are not invisible either Janet!! You are a special person who deserves to be happy.
Take care your in my thoughts Holly

 

[Peanut]

Wow--what a great idea notsureanymore!!! Actually--EXCELLENT idea!!

Janet~That was gutwrenching to read. Hang in there OK? You'll get through this. Those are good goals to have and you'll be able to meet them. I know you will. Not that it will be of much help but the way that you see yourself is definitely NOT how other people see you. People LOVE YOU a lot!

I am too much of a chicken to put my own goals down. I admire you guys for doing it! I want to but... then it would be in writing and I might have to actually face them

 

[Peanut]

I guess I just wanted to come back and add that I also wanted to express my support for Nancy and notsureanymore's goals too. I think this thread was a really great idea and I was really impressed at how concisely you could all identify specific goals. Setting goals with emotions and feelings is seriously hard for me to do, and it was really something to see you guys be able to do it so well. It's like you all know what you want.

And maybe that's a huge step for you Nancy--if you figured out your goals on your own, maybe you can show them to your therapist and see if she can get on board with them.

Well I guess that's all I wanted to say guys. After reading those lists I'm at a bit of a loss for words. They were quite poignant.

 

[Halo]

Hi All,

Thank you for your continued support of me. Although I still really struggle with hearing nice things about me (with or without seeing people face to face) but I am hoping that someday I can just say thank you and really feel like I believe what is being said to me...I will keep trying.

And maybe that's a huge step for you Nancy--if you figured out your goals on your own, maybe you can show them to your therapist and see if she can get on board with them.

Toeless, I have done this sort of thing before with my therapist where I have told her what I hoped to get out of therapy and what would make me happier. She usually just agrees that yes this is what I need to work on but she doesn't help me or explain to me how to change my thinking and feeling. I sometimes wish that there were assignments/homework/tasks anything that would help me with getting to a point that I can get better. I am going to try again though and print the list off and give it to her. I just keep hoping that someday/sometime it will click and she can help me instead of just giving me more and more medication and saying that hopefully they work.

Anyway, I do really think that this is a great topic and Toeless I am waiting to hear from you....

Take Care everyone
Nancy

 

[foghlaim]

She usually just agrees that yes this is what I need to work on but she doesn't help me or explain to me how to change my thinking and feeling.

Nancy, just wanted to say that i think CBT would help you to change the way you think about yourself and help you on your way towards feeling a lot better. Maybe u can mention this to your therapist and if she doesn't use cbt in her practice maybe she can refer you to someone who does.

just a thought ok. my previous psych (when i get backto him) will be using this technique with me and i'm hoping just like you to be able to feel a lot better about myself (and other things). I think we both (and others) suffer from distorted thinking and psychotherapy combned with cbt can help us.

Janet: you are a very real person, who cares and feels for others, you are not invisible ok. I hope when u start therapy that things will pick up for you, please know you are cared about here.

anyone else that wants to post their goals, feel free, or even their ideas on what therapy could be for them, i think these ideas would be similar to goals maybe, i could be wrong.

any other opinions are most welcome.
thanks
nsa.

 

[Cat Dancer]

I just wanted to say thanks to notsure for starting this thread. It made me really think about this topic and what I would like to accomplish.

I hope for all of us that we can get where we want to be.

ThatLady, thank you for your always kind words to me.

Holly, thank you for sharing that painful experience.

I remember feeling that I had been poisoned, I was married very young, it was horrible experience.
Instead of feeling like I was in a growing healthy relationship, it was more abuse, it was a very unhealthy relationship.
He abused me, it made me feel useless, not worthy, invisible also. I feel like garbage too Janet, I always wondered, can I do anything right!

I can relate to that so much. It's such a confusing place to be in, almost letting someone else define who you are. I think even just realizing these things is a huge step. I am glad you got out.

Toeless, thanks for what you said. Maybe you could make a mental list of your goals in your mind? If you don't feel comfortable sharing them.

Nancy, I think it is a good idea to share your list with your therapist. I can sense your frustration and see that you want to get well.

 

[Peanut]

Toeless, I have done this sort of thing before with my therapist where I have told her what I hoped to get out of therapy and what would make me happier. She usually just agrees that yes this is what I need to work on but she doesn't help me or explain to me how to change my thinking and feeling. I sometimes wish that there were assignments/homework/tasks anything that would help me with getting to a point that I can get better. I am going to try again though and print the list off and give it to her. I just keep hoping that someday/sometime it will click and she can help me instead of just giving me more and more medication and saying that hopefully they work.

I think that if she doesn't take your list and start doing something with it that you should find another therapist. Aren't you in the same area as Dr. Baxter? Can you get a recommendation of someone that might be better?

 

[foghlaim]

I hope for all of us that we can get where we want to be.

i share that sentiment with you Janet.
one day, some day, we will,
what's that saying, maybe not today, maybe not tomorow, but someday. (is that it?)
we all will. as David and others have pointed out, one day at a time. this is where i am at the min, i make a list of thing to be done and if i can get thru it, ok, of not so what , the world won't end.

take care
nsa

 

[Cat Dancer]

i make a list of thing to be done and if i can get thru it, ok, of not so what , the world won't end.

Oh, I like that. I'm going to remember that too. Thanks for saying that.

 

[Halo]

I think that if she doesn't take your list and start doing something with it that you should find another therapist. Aren't you in the same area as Dr. Baxter? Can you get a recommendation of someone that might be better?

I agree with you Toeless that I am going to speak to her about the list that I made and what I need and want to work on. I keep hoping for a different outcome each time I bring this topic up but maybe it is time for me to make a change and give up on going to a psychiatrist. I don't know much about CBT and what happens or works but I know that I need something different because it aint working for me. Yes I am in the same area as Dr. B. so I would think that he may know of some resources if needed.

Thank you
Nancy

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I'd be happy to do that if you wish, Nancy. Just send me a PM if you want some suggestions and give me some specifications as to what you're seeking,

 

[Halo]

Thank you Dr. B. I have an appointment next Wed and we shall see after that. I am going to lay it all on the line (no holding back) and see what happens. If the normal happens talk about meds etc. etc. and not get to the real issues of what I need to do to change things then I will definitely take you up on your offer.

I will keep you posted.
Thanks again
Nancy