Goals in Therapy

[stargazer]

That all makes good sense to me, baseballcap. I think I was probably reacting to the expression regarding background--it's a State of California thing. Whenever I go for a job at a city agency, or school district, or summer children's program, etc., I have to get fingerprinted and it's kind of a pain. Sometimes I've been fingerprinted one week and again for another job three weeks later, as if I'm going to have committed some sort of major crime in the meantime.

But I see what you mean, and the questions the therapist is likely to ask are certainly very relevant--I was married, for example, I have a daughter, I've been in business for myself, I'm a musician, I went to the Conservatory and to a University, my dad was in the Navy, etc. All those things are useful information.

I have to sign off now before the laptop powers down--might not be online too consistently till things open up again on Tuesday and I get paid and can get to the bank.

 

[Halo]

SG

I know that you said that you will probably not be on much until Tuesday and given that Tuesday is also the day of your appointment I just wanted to wish you good luck with it and whenever you have processed the session I would love to hear about it.

Speaking from experience here with many, many first appointments with all different kinds of therapists, the biggest suggestion that I can give you is to have patience. I know that this can be hard when you just want to get to the now stuff but speaking from what I have experienced, they (therapists) normally have a routine of questions that they like to ask and which helps them build a background as to who you are and why you are here. Maybe spending one or two sessions going over the background information is needed for them to truly be able to help you with what you need to deal with today. If you start off with the today stuff then they may not be able to help you as much as if they knew your history. I always chalk the first session or two up to "getting to know each other" and then keeping in the back of my mind that the hard work and talking about today issues with eventually come in time.

I hope that made some sense and that you have a good appt.

 

[Into The Light]

hi sg, i understand now that the background expression made you react more strongly. i had no idea. i'm just speaking canadian english in any case we've gotten our communication sorted out.

i don't know if you'll be reading this before tuesday but best of luck and i hope it goes well. i will be thinking of you.

 

[stargazer]

hi sg, i understand now that the background expression made you react more strongly. i had no idea. i'm just speaking canadian english in any case we've gotten our communication sorted out.

Yes, glad we got it sorted out! I ought to have been a little more hip to the differences between the type of "background info" a therapist needs to know, and the type of "background info" a prospective employer needs to know, to make sure that what happened in Sacramento with that janitor doesn't happen again. I won't go into detail, but it sparked the new laws regarding mandatory fingerprint checks of *all* city agency employees, as well as employees of California counties, and, of course, the State itself. The fingerprints cost money, they take time out of one's schedule, and in a field like mine, they happen very frequently. I wish there were a better system, but I fully understand that a public school district, for example, *must* do what they can to ensure that a school employee is not a convicted child molester or drug dealer.

All that said, I definitely reacted irrationally to your innocent use of the word "background," and I do want to reiterate my apology. I also think you are a very nice person.

Just returned from therapy & will be posting in a bit. It was indescribably, absolutely wonderful--I was almost in tears. I don't know that I've ever experienced anything like it, ever, in my entire life.

 

[stargazer]

I know that you said that you will probably not be on much until Tuesday and given that Tuesday is also the day of your appointment I just wanted to wish you good luck with it and whenever you have processed the session I would love to hear about it.

I am in the process of deciding that I might process this all better by posting my notes in some detail. I took notes, and also received a "Client Plan" from the therapist, some of which is borderline-illegible. But it was all good. Inspiring, I would say. I don't know that I have ever been so honest with anyone, or that I have ever experienced anything so positive in my entire life. Then again, I am a rather emotional fellow with a tendency toward over-elation at times. I was surprised I didn't burst into tears upon leaving the office. However, by the time I'd finished walking home, I felt mostly a strong sense of peace and contentment, and of hope for myself and for humanity.

...they (therapists) normally have a routine of questions that they like to ask and which helps them build a background as to who you are and why you are here... I hope that made some sense and that you have a good appt.

Yes, it did make sense. Partly due to the length of the appointment, however, (since we spent over two hours there) it seemed that she was able to complete her routine list of questions and also give me plenty of space to discuss the key "today" issues that I'd hoped to bring up. I didn't go into great detail over these issues, but definitely was able to get the basic perceptions as to what happened to me after my Mom died out into the open. I'm not sure I've ever expressed this here on PsychLinks, as I only recently became aware of it myself, through conversations with my older sister and with my best friend Rob.

I also was able to discuss the rape, and the post-traumatic stress disorder. I've talked about this only with Dr. Baxter and one other person here, but I might as well let you all know that I was raped by a large African-American man during the first of my four periods of homelessness, in May of 2004. This is the first time I've discussed it in therapy, or even much at all, with anyone. I also have learned that, even though I am a man, I can still go the Women's Center and receive sexual assault counseling. And I must do so. I have waited too long.

But neither of these discussions took up much time. I was just glad that I was able to bring them up.

I'm going to see her again in two weeks (she's an MFT, by the way) and for a number of times individually before being placed in a group. The County prefers people get into groups as soon as possible, largely for budget reasons, but the therapist believes she and I should meet individually a few more times.

It's Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. I've learned a little about it here on Psych Links, but what I was able to grasp today is that beliefs/thoughts come first, and then lead to feelings/emotions, which may then give rise to behaviors. She also spoke of some other styles of therapy to be involved, including Rational-Emotive Behavioral Therapy, which I suppose is similar. (?) And she recommended the Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns.

I had to list off my friends, and I realized that my set of friends appears to be changing, as perhaps I myself am starting to change. But Rob is definitely my best friend, and that will probably never change. I counted 8 people I consider to be friends, though in varying degrees...

So, the goals are:

(1) Symptom Management (particularly with regards to hypomania and depression) -- I can't read her other notes here....hmm....

(2) Learn Triggers -- what kinds of thoughts trigger the negative emotions of frustration and anger

(3) Increase Ability to Focus (confusion has been an issue for me, especially with regard to lack of direction in life, and general disorientation...moving back to the Bay Area, back to Lodi, back to the Bay Area, back to Lodi, etc.)

(4) Increase Positive Coping

These are not necessarily in order, and I think a couple of them are connected, but I can't make out her notes, unfortunately.

And we talked about so many other things--developing healthy attitudes toward sexuality and relationships, my mother having been bipolar, the tendency toward spending sprees, and I guess most of all how Mom manipulated my choices in a very benign way, seeing how she could get me to make a rational decision further on down the line, without my ever suspecting that it was her who was guiding my decisions. She wanted to do so subtly, and craftily, so as not to leave me with the impression that she was denying me my independence.

So, when I lost Mom, I lost an ability I had never really had: the ability to make reasonable, practical decisions in life. My earlier successes, and how I managed to get myself to the point where I had a $50,000 annual income and a nice car and so forth, were largely due to a guidance I was unknowingly receiving from her.

And it may well have been because of her own bipolar disorder, that she was able to recognizes tendencies in me that she herself, being an extremely disciplined person, was able to avert and surmount through self-awareness and discipline. And, of course, I was her son, and her favored son, her first-born son.

The good news is that now I can learn to make the kinds of decisions that I am actually capable of within myself. I had never learned this earlier, but I have the rest of my life ahead of me, and the opportunity to develop these skills. I will then finally know that I am actually who I am, and not only a product of my mother. My self-esteem will increase, because I will know within myself that the answers really do lie, as every Buddhist teacher has ever told me, within me.

That's about all I can say for now. Of course, I am totally in tears. I had never expected something like a therapy appointment could be so phenomenal. But at the same time, my emotions are not always my friends, and I must shortly leave, and focus, and teach my piano students down the street (for the first time in three months, by the way--can't wait to see them!)

But I did want to share the good news, and though perhaps I elaborated or even might have exaggerated the wonderfulness of it all, I do want to say that I am greatly encouraged, and I feel that I am at last ready to receive the help that I have needed, and yet have denied myself, for so long.

And thank you all so much for your continuing support. God bless you.

 

[Cat Dancer]

Stargazer, that sounds very encouraging. I'm very glad for you.

 

[Into The Light]

stargazer please don't apologize, i was never offended, or thought anything negative, i hope you didn't get that impression. i'm just here to try and help . and thank you for the compliment, it brought a smile to my face

to respond to your lengthier post about your therapy session today, i cannot tell you how pleased i am for you!! what a positive experience!! i am so glad things seem to be on the right track for you and that you are focusing better. that is fantastic. i am sorry to hear about your horrible experience that led to your PTSD but i am glad you are finally getting the help you need with that. that is a very traumatic experience that i cannot even imagine going through. it takes a lot of courage to face it and to tell your therapist and us about it.

what is an mft?

so glad to hear your update, keep us posted and well done for going to the session with an open mind :yahoo:

 

[Into The Light]

My self-esteem will increase, because I will know within myself that the answers really do lie, as every Buddhist teacher has ever told me, within me.

this has sparked in interest in me. i have never really looked at buddhism but it always seemed like a wise religion. do you have any recommendations on what to look for to learn more? any special websites or books? or any other advice that you would like to share based on your experiences with buddhism? i just have the feeling one needs to connect with ones inner spirit to truly find peace and self-acceptance, and the teachings of buddhism may be a way of accomplishing this.

 

[stargazer]

i am sorry to hear about your horrible experience that led to your PTSD but i am glad you are finally getting the help you need with that. that is a very traumatic experience that i cannot even imagine going through. it takes a lot of courage to face it and to tell your therapist and us about it.

I'm also finding that my sexual attitudes were all screwed up even before I was raped, but then they got really weird. For a long time, I couldn't get into certain positions in bed without sort of seeing a picture of the cold, evil look on that guy's face...but maybe I shouldn't talk about it too much in this particular forum. I just wanted to validate what you said. It's something that needs to be dealt with, and I've resisted that.

what is an mft?

MFT stands for "Marriage and Family Therapist" -- but I have no idea why, since they seem to treat individuals as well. Also, I'm not sure if it's a United States or possibly even a California categorization.

i have never really looked at buddhism but it always seemed like a wise religion. do you have any recommendations on what to look for to learn more? any special websites or books? or any other advice that you would like to share based on your experiences with buddhism? i just have the feeling one needs to connect with ones inner spirit to truly find peace and self-acceptance, and the teachings of buddhism may be a way of accomplishing this.

My friend Eugene Alliende (also incidentally an MFT with a Masters Degree in Psychotherapy) has a really excellent handout on the subject. He's sort of an informal teacher of mine right now. I can give you his e-mail address in a PM, and I'm sure he'd be glad to send you the info.

I was first introduced to Buddhism by reading a book by Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche entitled "The Myth of Freedom." I later departed from Trungpa, and after reading a book called "Gesture of Balance" by Tarthang Tulku, shifted over to his emphasis. As a Christian, however, I don't pay much attention to some of the cosmology, ideas regarding reincarnation, and so forth. But I find that meditation (when I bother to practice it, which lately has been very rarely) is a great way to find the solutions that lie within us. It's a very empowering practice.

A good simple web page for beginners in meditation is here. I don't know anything about the teacher, but it's a single page that's easy to understand, and it succeeded in getting me to practice again after many years.

I recall now I was doing somewhat better in those days, before leaving it behind. Like any other discipline, you have to keep it up. But it gets easier to keep it up once you're in the swing of it.

I appreciate your asking. I also have a number of essays I've written on Buddhism which I can e-mail you if you're interested.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Also do a search for a book called Thoughts Without A Thinker - the author escapes me for the moment but he's a buddhist psychotherapist who talks about merging buddhist principles with principles of psychotherapy.

 

[stargazer]

Mark Epstein. A great web site, including wonderful quotes from the book, may be found here. (Am I creating these links correctly? I don't think this is bbcode, and I know it's not html...)

Yes, you mentioned the book in an earlier post, on my message board actually, when we were first getting acquainted. The message board, by the way, has been suspended. I received the funds and then learned of a $50 late fee--and I was having too many problems at the time. They let me float for a month, then took it down on August 28th. If you click on the link, you still get the front page, but none of the other pages. Did you download the new pages I sent a week or so ago? Just thought I'd ask. I'm sorry about all this.

On another note, it was wonderful to see two of my students again today, and to teach them. Shanise is doing two Kuhlau Sonatinas and I'm having her return to the Moonlight, no pun intended. But I want her to do the Bach Prelude in C Major in the recital. I listened to it today, and it was hard to hold back tears. It's such a beautiful piece to begin with, and I guess what impresses me the most is the sheer energy and diligence that she puts into all the work. Even as it resounds so magnificently, she seems not to know how talented she is. I can't quite figure it.

 

[Daniel E.]

BTW, I love Mark Epstein's writing. Before reading his book Open to Desire, I thought Buddhism, depression, and pessimism had too much in common.

 

[stargazer]

I should probably get ahold of that book. I've never read it, but I have occasionally fallen prey to the very same notion--that Buddhism links in a subtle way to depression and pessismism. For a long time I refused to meditate because I figured the norepenephrine rush I got from long distance running made me happier, and that the running itself was meditation. The more I got into Buddhism, the more I realized that was a crock.

 

[ThatLady]

Here are three sites that cover the basics of Buddhism:

Bhuddism

A Basic Buddhism Guide: Basic Buddhist Concepts

http://www.hinduwebsite.com/buddhism/buddhaconcepts.asp

I've also read Epstein's book and found it very interesting.

 

[Halo]

SG

I just wanted to say that I am glad that you had such a great session with your therapist.....althought hard and tiresome, they are usually the most rewarding. I think that it sounds like your appt. went very well and you seemed to open up to her and be honest which is key in therapy. GOOD JOB!!!!! :goodjob:

I am too sorry to hear about the rape that occurred a while back but I know with the resources and therapy that you have available to you, you will get past this and move forward.

Take care and again good job. I am proud of you

 

[Into The Light]

thank you for all the links, i have a lot of reading ahead of me stargazer you can pm me and we can talk further there.

 

[stargazer]

Thanks for the links, ThatLady. I liked the second one a lot. Baseballcap, I'll PM you.

 

[stargazer]

SG
I just wanted to say that I am glad that you had such a great session with your therapist.....althought hard and tiresome, they are usually the most rewarding. I think that it sounds like your appt. went very well and you seemed to open up to her and be honest which is key in therapy. GOOD JOB!!!!! :goodjob:

I am too sorry to hear about the rape that occurred a while back but I know with the resources and therapy that you have available to you, you will get past this and move forward.

Take care and again good job. I am proud of you

Nancy, thanks so much for saying all that. That means a lot to me! Blessings.