Goals in Therapy

[Halo]

Hi All,

I know that I said that I would probably log on after my appointment but obviously that didn't happen so I thought that I would log on now and give you all an update.

I went to my appointment yesterday and it went okay. I wouldn't say great because I didn't leave with such a great feeling. Anyway, from the beginning (I will apologize now if this is going to be scrambled as that is how my brain feels). When I went in she asked me how my weeks were and I told her not good. I did tell her about the drinking (5 out 7 nights) and the drug use and all the other methods of escape/si that I have been using. She obviously doesn't understand the whole escpaing/si issues because she kept saying that I just needed to keep busy. She knows that I work 2 jobs so when I do get some free time I like to spend it in my bedroom alone. She wants me to get more active and not spend so much time by myself. She suggested that I go for a walk and listen to music. Now I know that these are good things to do but it still will not stop or replace the need to escape. I can only walk for so long and eventually I will be alone with my brain. I got a little frustrated when she suggested walking as I don't think that a walk is really going to help with my escpaing.

Next I read out loud and gave her my list of goals in therapy. She thought that they were very general and as she said she wondered if a life coach could help with these as they are very general overall things. A Life Coach??? I thought to myself is she serious? Anyway, I then politely and non-confrontational told her that although the support that I am recieving her from is great, I didn't think that I was making much progress working towards my goals. She did ask me what I wanted and I froze. I could not respond properly so I just blurted out....What do you suggest? She replied that she would like to see me start a new medication (of course the medication pushing again). She gave me a script for Clonazepam. She knows my history of abusing prescription drugs and therefore we agreed that she would only give me 14 pills. She asked me if I could guarantee her 100% that I would not take more than the prescribed amount and I said no. I didn't think that at that moment I could agree to that but I did tell her that I could promise her about 90% that I wouldn't and I am really going to try hard not to abuse them. If I think that I am going to get into trouble with them then I will get rid of them. I guess this new script is for anxiety and to help control it. She didn't really say but told me to take it when I feel anxious and alone.

Next we talked about me seeing a Psychologist for CBT. She said that she thinks that it would be a good idea and that she has a couple of colleages that she wants to refer me to. She did say that she would check with them and see if they have any availability and how busy they are. I didn't tell her but my hope is that I can see someone weekly. Dr. B. can I pm you with the names of these people and I can get your input? She is going to be seeing them at a conference today so she is going to speak to them.

She also talked about getting me into Group Therapy. She is also going to see the psychiatrist today that heads the group and she will speak to her about getting me in. I am scared about group settings but am willing to do anything to help.

One thing that did come up was I felt like she got annoyed with me and said that I am going to have to help myself. I got defensive and replied that I know that. I wanted to say that if I didn't want to help myself Why the crap would I be here asking for more help??? Hello??? (sorry that was sarcastic but that is how I feel).

Well I don't go back to see her for a month so I guess I am suppose to just sit and wait until then to find out what is happening wiht a possible referral. I am not sure how comfortable I am with her being involved with the psychologist who she refers me to. She said that way they can talk back and forth (the talking about me is kind of freaking me out). I asked her if I would still be able to see her and she said I don't know, we shall have to see what happens. I said if only for the medication issues.

I know that this is a long post but I really needed to get all this off my chest. Thank you to everyone for your support and guidance when I had to do the hard things. If anyone has any input and or feedback on this it would be appreciated.

Thanks again to everyone.
Nancy

 

[ThatLady]

Sounds to me like you did very well, Nancy. You did everything you had planned to do. Give yourself a hand, hon!

Now, if it were me, I'd be on the phone in a few days asking for her referrals. I'd make it clear I'm very anxious to get started in CBT and, therefore, anxious to have the names of the therapists to whom she wishes to refer me. This might seem pushy, but it's actually just showing a realistic wish to help yourself, which is what she said she wants to see from you.

Group therapy is often a scary thought for people. I know I was scared to death when my doctor suggested it to me. Once there, however, I found I really liked it. I didn't feel like I was all alone and always center stage with my problems. There were others there who had troubles, too. It was really a good feeling...much more so than I expected when it was first suggested to me.

Good luck, hon. You're really taking this into your own hands and you're doing very well with it, in my opinion. You did get her agreement that CBT would be a good thing for you. Now, if she decides to withdraw, the CBT therapist can find someone else to prescribe medications if he/she feels they're needed. I don't think that's a real worry.

 

[Cat Dancer]

I think it's really good that you did this. I would have similiar feelings of frustration with some of the things she said to you.

Now I know that these are good things to do but it still will not stop or replace the need to escape. I can only walk for so long and eventually I will be alone with my brain.

Wow. I can sure relate to this. I CANNOT stand being alone with myself and my thoughts. I fall asleep with the tv on and something always has to be going on. I'm not really sure why. I guess that could be a goal to work toward, being alone with your own thoughts?

It kind of does sound like you're going to have to keep on her about those referrals.

I think this is a step in the right direction for you.

 

[Halo]

Thanks TL and Janet, I know that I made some good progress and yes I will probably have to keep on her about the referrals. I felt like she almost didn't take it seriously and was like ya in passing I will check with them. Anyway, I will hope for the best.

I want to thank you both again for your very positive feedback as that is exactly what I need right now.

Nancy

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Next we talked about me seeing a Psychologist for CBT. She said that she thinks that it would be a good idea and that she has a couple of colleages that she wants to refer me to. She did say that she would check with them and see if they have any availability and how busy they are. I didn't tell her but my hope is that I can see someone weekly. Dr. B. can I pm you with the names of these people and I can get your input?

Certainly, Nancy.

 

[stargazer]

I haven't read *all* your posts, but it really does sound like you need a new therapist. You and she just aren't hitting it off. Also, if you do get weekly CBT, I bet that would be great. That's one thing Kaiser did for me at one time, and I was able to get 12 consecutive weeks of CBT one year. It really helped me.

I can also relate to not wanting to be alone with myself. I keep working on it. Meditation helps, but a lot of the time, I find myself scraping my brains out for various means of escape. It seems strange that the therapist doesn't seem to understand this...

 

[foghlaim]

Well done Nancy!!! you did it!!! Proud of you and like TL says give yourself a hand,, over here, tis a pat on the back.. same difference.. do both lol.

I can't really add anything to what the others have said...
except repeat what TL said, keep on at her about the refferral for CBT
(and maybe group therapy if you think you can handle it.)

it may not feel like it but you did a helluva lot better than you thought you'd do..
and like TL said

the CBT therapist can find someone else to prescribe medications if he/she feels they're needed.

if your therapist decides not to continue seeing you..as matter of fact it seems from your post above that she would be no great loss, provided you get the refferral to other therapist first.

Hopefully Dr. B can give u some feedback on whomever is on the list.

way to go Nancy.
you did brill!!

nsa

 

[Peanut]

Hey Nancy, I guess I pretty much wanted to echo what the others have said. You did a great job doing your part!

She thought that they were very general and as she said she wondered if a life coach could help with these as they are very general overall things. A Life Coach??? I thought to myself is she serious?

That seems like a really odd suggestion to me. I could see maybe for some of the things on your list, but I think a couple of them (like not wanting to live and SI for example) are definitely beyond the scope of a life coach! Why wouldn't she suggest a psychologist for therapy?! I actually hadn't realized that you were only seeing her once a month...it sounds like there is no way around the fact that you need a different therapist (or a therapist at all).

One thing I was confused by is her saying these are general things...does she have any more specific goals in mind that you know of? Because I thought that was part of the problem is that you wanted to know what specifically you could do and she wasn't giving you much help in that regard

Well at any rate I'm glad that you are looking into finding a therapist. I also agree that you shouldn't have to wait a month for these referrals (do you think she's really a good person to get them from??).

Anyway, Nancy, you should be proud of yourself for trying so hard and doing so well yesterday by telling her your goals and concerns. It would be great if you could find a therapist that would put some effort into helping you too so you won't have to do it all yourself!

 

[Halo]

Thank you to all of you for your support. I truly do appreciate it. I am really trying not to be hard on myself and take credit where credit is due. I know that I have done a good thing to speak up for what I need and want in therapy but I just feel so good about it.

I agree that I probably do need more than what my therapist is giving me but you had a good idea ThatLady, to call her say next week and find out if she has gotten a referral for me. I never even thought of that. I would have just waited until next month when I saw her and even then I probably would have been so nervous I wouldn't have asked.

Toeless when she brought up the thought of a life coach it kind of floored me also. I agree with you that yes some of the things that I need to deal with could be handled by a life coach but the feeling of wanting to die and SI all the time is definitely not within their scope of abilities. After she mentioned the Life Coach and I gave this weird look to her, she then brought up a psychologist for CBT. You also bring up another good point Toeless,

do you think she's really a good person to get them from??).

I really don't know. I am trying with the help of Dr. B. to find out as much as I can and determine the right person to go to. Thank G for him helping me or I would feel completely lost right now. **thanks Dr. B.**

Anyway, I have so much more that I want to say but I should probably get some work done today.

Talk to you all later, and again thank you from the bottom of my heart. You are all like family.

Nancy

 

[foghlaim]

Hi Nancy, just thought i'd let you know that i too will be printing off the list of goals\fantasies i made, and even adding to it, and bringing it to my apt on Tues.
i have faith in my therapist to see and help me do the things i need to do. even thought the thoughts of psychotherapy frighten the daylights out of me. the CBT doens't frighten me as much, not sure why.

I really hope that you find the right therapist to help you achieve your goals.

nsa

 

[Peanut]

After she mentioned the Life Coach and I gave this weird look to her, she then brought up a psychologist for CBT

Good--she deserved a weird look. That is such a bizarre suggestion. It seems like you know more about the mental health field than she does.

I am trying with the help of Dr. B. to find out as much as I can and determine the right person to go to. Thank G for him helping me or I would feel completely lost right now. **thanks Dr. B.**

Be careful Nancy his ego might get out of control and then we will have an ego maniac for a forum administrator and that would be scary

Talk to you all later, and again thank you from the bottom of my heart. You are all like family

You are like famly too Nancy and we're really proud of you!

Hi Nancy, just thought i'd let you know that i too will be printing off the list of goals\fantasies i made, and even adding to it, and bringing it to my apt on Tues.

That is really good...it seems like this great thread that you made really helped in a lot of ways! BTW I love the term you used "goals/fantasies"

even thought the thoughts of psychotherapy frighten the daylights out of me. the CBT doens't frighten me as much, not sure why.

What's the difference? I thought CBT was an approach of psychotherapy?

 

[foghlaim]

thanks Toeless...
what's the difference?? maybe Dr. B can exlpain it way better than i can, i have limited understanding of it myself.

nsa

 

[David Baxter PhD]

CBT is indeed a type of therapy. Sometimes, it's used on it's own. More often it's combined with other strategies or approaches.

 

[foghlaim]

thanks Dr.B.

 

[foghlaim]

just wondering how ppl are doing in regard to this thread... for myself.. my list was..

to not want out of this world,
to be able to go where i want and not fear, crowds, spaces etc.
to be able to drive again
to not want to si all the time
to not have\feel depression
to get off these meds.
and to get the right therapy\therapist to help me find me.

that was 2 mths ago??? and not much has changed really..

to be able to drive again.. done.. for own use only.. still something i supose.
to get off these meds... work in progress..

the rest just not happening...

 

[Into The Light]

hi nsa i think key to reaching your goals would be the right therapist for you and following your doctors' advice on your medication. they can help you achieve the rest. what kind of challenges are you facing with regards to the therapist?

 

[David Baxter PhD]

the rest just not happening...

Since you insist on ignoring your doctor's advice by terminating your medications prematurely, that shouldn't surprise anyone, nsa. To get to where you want to be requires patience, faith, persistence, and "collaborative medicine/therapy". To be blunt, a relapse is inevitable, in my opinion.

 

[foghlaim]

okay i guess i deserved that!! thanks...

and i guess it's obvious that these don't exist either..

To get to where you want to be requires patience, faith, persistence, and "collaborative medicine/therapy".

maybe when i have all of the above things maybe diff.. but i don't and it's not.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I didn't mean my comment as a crack, nsa, but rather as a caution or warning.

maybe when i have all of the above things maybe diff.. but i don't and it's not.

Then instead of cutting your medication, work on putting those things in place. That's what your doctors and therapists are there for. But if you don't tell them what you need, they won't know what to offer you. Therapy is not something you GET - it's something you DO.

 

[foghlaim]

I took it as a caution and warning.. david.
i can't put in place what's not there at least in regards to therapy.. they do know what need and they agree with me.. but don't have a therapist for a long long while. My g.p. only rewrites the psychs script.. so that i can get whatever free. there ends her input.

as for the rest.. i guess I have lost them.. (the quote above).
no doubt i will find them again.. so i'll wait.. i think!