Goals in Therapy

[David Baxter PhD]

How long is "a long long while", nsa?

In the meantime, please take whatever you can from the support that is here for you...

 

[foghlaim]

sometime later next year.. the list is "miles and miles" long. the psych actually said that.

guess i've hit one of the bumps.... "this too shall pass"

and i do and will continue to receive wonderful support here.. that is something i'm not about to change!.

thanks David.

 

[^^Phoenix^^]

nsa - are there others psychs you can see that would be able to see you sooner? Or are you waiting on this one in particular.

 

[foghlaim]

hi phoenix... don't actually have a choice but to wait... there are plenty of psychs around but cost a lot... this guy is free.. and i've heard only good things about him.

nsa

 

[^^Phoenix^^]

Yeah, the cost is always a tuff one. :frown:

 

[Halo]

I know about cost. I use to see a psychiatrist which was covered by the government and this is the first time that I have seen a psychologist where I have to pay. I do have insurance but I have now used up all that and am now paying out of pocket for my therapy but to be honest I think that it is the best thing in the world right now (the therapy) and therefore even if I had to get a third job to cover it I would.

Although I have to admit that my psych has told me that we can always discuss fees down the road if it becomes an issue (lucky lady I am).

NSA, I can understand the frustration with having to wait but if knowing that he is free and is suppose to be good that is a great thought to hold onto. Just remember that you have all of us to help support you.

 

[stargazer]

Hi Everybody. I haven't read every post in this thread, but am posting here to try and sort through my goals as I approach my upcoming initial therapy appointment on Tuesday. It will be a two hour appointment, as the first appointment is always longer.

I imagine I ought to be quite honest from the start. And I think I want to start by saying that it all started when my Mom died, and my behavior thereafter changed somewhat radically, unbeknownst to me. It was shortly after Mom's death in October 2003 that I was first diagnosed bipolar.

My best friend and my sister have told me that I was more dependent on my Mom than she cared to let me know. I was on my own at the time and making a decent income, about $50,000 USD annually. I sent her money every month, and called her frequently, usually several times a day. My best friend recently told me that Mom had a way of steering me clear of making certain unreasonable decisions I might otherwise have made. He has said that he watched her do this often, but that I was unaware of it.

It might be that this is why, shortly after she died, I began to make unreasonable decisions, and I eventually lost all my work, and my place of residence, car, possessions, and so forth. I remember thinking that "God" was taking care of me, and that therefore, it did not matter what I did.

I think that's the first thing I'm going to tell the therapist. And the second thing is that, throughout the past three years, I've basically been telling all my friends and family that "if only" I still had a car, and other life amenities, I would still be successful in my chosen profession, and that all my problems have basically been the result of lack of opportunity and of life-conveniences such as automobiles.

This is a fallacy, but I have only recently learned this. And I have been constantly angry at all my friends and family, for not seeming to understand, when in reality, it was I who did not understand.

Oh well. I guess this is another long post. I'm a little nervous today, but these are what's on my mind as far as meeting the therapist for the first time. Any advice will be welcome.

 

[texasgirl]

As a relatively new person here, I can only say that everyone's honesty and advice is a newfound lifeline to me, and appears to be to each other too. In fact, if I had to pick one attribute for everyone, is that everyone here is courageous - courageous in the face of sometimes many years of very real pain and difficulty. And having the ability to be completely open is rare, so I keep coming back both to listen and to try to offer support if I can, even though I am somewhat shy about doing so, not thinking that much of what I have to say is as helpful as it could be.

This said, although there have been many posts in this thread, I was taken with what Dr. B said about therapy being something that you do, not get. I have been in many hospitals off and on, and the "therapy" that I have gotten has been largely medication management. I am in "real" therapy for the first time and frankly didn't even know what to say except what was going on with me. All of your frankness - each of you - has helped me to understand it as a process, one which is largely dependent on what I put into it. I don't want to be scared of the process either, but I think it's really that I am scared of the pain of processing. And of going back into the empty blackness of psychosis.

On group therapy, when I was in the hospital once there was a group that was for women only, although only for 2 weeks. It was good to be able to have other women face to face telling their stories, and even though I was pretty much out of it, I do recall feeling some connection.

Sorry for going on and on, but I just wanted to say that I admire you all. I also wanted to say that now I am back taking medication, I do see that I am able to keep sentences going that are coherent, and hope that I don't get to the place again where I think that medicine is not worth taking.

Take care everyone.

 

[Into The Light]

hi stargazer, i think everything you wrote about in your post are good things to tell your therapist. also i think the first time you meet with him/her, they will initially be taking your history. i know the first 2 hours of my time with my therapist was him asking me basic questions. he had a fixed list of things he asks all of his clients, it's to help him get a basic idea of who you are and why you are there to see him. don't expect to delve into deep issues just yet (although you might in your case, who knows). but if you do get past the basics then what you have written here would be a good starting point.

i was very nervous the first time i went because i had no idea what to expect, what it would be like, and if he would even be able to help. i didn't know what was wrong with me. so looking back i woud tell anyone that therapists may be able to help in ways you'd never expect, no matter how strongly you believe there is no point, how could talking help, there isn't really anything wrong with me, he's going to wonder why i am there, etc.

so try not to be too nervous, and also, once it's over, you'll hopefully feel pretty good about it all. i know i did. i am glad that i took the plunge and went despite my apprehension.

 

[Into The Light]

This said, although there have been many posts in this thread, I was taken with what Dr. B said about therapy being something that you do, not get. I have been in many hospitals off and on, and the "therapy" that I have gotten has been largely medication management. I am in "real" therapy for the first time and frankly didn't even know what to say except what was going on with me. All of your frankness - each of you - has helped me to understand it as a process, one which is largely dependent on what I put into it. I don't want to be scared of the process either, but I think it's really that I am scared of the pain of processing. And of going back into the empty blackness of psychosis.

hi texasgirl, the thing about therapy being something that you do struck me as well. before i went i had no idea what it was about. this forum has helped me understand it better and helped me realize that i need to do most of the work. the therapist is there to guide us but in the end we need to make the necessary changes ourselves.

also i can really relate to the fear of the pain of processing, i think we all can. i think that is something we all struggle with and it's hard, but again this forum shows that this is what we need to do in order to heal. this forum has been great in supporting one another when we face struggles in our therapy. i think its helped me understand my therapy better and what i need to do to change. it might have taken longer to figure out on my own without the feedback i've gotten here.

thanks for your thoughts. we are glad to have you here texasgirl

 

[texasgirl]

Thanks, BBC! I am glad to be here too. Your posts are really thoughtful and caring. I do use this help, not only in therapy but in everyday living too.

 

[stargazer]

i think the first time you meet with him/her, they will initially be taking your history. i know the first 2 hours of my time with my therapist was him asking me basic questions. he had a fixed list of things he asks all of his clients, it's to help him get a basic idea of who you are and why you are there to see him.

Hi baseballcap--it is always good to hear from you. About the first therapy appointment, I must admit I will probably be frustrated if I feel as though the therapist is asking me a bunch of questions about my history, and I'm not getting the chance to volunteer information I've been dying to tell a therpaist for almost three years now.

In fact, I think this is why early attempts at grief counseling after Mom died always ended in my own frustration. The counselor always seemed to have his or her own agenda, and I felt as though I never got a word in edgewise. So I certainly hope it's not as you describe! That would be a long and painful two hours, for me.

if you do get past the basics then what you have written here would be a good starting point.

That's good to know, and I certainly hope we do get past the basics.

try not to be too nervous, and also, once it's over, you'll hopefully feel pretty good about it all. i know i did. i am glad that i took the plunge and went despite my apprehension.

I've certainly been quite nervous already, but have since been wondering if more of what I might feel is frustration. If it's going on like: "any history of drug abuse or alcoholism in your family? any physical or sexual abuse?" etc. etc., knowing me I'd probably feel so frustrated it would be hard not to just up and leave.

Maybe there's a gentle way I can say, "well, no, there was no sexual abuse in my family, I used drugs experimentally in the 70's in college; but there really are some things I've been dying to tell someone for three years now, and please give me that chance this morning."

Perhaps I'm being impatient or unrealistic. And then again, the experience may not be such as has been envisioned here.

 

[Into The Light]

hi stargazer, i expect that more than likely it will just be a basics session (unless dr. baxter here can tell us otherwise). the therapist does not know who you are or your history. the first hour at the very least is required to get to know the basics about you. i realize that now that you are ready to enter therapy you want to get to the real issues right away, but that just might not be possible. i know i was quite impatient that i had to wait until my 3rd session before we really started to discuss things (i had 2 sessions of 1 hour for him to collect my background info). and even after the 3rd session i still was impatient to see him again because i felt we had covered so little. just make your answers quick and to the point for the basics (i tended initially to volunteer too much info in my answers). please be patient when you are there and don't leave out of frustration. therapy can't be rushed unfortunately and he really needs to make an initial assessment first to get an inkling of who you are and what you are struggling with.

i hope this doesn't discourage you but rather prepares you so that you won't leave disappointed and frustrated on tuesday.

 

[stargazer]

hi stargazer, i expect that more than likely it will just be a basics session (unless dr. baxter here can tell us otherwise).

I think Dr. Baxter is snowed under these days--he mentioned in an earlier post being very busy, and I haven't been expecting to hear from him too soon.

the therapist does not know who you are or your history. the first hour at the very least is required to get to know the basics about you. i realize that now that you are ready to enter therapy you want to get to the real issues right away, but that just might not be possible.

Well, I understand that, but isn't there a way that she can learn about me by simply listening to what I have to say, and then maybe asking whatever key questions her training suggests she ask? A friend of mine talked with me yesterday about her first therapy appointment, and she said that all she did was ramble for about a half hour before the therapist said anything at all.

So I don't want to go in there with the expectation either that I'm not going to get a word in edgewise, or that the therapist is going to let me ramble aimlessly. It seems to make more sense if I clear my head of any real expectation, but just go in there with an open mind.

i had 2 sessions of 1 hour for him to collect my background info.

I know I'm probably sounding really ornery here, but I'd also be fairly intimidated to offer a whole lot of "background info" to someone I don't even know that well. I remember at Kaiser their responses were often very extreme toward single events that most people would chalk up to experience and overlook. After a while, I felt as though I couldn't always be honest with them, because things would get blown entirely out of proportion, and become worse than they were before I even went in there to begin with.

That said, I did personally like my Kaiser therapist, and I enjoyed his sense of humor, and our often joking around about various irrelevant subjects. He usually scheduled me at 9am on Monday just to start his week off on a cheery note.

just make your answers quick and to the point for the basics (i tended initially to volunteer too much info in my answers)....i hope this doesn't discourage you but rather prepares you so that you won't leave disappointed and frustrated on tuesday.

Good idea to keep my answers quick. I, too, would have a tendency to volunteer too much information too fast, and that might take things off track. No, I'm not discouraged, but I am wondering if maybe I ought instead to clear my mind of any expectations and preconceptions, perhaps through meditation between now and Tuesday, rather than go in with any kind of prepared notion, that could possibly not even turn out to be the case.

I guess what I'm saying is, your points are well-taken, but they're somehow having the effect of getting me to expect the worse.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I am busy, that's true, but I'm still here and still reading, and I think what the others are saying here is correct.

Each therapist is likely to have an individual style. Some keep it no matter who the client is; others adapt their approach to the client. I generally try to be in the latter category: I usually start with a general question about how I can help or "what brings you here today" and then let the client go wherever s/he needs to. However, sometimes that can get confusing and then I might start asking more specific or pointed questions to clarify the issues.

I guess what I'm saying is you may need to go in with an open mind and let the therapist set the pace initially at least, if s/he so decides. After all, think of this as an expert you're consulting. If I go to a mechanic, I tell him what's wrong and take his advice as to how to fix it - I don't try to tell him how to do his job. If I felt that were something that I needed to do, frankly I'd probably go to a different mechanic, one that I felt I could trust.

 

[stargazer]

Just writing to let you know I've received but not yet read your replies. I just lost about three hours worth of work by saving the wrong file. I can probably re-construct it from memory but only after a nap. I've been broke and haven't eaten all day, so I'm going to go to sleep now. There might be some food at home & I'll read the posts when I'm a little clearer in the head, and not so annoyed over losing all the work (it was a five-part choral arrangement.)

 

[Into The Light]

hi sg, just to respond to your previous feedback, i don't want you to "prepare for the worst", i certainly do not want you going in there thinking it is going to be a bad experience. you are right when you say you need to have an open mind, and this is what i was trying to convey. also please bear in mind i can only tell you about my experience, which isn't much. i've got just the one therapist i have been seeing.

isn't there a way that she can learn about me by simply listening to what I have to say, and then maybe asking whatever key questions her training suggests she ask?

i think this is part of the "what brings you here today" question - it gives you a chance to explain and based on that more key questions will indeed be asked.

No, I'm not discouraged, but I am wondering if maybe I ought instead to clear my mind of any expectations and preconceptions, perhaps through meditation between now and Tuesday, rather than go in with any kind of prepared notion, that could possibly not even turn out to be the case.

i think this is a good idea. i often find that things rarely turn out the way i expect. no matter how many scenarios i come up with in my mind when i am anxious about a situation, it still turns out differently and in a way i didn't think of.

i am sorry you lost your work. i hope your rest will help clear your mind and that you can recover it from memory without too much trouble.

 

[stargazer]

Sorry about the delay in response. I was momentarily annoyed after losing my work, then decided I had to leave the Wi-Fi cafe, as I was only having water there anyway. As an aside, I've never done too well with three-day weekends (it's Labor Day weekend in the States) -- I can't just hop into the library & use the Wireless for free, for example. I have to either buy coffee at a cafe, which today I could not afford, or sort of be a jerk about it and promise them I'm eventually good for the money--a dubious promise at best.

Anyway, we all had lunch at home, and I was able to re-arrange the piece, remembering most of what I'd done earlier. I've since remembered that the Wi-Fi is still active outside the library, even though the library's closed for the holiday weekend. So as long as my battery lasts here, I'm good.

Very pleasant evening, as well.

Okay, about the therapy, I would hope that she turns out to be more in the manner you describe, David. I've been in so many situations where I feel subjected to someone's agenda, and in those situations, I tend to feel invalidated, as though they're not really perceiving me as who I am today in the here and now, but only putting me in some kind of box, possibly based on something that happened in childhood, or early adult-hood, or whenever. That's why I tend to react negatively when I hear about "background checks." I know my background is important, but I just think it's more important what's going on with me today. After all, today is when I'm seeking help, for today's issues.

The "in-depth" stuff that baseballcap was talking about isn't really what I'm after. I just want to be heard, that's all. I'm sure that plenty of the "in-depth" stuff has to do with my childhood, my marriage, my attitudes toward people, authorities, and whatever and whoever. All I'm saying is I hope I get a chance to say what's on my mind, what I've been dying to talk about.

But as baseballcap said, if it doesn't work out that way, I'll try and be patient, and not get frustrated. And I have a feeling it will all be good. I'm not really *that* impatient a person. I'm just happy the therapy is finally happening, after all these hoops and detours and what-not.

David Baxter wrote: "I guess what I'm saying is you may need to go in with an open mind and let the therapist set the pace initially at least, if s/he so decides. After all, think of this as an expert you're consulting. If I go to a mechanic, I tell him what's wrong and take his advice as to how to fix it - I don't try to tell him how to do his job. If I felt that were something that I needed to do, frankly I'd probably go to a different mechanic, one that I felt I could trust."

I think I can do that. I didn't mean to suggest I was planning to go in and try to take charge of the situation. I'll answer her questions--I guess I was basically just reacting to an expression resembling "background check." Kind of reminds me of what I have to go through when I apply to work for a school system, and their trying to weed out predators and drug dealers.

Anyway, thanks for replying.

 

[stargazer]

i often find that things rarely turn out the way i expect. no matter how many scenarios i come up with in my mind when i am anxious about a situation, it still turns out differently and in a way i didn't think of. i am sorry you lost your work. i hope your rest will help clear your mind and that you can recover it from memory without too much trouble.

I've had the same experience--things rarely turn out as I expect, especially new and different things for which I have no clear notion, such as this therapy session. So I guess there's no point in expecting too much...and I hear you. I felt a little bad about suggesting I was being "prepared for the worst" as I knew that wasn't your intention. You were just sharing your experience.

I was able to re-create my work, so it's all good now. God was probably on my case for working on Sunday to begin with. :yuk:

 

[Into The Light]

I know my background is important, but I just think it's more important what's going on with me today. After all, today is when I'm seeking help, for today's issues.

this is my understanding of what therapy is supposed to do. my therapist focuses on the current issues i am struggling with. for the background info, that was purely very simple stuff, like what i did for a living, if i was married, if i had kids, etc. etc. just to paint a basic picture. i highly doubt that you're going to be delving into past issues rather than what's bothering your today.

glad to hear you got your work figured out. i too know the frustration of losing hours of work because of a mistake on the computer.