Hi, I have never ever done anything like this before. I have my private physcologist (my wonderful son) but he recommended I took the plunge and went on this site. He is my best friend as well as my son. I was widowed 13 years ago when my son was 13 and I have never lost anyone close. My mother, grandmother and father were still alive at that time (my father still is!). So it was a blow and I initially took it out on my son. We however became very close. This is nothing to do about what is to follow, just had to say that...
Some four years ago a young girl (who I will call Elizabeth joined the firm I was working for. She is a lot younger than I am, but I took her under my wing and treated her like the daughter I never had, helping her financially until she got on her feet, which she never did. I gave her a key to the house as sometimes she finished work before me and could let herself in. She often spoke about her friend, who I will call Christine, and as time went by I met her too. They had been firm friends for years. The three of us used to meet at my house or go out, I was the mum and we had lots of laughs. Christine was of another nationality so didn't get the jokes between Jacqueline and I (English speaking). I liked Christine a lot, she was a single mum with two daughters, each with different dads, but she was hardworking and clearly devoted to her girls. Stupidly (I guess a throw back from my childhood when we never had money let along enough to eat) I saved money in the house in a bible my husband used to read before he died. Elizabeth knew where this was as, if she asked for a loan, I would just tell her to take it. I was aware on occasions that money was going missing, but refused to believe that Elizabeth would stoop that low and just thought I had miscounted it. Then on weekend, two years ago I went to put money in the bible and it was missing, the whole thing. As I tended to move it around, I thought I had mislaid it and kept on looking, it never entered my head it had been stole. I called Elizabeth on several occasions telling her it was missing and she would say "what are you like, it will turn up". This went on for more than a week, then I ran into Christine and mentioned it to her. She told me she was free from work the next day and that she would search for it. She could see the state I was in, there was more than £2,000 in it. Christine called me at work the next day and said it wasn't in the house and she had called the police. When I got home the police said it was someone I knew and asked who had keys to the house. When the police left Christine started crying and saying she hoped I didn't think it was her. That had never entered my mind, but neither of us spoke about what we both knew, now, to be true. I was unaware at that time that Elizabeth had been stealing from the company where we worked and had been misusing credit cards at other times. Obviously Christine confronted Elizabeth but she denied it. A few evenings later Elizabeth turned up on my doorstep and said she had a thought that the bible might be in some new bins which had been put around the area for bottles and paper. She went to look and came bath with the bible, no money. I told her she should ring Christine, but Christine refused to listen to her, so Elizabeth took my car and drove there but Christine had locked her out. She came back, but in the meantime I went to bed (I had had a few glasses of wine) and I heard her come up the stairs and she was standing in the doorway saying "how could you think I would take your money?". I pretended to be asleep, the next morning she came up and I asked her to talk to me, she admitted taking the money and she had done it from pride. I told her I would have given it to her but she said she already owed me too much. Then she said "I have lost Christine". I told her of course she hadn't as they had been friends for so long and they would work it out. She commented "you wouldn't understand".
From then, Christine visited me, we both cried and I felt so sorry for her. We became closer from it and she is a really nice person. I reverted my help to her and, because of the children, helped her financially and with clothing and food for the children. She was always grateful at the start and said noone had ever treated her like that. I really loved that girl. We spoke about Elizabeth very little, Christine obviously didn't want to bring it up. I was shattered from all of it and refused to report her to the police, she could easily have been sent back to her own country. That was against the advice of my son but he said it was my decision. Christine was glad I didn't too. I went to see Elizabeth so that we could talk about it, but had never really had the chance.
I had suspected for some time when Elizabeth and I were working together that hers and Christine's friendship had more to it, it was just a strong feeling which grew inside of me. I am no good at confronting people so I went away one weekend, wrote a letter to Christine and asked what their relationship was. When I got back there was a letter from her saying how brave I was to have asked her and that she had never thought she would have a woman as her second half. She had not told me because she was afraid of losing my friendship. She told me I had all the time in the world to think of it. Although I partly knew, it still came as a shock. Christine turned up the next day crying and saying she didn't want me to think she was a freak. I wrote reassuring her that to me she was still the same person. Our relationship changed from then, she was relieved obviously. But I felt cheated that she hadn't told me because she was a constant reminder of Elizabeth's actions and I wished I had ended the friendship before I got close to her. I had told her all my deep secrets that even my son didn't know (he does now) thinking that she would open up. I am really sorry I asked.
I had always asked if Elizabeth was OK with the friendship between her and I, she always evaded the question. I felt she wold be better off without me in her life, I cannot visit her because Elizabeth would be there,so it isn't like a spouse having friends. I told her all this in my letter and she replied that it seemed I didn't want her in my life, and she would have to tell the children the reason. Her children adore me, they come with their mum once a week to eat and go back loaded with stuff for their pantry. That isn't the issue but I have been feeling I am being taken advantage of, I haven't told her that. When I received her reply I broke down. She wants the friends between her and I which we have built up over the two years since it happened and she said she has spoken to Elizabeth who, she says, wants us to have a happy friendship which she doesn't want to be part of, and Christine doesn't want us to mention the subject of Elizabeth stealing from me. It seems Christine sent Elizabeth back to her own country for counselling and it seems to have worked. They are not going to live with each other until the children leave home, as Christine said, she doesn't want them teased at school, yet she was prepared to tell them if I gave up the friendship....
They have just come back from a weekend where they had a great time, walking along the beach and shopping,if she didn't tell me all this I would be fine, but I don't like it being rubbed into my nose. Don't ask me to confront her, I tried in writing. She is quite happy and said if I want to stay in this friendship I have to think 10 years ahead, the last train stop is here. Christine has just set up a little business and I gave her some money to invest in it. It is going slowly and I don't know if it will work for her, I hope so because she has sunk all her boats. Elizabeth is now working and lives next door in the same apartment block.
Well, phew, what an admission, but all this is real and I am so confused. It doesn't help I have holidays at the moment and my husband is all around in this house. I miss him dreadfully. Christine told me that she and Elizabeth had a love like my husband and I had, excuse me neither of them met him.
So, what can I do? Any advice out there will be taken seriously, I need it now!
Thank you so much for your 'ears'
Some four years ago a young girl (who I will call Elizabeth joined the firm I was working for. She is a lot younger than I am, but I took her under my wing and treated her like the daughter I never had, helping her financially until she got on her feet, which she never did. I gave her a key to the house as sometimes she finished work before me and could let herself in. She often spoke about her friend, who I will call Christine, and as time went by I met her too. They had been firm friends for years. The three of us used to meet at my house or go out, I was the mum and we had lots of laughs. Christine was of another nationality so didn't get the jokes between Jacqueline and I (English speaking). I liked Christine a lot, she was a single mum with two daughters, each with different dads, but she was hardworking and clearly devoted to her girls. Stupidly (I guess a throw back from my childhood when we never had money let along enough to eat) I saved money in the house in a bible my husband used to read before he died. Elizabeth knew where this was as, if she asked for a loan, I would just tell her to take it. I was aware on occasions that money was going missing, but refused to believe that Elizabeth would stoop that low and just thought I had miscounted it. Then on weekend, two years ago I went to put money in the bible and it was missing, the whole thing. As I tended to move it around, I thought I had mislaid it and kept on looking, it never entered my head it had been stole. I called Elizabeth on several occasions telling her it was missing and she would say "what are you like, it will turn up". This went on for more than a week, then I ran into Christine and mentioned it to her. She told me she was free from work the next day and that she would search for it. She could see the state I was in, there was more than £2,000 in it. Christine called me at work the next day and said it wasn't in the house and she had called the police. When I got home the police said it was someone I knew and asked who had keys to the house. When the police left Christine started crying and saying she hoped I didn't think it was her. That had never entered my mind, but neither of us spoke about what we both knew, now, to be true. I was unaware at that time that Elizabeth had been stealing from the company where we worked and had been misusing credit cards at other times. Obviously Christine confronted Elizabeth but she denied it. A few evenings later Elizabeth turned up on my doorstep and said she had a thought that the bible might be in some new bins which had been put around the area for bottles and paper. She went to look and came bath with the bible, no money. I told her she should ring Christine, but Christine refused to listen to her, so Elizabeth took my car and drove there but Christine had locked her out. She came back, but in the meantime I went to bed (I had had a few glasses of wine) and I heard her come up the stairs and she was standing in the doorway saying "how could you think I would take your money?". I pretended to be asleep, the next morning she came up and I asked her to talk to me, she admitted taking the money and she had done it from pride. I told her I would have given it to her but she said she already owed me too much. Then she said "I have lost Christine". I told her of course she hadn't as they had been friends for so long and they would work it out. She commented "you wouldn't understand".
From then, Christine visited me, we both cried and I felt so sorry for her. We became closer from it and she is a really nice person. I reverted my help to her and, because of the children, helped her financially and with clothing and food for the children. She was always grateful at the start and said noone had ever treated her like that. I really loved that girl. We spoke about Elizabeth very little, Christine obviously didn't want to bring it up. I was shattered from all of it and refused to report her to the police, she could easily have been sent back to her own country. That was against the advice of my son but he said it was my decision. Christine was glad I didn't too. I went to see Elizabeth so that we could talk about it, but had never really had the chance.
I had suspected for some time when Elizabeth and I were working together that hers and Christine's friendship had more to it, it was just a strong feeling which grew inside of me. I am no good at confronting people so I went away one weekend, wrote a letter to Christine and asked what their relationship was. When I got back there was a letter from her saying how brave I was to have asked her and that she had never thought she would have a woman as her second half. She had not told me because she was afraid of losing my friendship. She told me I had all the time in the world to think of it. Although I partly knew, it still came as a shock. Christine turned up the next day crying and saying she didn't want me to think she was a freak. I wrote reassuring her that to me she was still the same person. Our relationship changed from then, she was relieved obviously. But I felt cheated that she hadn't told me because she was a constant reminder of Elizabeth's actions and I wished I had ended the friendship before I got close to her. I had told her all my deep secrets that even my son didn't know (he does now) thinking that she would open up. I am really sorry I asked.
I had always asked if Elizabeth was OK with the friendship between her and I, she always evaded the question. I felt she wold be better off without me in her life, I cannot visit her because Elizabeth would be there,so it isn't like a spouse having friends. I told her all this in my letter and she replied that it seemed I didn't want her in my life, and she would have to tell the children the reason. Her children adore me, they come with their mum once a week to eat and go back loaded with stuff for their pantry. That isn't the issue but I have been feeling I am being taken advantage of, I haven't told her that. When I received her reply I broke down. She wants the friends between her and I which we have built up over the two years since it happened and she said she has spoken to Elizabeth who, she says, wants us to have a happy friendship which she doesn't want to be part of, and Christine doesn't want us to mention the subject of Elizabeth stealing from me. It seems Christine sent Elizabeth back to her own country for counselling and it seems to have worked. They are not going to live with each other until the children leave home, as Christine said, she doesn't want them teased at school, yet she was prepared to tell them if I gave up the friendship....
They have just come back from a weekend where they had a great time, walking along the beach and shopping,if she didn't tell me all this I would be fine, but I don't like it being rubbed into my nose. Don't ask me to confront her, I tried in writing. She is quite happy and said if I want to stay in this friendship I have to think 10 years ahead, the last train stop is here. Christine has just set up a little business and I gave her some money to invest in it. It is going slowly and I don't know if it will work for her, I hope so because she has sunk all her boats. Elizabeth is now working and lives next door in the same apartment block.
Well, phew, what an admission, but all this is real and I am so confused. It doesn't help I have holidays at the moment and my husband is all around in this house. I miss him dreadfully. Christine told me that she and Elizabeth had a love like my husband and I had, excuse me neither of them met him.
So, what can I do? Any advice out there will be taken seriously, I need it now!
Thank you so much for your 'ears'
