Ashley-Kate
MVP
Hello,
I have spent most of my life trying to forget the past trying to not go back to who i was back then. I would refuse to look at pictures and even go back to the place i was a child, a place i moved from when i was a lot younger. Recently as i was visiting with family we decided to go back there just to go visit the rest of my family that i had left years ago.
I was terrified at first having to go back there but calmed myself down with the fact that well it was just some city nothing more. Then when we went to the places the events of my childhood occurred, I freaked but then in an instant i felt come kind of security, something in me was telling me that i am no longer the same person i was when i was a child. I felt able to look around. I was in control and had one thing that at that time i didn't have freedom. I came to realize that i spent so many years frustrated with the girl i was to then at that moment realize i was just a little girl. I spent time looking at pictures of me as a child looking at this little girl so small so scared and i could see emptiness in her in me. I was looking at pictures of a girl i spent my life trying to hate, and at that point i realized i could not hate her.
I feel somewhat proud of myself and were i am at right now i didn't expect my visit to have that impact actually i expected quite the opposite. My destructive behaviors have dramatically decreased, yet lately i have been feeling extremly tired and exhausted i guess i can say i have taken in a lot in the last week, but for once in a long time i actually feel like the steps i am making at this moment are really solid that they are steps i won't go back and do again.
yours truly
me
I have spent most of my life trying to forget the past trying to not go back to who i was back then. I would refuse to look at pictures and even go back to the place i was a child, a place i moved from when i was a lot younger. Recently as i was visiting with family we decided to go back there just to go visit the rest of my family that i had left years ago.
I was terrified at first having to go back there but calmed myself down with the fact that well it was just some city nothing more. Then when we went to the places the events of my childhood occurred, I freaked but then in an instant i felt come kind of security, something in me was telling me that i am no longer the same person i was when i was a child. I felt able to look around. I was in control and had one thing that at that time i didn't have freedom. I came to realize that i spent so many years frustrated with the girl i was to then at that moment realize i was just a little girl. I spent time looking at pictures of me as a child looking at this little girl so small so scared and i could see emptiness in her in me. I was looking at pictures of a girl i spent my life trying to hate, and at that point i realized i could not hate her.
I feel somewhat proud of myself and were i am at right now i didn't expect my visit to have that impact actually i expected quite the opposite. My destructive behaviors have dramatically decreased, yet lately i have been feeling extremly tired and exhausted i guess i can say i have taken in a lot in the last week, but for once in a long time i actually feel like the steps i am making at this moment are really solid that they are steps i won't go back and do again.
yours truly
me
