Going back

[Ashley-Kate]

well i am starting some sort of therapie with my psychologist that consiste of going back to the periode in tie were i was abused and explaining out loud what happened to her trying to make it less of a traumatic event i guess btu to say the truth i donT' really get the point ! i am scared to death to actualy talk aboutit to say the least i can't even bare inflicting my past upon some inocent bystander i feel awfull like i am some useless human that let a little girl get raped and abused over and over again but the thing is that little girl was me but yet i am afraid that she will judge me consideing my age now and the knowledge i have know and how cruel i was to let her be abused and how stupid i was to not leave to not stop it!
i just don'T know what i should do i feel so dispicable!
yours trully ashley

 

[Cat Dancer]

I know you don't FEEL it, but it wasn't your fault at all. You were just a little girl who was helpless and innocent. I know it feels like you caused it or something like that, but you DID NOT. It is the abuser's fault, totally. Not your fault.

Your therapist isn't going to blame you for it. She's not going to think any less of you. She will be able to help you learn to deal with the abuse and the effects it is having on you.

 

[Ashley-Kate]

thanks janet! i was really looking for someone to knock some sence in me literaly cause i think in some ways i know that she wouldn't blame me but at the same time i myself blame me for everything so it is hard to see that my vision of those events is not completly true

 

[Jesse910]

I'm in the same scenario. At times, I wish that I could just erase it from my mind and pretend like it never occurred. I do a mean dance every time my therapist brings it up too. What I've been told is that the adult me can now protect the child and fight her battles. I haven't gotten the nerve up yet to do that completely. Best wishes to you.