More threads by Zippy


Hi, I'm just writing here for any input. I'm a 23 year old guy and I've never kissed a girl. For some reason, getting close to women frightens me, even though I am 100% heterosexual. I went on only one date in my life, about three years ago, and nothing happened. I just can't even register any affection or feelings of any of that kind. There's always this voice in my head (I don't hear it, it's just a conscience or something) telling me how idiotic I am and stuff, and how the girls think I'm a perverted weirdo, etc.

So a lot of times, I act really weird, like I'm a cartoon character. I can act in a very nervous, almost hostile manner towards people, but I never threaten or intentionally hurt anyone. Around people, I can't act natural. I have to be very concise with what I say and am very quiet. If I'm around girls this is especially true, as I feel sort of ashamed of myself for being might be because of pornography. Whenever I try to get a girl, I always have backed away right when they wanted to get closer. It always boils down to being afraid of my parents' reactions to anything like this (I never mention anything to them about relationships). I'm also afraid that having a girlfriend would take time out of my work, as this is important to me. I need a job, so I'm working constantly to get a job from home. I'm alone at the computer about 80% of my life, and sometimes I'm depressed but I also am very uncomfortable around people and like avoiding social situations.

On the whole, my life is pretty good as I live in a decent neighborhood, have the money and stuff I need...just no life whatsoever. When I was young, I never had to work or do anything. My mother was very very controlling with me and this might be something. Also, I was born with one testicle which has made me angry my whole life. There were times when I could have gotten an easy woman, but I was afraid of her finding out about this and getting teased, and also that I would be controlled by her. High school was difficult because I'm so short and naturally unathletic. So I've done nothing with anyone...somehow I don't really care that much, so I've decided that I must have Asperger's syndrome.

Anyway, that's just some stuff about me...whatever you want to say, I'm glad to hear it!


I'd agree with David. I'd also like to say that if having only one testicle bothers you, there are remedies for that issue. Talk to you doctor about it. :)


just as a side note, you can't 'decide' that now you have Asperger's even if you see some similarities with it. It's a developmental disorder, if you're interested you can read more here:

your descriptions of being mainly uncomfortable around people & avoiding social situations, not knowing how to act, what to say, etc. falls more in line with what David said.


Thanks for your responses!

The reason I said I think I have aspergers is because I act really really weird, I'm obsessed with cartoons and I have never wanted to interact with people as far as I can remember. I've always just wanted to hide in my own world, away from other people and focusing intently on a task (drawing, animation).

ThatLady: I am aware of surgery and stuff, but this would be embarassing for me. And having lived this far and encountered the fear of being discovered in High school has left me with anxiety that wouldn't just evaporate with this procedure. Besides, its not like a life threatening deal or anything...

One thing I've noticed is that being unpopular and 'weird' has given me a 'perspective' that is helpful for being humorous, which I use in my cartoons. Everyone I've shown my animations to has thought they were extremely funny. I am sort of afraid that if I got popular, I would lose this side of me. It's sort of hard to explain but that's how I feel. But I'm obsessive about this stuff, and I aware it's limiting my life in a way as I almost never get out...

Another thing that scares me is that I would get less accomplished if I got a girlfriend. And, since I don't want children, I wonder if there's any real benefit to relationships. I'm afraid of women controlling me, and ashamed of these feelings as well.

I feel like unless I have a job and earn my own living I am a worthless person. Also, on the only date I was on, I acted very immature to the woman and insulted her, which I am now ashamed of. I think I did this out of anger, or that I felt the date was terrible and everything I did was stupid, etc...these are some other things going on in my head right now...

Anyway, thanks again for replying.
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