Help needed - major drama

[SadGirl]

Ok, long story short:

I liked this guy who had an ex that cut herself and got raped and stuff. Ok, so recently he was talking to her and then I got so mad and jealous that I told her that I know that she cut herself and was raped and was briefly into witchcraft.

Well, she got really emotional and ran away and the guy is SO ticked off at me for telling her that stuff he thinks I am pond scum. So these are the two things I need help with:

1) What the hell should I do now? I was thinking of writing her an apology and then afterward sending him a copy of the apology I wrote and and apologizing to him.

2) I am like so freaked out over myself because does this make me the Queen of pond scum that I would do this? You wanna know the scary thing is I don't even really care that much-am I a psychopath? I mean I am not really hurting that she might be hurting, wow, am I a total whacko?

PLEASE HELP ME NOW!!! I will be sitting by this thread until someone responds to me and I will hold my breath too. *Holds breath* Btw, Im 25 years old, Im not 12 though it may sound like I am...

 

[g-scared]

Re: You Gotta help me RIGHT NOW with this major DRAMA! Help!!!!!!!

I don't think you are pond scum, but to be honest what you did was quite awful, and I think that an apology letter would be appropriate to say the least.

As for the lack of feeling. I think the urgency of your note does exemplify some conscern.

Hmm....

 

[SadGirl]

Re: You Gotta help me RIGHT NOW with this major DRAMA! Help!!!!!!!

Well only because he was screaming my head off, like if not for that i wouldnt give it much thought...

 

[g-scared]

Re: You Gotta help me RIGHT NOW with this major DRAMA! Help!!!!!!!

Maybe it will just take a while for the events to sink in. It might even take years for you to identify with the suffering of the girl you just affected.

I did and said some pretty awful things when I was younger, but it was not until later that I realized how inappropriate it was. It's funny because you mention sounding like a twelve year old. Maybe you are like a fifteen year old trapped in a 25 year old's body. Kind of selfish and immature. You don't sound like you mean to act like this, but maybe some responsibility would change your perspective a little in the future.

Dunno, I'm just kind of making this up as I go.
Best intentions.

 

[Peanut]

1) What the hell should I do now? I was thinking of writing her an apology and then afterward sending him a copy of the apology I wrote and and apologizing to him.

I think that writing her an apology would be a nice thing to do. I do not think that you should send that guy a copy though. The letter should be for the purpose of apologizing for saying these hurtful things to her, not another play for the guy. If you wanted maybe you could write him a separate letter apologizing for betraying his confidence or whatever it is that you are sorry for.

2) I am like so freaked out over myself because does this make me the Queen of pond scum that I would do this? You wanna know the scary thing is I don't even really care that much-am I a psychopath? I mean I am not really hurting that she might be hurting, wow, am I a total whacko?

I don't think this makes you pond scum or a psychopath. We all act like pond scum once in a while and do things that we're not proud of. I think the important thing here is to own your mistake, try to make amends and learn from this experience.

Good luck

 

[ThatLady]

I don't know about writing her a letter of apology; particularly, since you've said here that you don't feel particularly bad about what you did, nor do you worry about what the things you said might have made this girl feel. If that is, indeed, the case...well, any letter of apology would be hypocritical, at best. The only purpose it could serve would be to put you back in the good graces of the boyfriend, which isn't a very high-minded reason for writing a letter of apology, in my opinion.

I don't think you're psychopathic. You may be very self-involved and selfish. I can't know those things, as I don't know you. I only know of this one instance in your life. It might be worthwhile to sit down and indulge in a bit of self-evaluation.

 

[Diana]

Hmmm, I'm not sure. You said that you don't feel so bad, but you do acknowledge that what you did was wrong. I don't think it's fair to say that you are a selfish and immature person. Maybe your actions were inappropriate, but it could be a phase you're going through or the situation just sparked that kind of behaviour in you. I agree with ThatLady that it might be helpful to do some self evaluation. Why did you behave that way? Was it just jealousy, did you feel like this guy hadn't been giving you a lot of attention lately, have you been trying to "get" this guy for a while, was alcohol involved (not that that's an excuse, but it can play a part in that kind of behaviour), was something in your past haunting you, have you been really stressed out lately, etc? G-scared could be right in that it might take some time for what you did to sink in. I think the important thing here is not to dwell on the fact that you did something wrong. I think that could be unproductive. But take this experience as an opportunity to learn something about yourself and why you did this, and then if there's anything you can do to make things better and prevent this kind of behaviour in the future. If you feel the least bit bad, I think a letter of apology would be appropriate. If you still REALLY don't feel bad, then maybe you could write her a letter without even using the exact words "I'm sorry". Maybe state that you know what you did was wrong and that you can relate with how she feels and that - I don't know - you're not going to spread rumours about her and that you wish you could take back what you did. Actually, maybe that's stupid - sorry I'm kind of typing as I'm thinking.
I think this is more important - before you approach the guy in any way, you need to figure out how you really feel and why you did what you did. If your next actions are just simply to get his affection and approval, then that would be selfish. Usually, when I do something that I'm ashamed of, I try to think about why I acted that way, and if I need to make some changes in my life. I don't fly off the handle for no reason. There's always a deeper reason behind it.

 

[fancy792]

1) What the hell should I do now? I was thinking of writing her an apology and then afterward sending him a copy of the apology I wrote and and apologizing to him.

Here's what I have to say. No apology is needed to her or him. Your conversation and your insecurities were with him and not her. You can't know what was or wasn't repeated. In regards to how you felt and your thoughts, I would agree with the people on the board. Find out why and what made you feel the way you did.

I think writing a journal can help you as well as trying to get to the bottom of your emotions.

After all the replies, I hope it helps you and take time to think things over before acting on this.

Take care!