Cat Dancer
MVP
I think it's really brave of you to open up on here. You're reaching out and connecting with people when you do that. Maybe that could be like a first step for you.
- Thread starter moonriver
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Thanks Janet, that is very kind of you, but then I see you are always kind. You are a very special person I think.
On a more positive note, I finally did something positive, I was sick of not being able to swim in the pool when I really wanted to, so I made up my mind I was just going to do it no matter what. I went down and there was a few people there but I went anyway and it was fine, the water was beautiful. I felt a little uneasy but I still enjoyed it, better than sitting in the house by myself feeling bad for not doing the things I want. I am going to try and go again tomorrow.
I wish I understood exactly what it is I am afraid of, but maybe I dont need to, maybe I just need to push on and do the things I want to do.
On a more positive note, I finally did something positive, I was sick of not being able to swim in the pool when I really wanted to, so I made up my mind I was just going to do it no matter what. I went down and there was a few people there but I went anyway and it was fine, the water was beautiful. I felt a little uneasy but I still enjoyed it, better than sitting in the house by myself feeling bad for not doing the things I want. I am going to try and go again tomorrow.
I wish I understood exactly what it is I am afraid of, but maybe I dont need to, maybe I just need to push on and do the things I want to do.
Cat Dancer
MVP
That's wonderful, moonriver. I'm so glad you did that. I'm going to do something like that tomorrow and you're giving me strength and courage.
I think we do sometimes have to just push ourselves to do things we want to do. You deserve to be in that beautiful water as much as anybody. I'm happy for you. Sometimes we have to overcome moments of uncomfortableness to get to moments of happiness. Proud of you.
I think we do sometimes have to just push ourselves to do things we want to do. You deserve to be in that beautiful water as much as anybody. I'm happy for you. Sometimes we have to overcome moments of uncomfortableness to get to moments of happiness. Proud of you.
I hope you had good luck Janet with what you were doing.
I don't know what is wrong with me lately, I am not depressed but I just can't seem to make myself talk or be around anyone. All I do is spend more and more time by myself and the more I try and make progress the harder it seems to be to get these little success stories. I have no idea why I slid backwards, I feel like such a loner. I want to get a volunteer job or something so I am exposed to more people but I can't make myself do that. This forum is the only contact I have with people lately, but I know that isn't enough. Sorry for venting again, I guess I have way too much time to think becaue I am alone all the time. I hate to stop believing there is a better way, but I don't have a clue how to get there.
I don't know what is wrong with me lately, I am not depressed but I just can't seem to make myself talk or be around anyone. All I do is spend more and more time by myself and the more I try and make progress the harder it seems to be to get these little success stories. I have no idea why I slid backwards, I feel like such a loner. I want to get a volunteer job or something so I am exposed to more people but I can't make myself do that. This forum is the only contact I have with people lately, but I know that isn't enough. Sorry for venting again, I guess I have way too much time to think becaue I am alone all the time. I hate to stop believing there is a better way, but I don't have a clue how to get there.
ladylore
Account Closed
What kind of volunteering interests you Moonriver?
Is being the village idiot a volunteer job, because that's what I seem to excel at?
Seriously, I am not sure, I like Habitat for Humanity and I like children. There are alot of good causes but they all involve talking to people, unless I go work in the rain forest with the monkeys or something, even they would get fed up with me.
Seriously, I am not sure, I like Habitat for Humanity and I like children. There are alot of good causes but they all involve talking to people, unless I go work in the rain forest with the monkeys or something, even they would get fed up with me.
ladylore
Account Closed
The reason I am asking is because what your talking about is extremely familiar to me. I live with the same thing. What helps me to get out is get involved with something I am passionate about. Because I feel so passionate some of the anxiety drops.
There is a site called charityvillage.com that you may want to check out. They post jobs but also volunteer positions across Canada. Some of those positions don't require spending too much time with the public.
Hope some of this helps at bit.
There is a site called charityvillage.com that you may want to check out. They post jobs but also volunteer positions across Canada. Some of those positions don't require spending too much time with the public.
Hope some of this helps at bit.
Yes it does actually, and it does help to know that others feel this way and that I am not so alone. I like your idea, I just got this book called, " The Difference a Day Makes, 365 Ways to Change Your World in Just 24 Hours." They have a website too of the benevolent planet.com I think. It is kind of the same thing you are talking about, ways to make a difference in all kinds of ways. I bet if I focused on doing things for others, it might take my mind off my own inward anxiety. I havent read the book yet so I am not sure if it is good or not, but I like the idea that I am not completely useless to society since I dont feel part of it.
ladylore
Account Closed
You most definitely are not useless moonriver.
One other thing I do that helps me at times, is asking myself - If a friend came to me with the same thing, what would I tell my friend? Thinking of it this way allows me to be a heck of alot more empathetic and kinder towards myself.
One other thing I do that helps me at times, is asking myself - If a friend came to me with the same thing, what would I tell my friend? Thinking of it this way allows me to be a heck of alot more empathetic and kinder towards myself.
Thanks for the kind thoughts, sorry to be so needy lately, it's 4:00 in the morning and I can't sleep. I am beginning to think maybe I am depressed, I never sleep anymore and I am panicked talking to anyone. I will take the advice of going back to the therapist before I drive you guys all up the wall
You're not driving us up the wall, Moonriver.
I am proud of you for going swimming even though there were people there. I think the discomfort comes from doing something new and comfort comes with familiarity. That may be one of the things that keeps you hidden at home (comfort) and away from people (intense discomfort + possibly other related issues like rejection)
I like the idea of seeing a therapist about this. He or she may be best able to help you identify and cope with the source of your apprehensions.
Please keep letting us know how you're doing. :hug:
I am proud of you for going swimming even though there were people there. I think the discomfort comes from doing something new and comfort comes with familiarity. That may be one of the things that keeps you hidden at home (comfort) and away from people (intense discomfort + possibly other related issues like rejection)
I like the idea of seeing a therapist about this. He or she may be best able to help you identify and cope with the source of your apprehensions.
Please keep letting us know how you're doing. :hug:
Into The Light
MVP
you're not driving us up the wall. you're probably feeling like you're driving yourself crazy with all of this.
let us know how you do with finding a therapist. and feel free to keep posting in the meantime
let us know how you do with finding a therapist. and feel free to keep posting in the meantime
Thanks for being so understanding when I probably should just slap myself upside the head. Maybe I fell on my head as a child I don' know.
I will go back and talk to someone. Until then it's time for me to suck it up and remember Lana's advice and start doing little things that will force me to be around people. Like you said Lana and I hope it will be true for me, "Everything gets better with practice so keep doing what you're doing. Eventually, that will become second nature and you'll be able to approach most things with neutrality. "
I will go back and talk to someone. Until then it's time for me to suck it up and remember Lana's advice and start doing little things that will force me to be around people. Like you said Lana and I hope it will be true for me, "Everything gets better with practice so keep doing what you're doing. Eventually, that will become second nature and you'll be able to approach most things with neutrality. "
Into The Light
MVP
no slapping allowed. instead, be understanding of yourself. that's how you move forward; punishment just doesn't work.
I printed out your responses to my posts. Your suggestions are very helpful and appreciated. I wrote down some of your tips too Lana because they were very insightful I thought. I also tried being a bit kinder to myself after reading what ITL said about punishment not working, when I beat myself up for not doing things that I want to do, I think I get more and more negative and it makes me worse.
I hope I can get to the point where I am more comfortable out in public, do you honestly think that it is just a question of practice? Is it really that simple, like if I do something over and over and just ignore that I am uncomfortable then one day I won't feel that way anymore. Like if I went down to my pool every day even though I feel uncomfortable, would I suddenly not feel that way for example. Is this a stupid question. Is it just about repeating I guess I mean do you think?
I hope I can get to the point where I am more comfortable out in public, do you honestly think that it is just a question of practice? Is it really that simple, like if I do something over and over and just ignore that I am uncomfortable then one day I won't feel that way anymore. Like if I went down to my pool every day even though I feel uncomfortable, would I suddenly not feel that way for example. Is this a stupid question. Is it just about repeating I guess I mean do you think?
This might not make sense, I almost have the opposite problem but the more I don't do something, it is easier to keep from doing it. For example, I am struggling right now not to do compulsive things so I am doing other things to refocus my attention. The more I practice this the better I get at it, so in other words it is the same as what you are saying I think, repetition works when trying to break a habit or change the way you act and think. Does this make sense? Maybe easier isnt the word, its like you have to view your issues as a challenge I think.
I go back and read some of the posts I wrote on here this past year and I dont even know that person anymore, people can change, who was that person I think when I re-read some of my old posts. I feel like I have changed but I still have struggles, thats just part of having a disorder, but I work at it every day and I have seen results. I bet you could too.
I hope this helps, I just wanted to show that change is possible.
I go back and read some of the posts I wrote on here this past year and I dont even know that person anymore, people can change, who was that person I think when I re-read some of my old posts. I feel like I have changed but I still have struggles, thats just part of having a disorder, but I work at it every day and I have seen results. I bet you could too.
I hope this helps, I just wanted to show that change is possible.
Hi Moonriver
You're already so much ahead then you were when you first wrote here. That, in itself, shows your improvement. Do I think that practice will make things easier? Absolutely. Maybe you won't reach that place where you don't care, per se...but, you may find a way to cope in a way that doesn't keep you locked up in a room and hiding from the world. Besides, not caring is not the ideal goal here. The goal is to find ways to do what you want and not be paralyzed with fear or anxiety. And you're well on your way.
Each and every time you're going out there, each and every time you make an effort, every time you read the suggestions and incorporate them, each and every one of those is an improvement. Keep up the good work, hon.
Yes, with habituation (practicing), it's just a matter of time before the discomfort decreases. That's why I no longer feel anxious going shopping. However, we often stop practicing socialization because of self-sabotage, i.e. beating ourselves up for not making progress as fast as we think we should. So the self-acceptance that Carl Rogers talks about (unconditional positive self-regard) is important, even for Albert Ellis' more behavioral approach:
Thanks alot for the tips you guys and the video link too. I will keep trying to make myself get out there and deal with the discomfort. Your tips are excellent and give me a feeling that maybe I can have a better life. I will keep trying and also to find a way to deal with rejection in a more positive way.
:heart:Another small success for me, yet one more time where I went swimming in my pool when there was someone there. And I spoke to someone too down there. Thanks for your help you guys. I want to get to a better place and I am really trying. Even before I used to be more comfortable answering other peoples posts and joining in on your conversations, that all just stopped and I kind of went into hiding. I guess I conditioned myself in a negative way so now I have to condition myself positively. I have tried and tried to understand what is so scary to me about talking to people and why I got worse but I don't know exactly. I guess I just stopped doing what was working.
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