• Quote of the Day
    "There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered."
    Nelson Mandela, posted by Daniel

Mika

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Jul 28, 2007
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I'm a teenager--15 years old. Probably one of the youngest on the forum :p

For years, my parents have always tried to control my life. They told me what I had to wear, what I had to eat, who to talk to, etc.

Coming from an asian background, they considered it normal to allow physical punishment--hitting. And throwing objects, brandishing sticks, such of the like. For a while, I thought that it was normal too-- since my other friends were getting the same kind of ordeal if they misbehaved.

My parents have always berated me, degraded me and discouraged me from doing what I wanted to do most, wanted to say and such. They told me who I had to be friends with, not to hang around so and so, do this work, and the list goes on.

After a while, we moved--to the countryside. About a couple weeks after, I slowly became depressed. I denied it at the time--I thought I was going to get over it, and it was just another "phase", as my parents called it.
I started cutting, overdosing, and had many suicide attempts--which all failed.

When my parents found out about my self-inflicted injuries, they thought it was all MY problem. I guess a part of it was. I was too scared to tell them how I felt, because I knew that they would've beaten me. Ever since I was young, after my parents have hurt me, they always said to me, "Don't tell anyone. Or we'll go to jail, and there won't be anyone to take care of you. No one will want you.". Because of that, I didn't tell anyone.

My friends knew that I had problems, of course. They've never witnessed anything happen, but they've always seen the result; a blackened eye, bruises, etc.

So when my parents found out about the cutting and things, my father...kicked me out of the house. He took away my bank card, my cellphone, everything. He gave me little time to pack, and just sent me away.
I'd been working for 4 or 5 months up to that point, and was saving up. But just like that, he took all of my money--some $2000, approximately. I went away to a friend's house, and stayed with her for a while...but the thing was, she was also depressed. Personally, I didn't feel that it'd be the best place to stay, because I could've fallen into a relapse and have the temptation to do what she was doing as well. Strange, I know.

Things aren't the best right now, but they HAVE improved. A friend of mine had the CAS involved, and it all went from there. Parents gave me the guilt trip for a while, but that stopped afterwards.

My question is, would there have been a better way to express my feelings, or tell my parents why I'd been hurting myself? I still haven't told them yet. I don't know how to.


mika.
 
Joined
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I'm so sorry your parents have been so unkind to you and abused you. Sadly, I don't think there is a way to make them understand why you have been hurting yourself. It just doesn't sound like they're very open-minded or accepting of your problems.

I hope you are in some kind of counseling to deal with all these things. That is something to consider at least.
 

Mika

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Jul 28, 2007
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Thanks, Janet. :)

It's true. I've been trying--the CAS have been trying to get them to accept the situation at hand, but we've failed. What they're saying is, "We refuse to believe that our daughter has a mental issue. Neither of us have a problem with it, so why should she?"

Since it's the summer, and school's not starting until September, I'm not recieving any counseling for myself; in matters of depression and the bipolar disorder. But we are checked up monthly by a social worker.

My parents don't enjoy the meetings--they say it makes them feel like some sort of a criminal. They say that it's my fault for dragging other people into family issues.

I'm just glad that they're admitting now that we DO have some sort of problem. It took them a while. :p

I live in a small town, so there aren't many places I could get counseling. Does anyone have any advice, whether it be online or in-person.




mika.
 
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Messages
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It's definitely not your fault, any of this. I was hoping you were receiving some counseling. When school starts in September is there a counselor at school you can see?
 

Daniel

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My parents don't enjoy the meetings--they say it makes them feel like some sort of a criminal.

I would think that could be a potential motivation for them to allow you to see a therapist. They would be showing they were doing something and, therefore, help get the CAS worker to get off their case.

I live in a small town, so there aren't many places I could get counseling.

BTW, one way to find out where the nearest therapist is may be to ask or call the CAS social worker (if you haven't already). That may provide better results than a Google search or looking in the phone book.
 

ThatLady

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I'd say, definitely talk to your CAS contact about this. The social worker should be able to assist you in finding a therapist. Even if your parents don't want to be involved, the therapist could be of great help to you in working through these difficult issues.

Good luck to you! It sounds like you've got a lot of courage! :hug:
 
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HA

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Oct 31, 2004
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:hello: :welcome2: to psychlinks, Mika!

I'm sorry that your life is so difficult right now.
Sometimes cultural differences make it hard for families to sort things out with their teens. I'm not sure if cultural issues are a big part of the problem in your family but if they are, mental health support for families that are tied to a specific culture can be helpful. For example we have Hong Fook for Asian families in Toronto. Maybe they can be of help to your parents?

Here is a fact sheet from the Royal College of Psychiatrists in the UK and it explains to parents and teachers what self harm is and why it happens. You can print this out and give it to your parents.
http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mentalheal...ealthandgrowingup/self-harminyoungpeople.aspx

Another site with a very good list of resources to help family and friends understand self injury is this one below:
http://www.siari.co.uk/Family_and_f...rmation_for_family_friends_and_supporters.htm

It is not uncommon for parents to take some time before they move out of the denial/shock stage when they learn that their child has a mental health problem. Most parents do come around when they are given the opportunity to be educated about what it is and how to help.
 
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