I cannot, cannot, cannot deal w/ my family anorme! I can't do this anymore. They are soooo overbearing and they cannot live their own lives but they are messing up everyone else's life meanwhile. My mom calls me every time I'm out, even if she knows w/ whom and where and when I'll be back (if I know...). She gives me no space. and when I say something she gets offensive and says that she just wanted to say hi or see how things were going or that she has the right to do so... it's disruptive to me going out w/ friends, it makes me anxious, it makes me mad... and she makes me feel like (insert a word) about myself every time she does this. she's so manipulative. she needs to live her own life. there isn't one peson in my family that does not have some kind of problem or issue to deal w/... and it's just so much to deal w/ all of the time. I always have to fix their problems, I'm expected to have answers, to sacrifice my life for theirs... they make me feel guilty about my own life, they think I have it all perfect... they forget that there are others out there who have it a whole lot worse than them and that they can decide to do soemthing about their situation.... I can't move out so I'm stuck here but I hate the fact they make me want to si, make me want to starve b/c I feel so empty inside, so alone, so WRONG. I MUST have done soemthing for them to get mad at me b/c of nothing. I am so exhausted from all of this I don't even try to change things anymore, only try to find the quickest way to fix things, to have them not be mad, to cover things up... I get asked why I made my mom mad even though she's mad for no reason... she does not know her limits and neither does anyone else. even if I set boundaries they're not followed. I'm being called a (insert a word) b/c ie. I didn't pick up the phone. They make me feel that I am such a bad person for what?!!? I can't make sense of this so I almost start believing it.... I can't deal w/ them anymore and my own issues... not anymore..... they have no idea.
I just tried talking to my mom and she won't even speak to me. I don't understand why every time she can't deal w/ things she lets it out on me. why being verbally and emotionally abusive makes her feel better about herself/the situation (does it???). I can't get through to her. I am so sick and tired of this emotional rollercoaster. you never know when something will go wrong. never know when your life will be put on hold once again or when you will end up being the one blamed. I've noticed though it's not just about fighting but I feel very very bad about myself afterwards even if I know I had nothing to do w/ it. I completely withdraw. I lose joy in things. I feel disjointed w/ reality. I literally feel dead inside.
I just tried talking to my mom and she won't even speak to me. I don't understand why every time she can't deal w/ things she lets it out on me. why being verbally and emotionally abusive makes her feel better about herself/the situation (does it???). I can't get through to her. I am so sick and tired of this emotional rollercoaster. you never know when something will go wrong. never know when your life will be put on hold once again or when you will end up being the one blamed. I've noticed though it's not just about fighting but I feel very very bad about myself afterwards even if I know I had nothing to do w/ it. I completely withdraw. I lose joy in things. I feel disjointed w/ reality. I literally feel dead inside.
