I Can't Stop Drinking

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Dear Roy H,

You do deserve a shot at happiness. You're worth it. I mean, look how you've engaged me here two nights in a row. Heck, I'm enjoying this conversation with you. You're articulate, intelligent, sensitive, and you seem like a genuinely good man. You've got a lot going for you. I think you're worth it and I hope that you'll see it pretty soon, too.

I echo the words of Fiver, I have been reading your posts, It takes courage to face into the reality of ones own self abusive behaviour.
Your consideration for your family is very moving, it is also important to show the same consideration and caring towards yourself, you are worth it, there are many resources available to help you towards understanding why you hurt yourself in this way, take one step at a time, the most important step has been taken by your honesty and self awareness.

my very best wishes wphttp://forum.psychlinks.ca/editpost.php?do=editpost&p=142535

 

[ladylore]

I am glad to see you too. Two questions left unanswered. Did you call up the treatment centre to see about a therapist that deals with addiction. Have you found out where an AA meeting is in your community?

Talking from experience, you need support and something like AA is a great place to start.

 

[Roy H.]

Two things stick out to me here, Roy:

Okay, you might or you might not. The thing is, a proper diagnosis and treatment really can't be offered while you're still drinking and masking whatever non-alcohol symptoms might be lurking beneath. This would be one very good reason to abstain, so that a real diagnosis can be made based on real symptoms.

and that's where I'm going to stop you. It's noble and considerate that you also respect your family and wish to make their lives easier, but first and foremost you need to sober up for you. You, Roy, deserve to be free from what's holding you back. You deserve to be happy, and if alcohol abuse is keeping you from that state, then you deserve to sober up for you first.

I always felt like in the most recent efforts I wasn't doing it (trying to sober up for the permanent good) for myself, and I have talked with other professionals who have stated the same; I didn't need to hear it from them, I knew it. I agree with you whole-heartedly: I have to do it for myself, first and foremost.

I am glad to see you too. Two questions left unanswered. Did you call up the treatment centre to see about a therapist that deals with addiction. Have you found out where an AA meeting is in your community?

Talking from experience, you need support and something like AA is a great place to start.

And I think that's what I'm a little afraid of. I don't like group environments so much. I was thrown in detox about six weeks ago (a story I won't get into here), but I was directed to a professional who works in both CD (chemical dependency) and mental health, and getting to the bottom of why I am doing what I'm doing, working on strategies to overcome these issues, etc. The only problem was that she wasn't covered by my insurance, and I am going to go through the county after I contact the last doc I saw about four weeks ago.

Thanks for the kind words to everyone who posted here.

 

[Fiver]

Hey Roy? If you're out there and reading, if you feel up to it, let us know what's up and how you're doing, even if it's just a word or two.

I care, dude.

 

[Roy H.]

Thanks Fiver.

I've been staying sober and taking my meds and I am going to have a meeting with some family and the last doc I saw about four weeks ago, on Monday. I'm a little worried about everything right now beccacuse it sort of feels like my life is out of my hands right now - like I don't really have control over it (even when I am sober) because of some of the stupidity on my behalf. I wanted to resume my education this coming semester and put my degree away and look towards the next step, but that may very likely be on hold. I'm just trying to stay positive through this all.

 

[ladylore]

You can do this Roy. :2thumbs:

 

[Jazzey]

hi Roy,

I've been quiet on your thread for very selfish reasons - I love alcohol....If I were to pinpoint the dates, probably somewhere in 1998 / 1999 ( I would have been 28 or 29 years old). But you can do it. In 2000 I went back to school. I had no money to speak of, and my priorities was the academic side of this life.

Having said all of this. The alcohol problem never truly goes away. Because eventually you have the money to dip back into that escapism. So, advice to you (and me in the process) - what is it in our lives that we're escaping? With the help of a psychologist right now, I'm slowly discovering some of the answers. I won't lie, it's scary and the work is tough. But I still think we're worth it....Alcohol...it'll still be there when we're responsible to use it in the fashion that it was intended to be used....

Thanks Roy, for having the guts to share with us. Just because some of us are a little more quiet about it, it doesn't mean that we didn't hear every word of what you said...

 

[Fiver]

Thanks for coming back, Roy. There are good words, good people, kind hearts here. Use every available resource to you during this time, including this one. I promise that when you're ready and able, you'll give it back in spades.

I can tell you're that kind of guy.

 

[Into The Light]

good luck on monday. i think you have incredible character to be facing all of this and to be taking the steps you are. i know you don't feel this way but you should be proud of yourself. i know it all feels out of control, and that it's very scary, but it will get better. just take it one day at a time, don't think ahead too much, and eventually you will feel better, not as out of control, and things won't be as scary. lean on us throughout this process, your family, and your doctor, it is with the help of all these people that you will get to where you need to be. you can do this :2thumbs:

edit: you may feel out of control but you are taking control of the situation by what you are doing. just something to think about

 

[Roy H.]

Regards to everyone who posted.

I just have a question. When I was at the behavioral unit at the hospital, someone told me CD (chemical dependency) is a mental illness. Is this true?

Also, one thing that stood out to me the last time I talked to a mental health doctor was, she said that alcohol can mask symptoms of mental illness. She said that a woman she treated was CD and was treated into her 50s and 60s until when she fully abstained, they found that she was manic. Is this also true?

This sheds a little more light on me as well: http://forum.psychlinks.ca/new-members-introductions/10695-having-trouble.html

 

[ladylore]

I can talk for myself here.

Yes addiction is seen as a disability, at least in Canada and maybe in the United States. It does take some time for the brain to create healthier connections and for physical health to improve.

Once I started dealing with the addiction I was diagnosed with PTSD. I had to get to the underlying cause and deal with it to ensure I wouldn't relapse.

 

[Grace]

Hi Roy. I'm new here but have already read several of your posts. You strike me as a remarkably intelligent and courageous young man (even if it doesn't feel that way to you now).

Congratulations on your resolve to start feeling better.

I think it's perfectly understandable that you turned to substance abuse, given the extreme social anxiety you described in an earlier thread - it's hard to avoid people in this life; I imagine it felt as though alcohol could numb the anxiety somewhat.

You don't need telling, our "little helpers" can turn against us in a big way. With alcohol, the numbing effect starts working all too well - in the wrong ways! By shutting down several of the more useful brain & cognitive functions, it ends up making our nerves jangle even more than they did before ... as you've found. The good news is, things start to get straight fairly quickly after you've stopped drinking. This will leave your head a little clearer, and allow you a little more perspective on what ails you.

I'm happy to hear you have access to a doctor who knows something about you.
Remember you DO deserve good treatment and careful attention

Good luck with your appointment.

Best wishes,
Grace

 

[Fiver]

"Paging Mr. Roy H, that's Roy H. You have a call holding at the white courtesy phone in the main concourse, Mr. H. If Roy H is on the premises, please pick up the white courtesy phone. Or the red phone, whichever you prefer. And I think there might even be a couple of old phones left from the 'seventies that are Harvest Gold or Avocado Green. It was not a pretty decade for home decor. Again, this page is for Mr. Roy H to pick up any colour phone on this board, but there really aren't any phones here at all, not even in ugly colours from 1973. This ridiculous airport courtesy phone analogy can be answered by a single grunt in any thread of your choosing for no extra charge. Once again, this page is for Mr. Roy H. As always, thenk yew for using Psychlinks Airlines for all of your non-travel needs, especially since we here at PL not only do NOT have courtesy phones, but we also do not provide air travel. Please feel free to use any of the complimentary forums where you may individualize any thread you start, just the way you like it!. Thenk yew again, and have a pleasant stay."

*ker-klick*

Yup, this is why I try to avoid answering the phone at work in the middle of the night, Roy. I can't much be trusted with the public address system at 3AM and I get myself into trouble a lot.

How about I just bump this thread instead? If you're around, if you're up to it, tell us how things are going, whether they're good, if they suck, or if like, you know, everything is just totally meh and blah. I've been thinking about you, hoping to see you pop by. Regardless of whether you feel like posting, just know that I'm sending you positive wishes, and I think I can safely speak for several others with that sentiment, too.

(The other folks would have done it in a much less dorky style, though. I bet this will be the last time they let me page a member here without proper adult supervision.)

I care, Roy, don't forget it. We care, a lot. You don't need to feel alone.

 

[Roy H.]

^ To the posts above and everyone else, thanks again.

Well, at this juncture I've run into a couple issues that I have to tend to. There is a treatment facility here called Teen Challenge and it is supposed to be the best, hands down. Now, my folks want me at that facility; the facility has both a short program (3 months) and a long program (12-15 months), the latter of which is free, the former of which my current health coverage will not cover - go figure.

My dillema now is to try to switch my insurance to Blue Cross, ASAP, because they cover the 3 month program at this facility. My concern with that is that it will be at least 'til October before I can enroll. In the meantime I have a "Rule 25" on the 11th of this month which could get me in another treatment facility. Family here suggests I go into a long-term facility like the 12 to 15 month one, but it almost seems extreme, but I do believe that would be an enormous boost to sobriety, for good.

I fell off the wagon again last week pretty bad, and it's pretty obvious I need help to clear my mind and get the right meds for me because I feel so afraid of people, and so I can re-enroll at my University to succesfully pursue my degree. Man, this life is so hard in so many ways.

I'm just glad people here have posted your words because it helps me to be communicating with someone - anyone - even if it's just online here.

 

[Jazzey]

Hi Roy,

Maybe the 12 months program is what you need? This is why I ask the question:

but I do believe that would be an enormous boost to sobriety, for good.

I agree with you. I think that the 12 months program would be an incredible boost to sobriety, and possibly one that will enable you to pursue whatever academic path you want to in the future.

My only concern with the 3 months program is that 3 months is a drop in the bucket. Will such a program really give you the proper foundation to rediscover who you are sober, to feel comfortable as a sober person, and to live a life that doesn't include addiction?

 

[ladylore]

Hey Roy! Glad to see you.
As someone who has been in recovery I really recommend the year long program. Quitting the substance is simple - making life changes is the hard part. It does take the full year to really make those new behaviours stick.

The first year is rewarding but also can be very rocky. If you can get a years support - take it. Your worth it.