I feel like I'm having a complete breakdown

[Rosa]

i just can't stop crying...this past week or so has been another hard time-more freakin depression. Yesterday I started to come out of it. Tonight I was suppose to be Rabbi's guest at the Community Seder so I got all dressed up...drove there,,, only to find out my name wasn't even on the list...i wanted to die!!!!!!!!!!!! all the people were pushing towards the front to see where they were sitting and there i was just standing there seeing my name was missing. I couldn't get out of the building fast enough-the tears started and I could barely drive home cause i was crying so much. now i'm back where I was just days ago-crying and overwhelmed. I can't begin to tell you how sick and tired i am with my self....why do i have to be like this??? why can't i be like everyone else with normal problems?? i feel like i'm watching my mind go and theres nothing i can do but watch. does anybody have any ideas on what i should do now?
Rosa

 

[Halo]

Hi Rosa,

I am very sorry to hear about the overwhelming hard time that you are having. I can relate to you completely. I can only offer my suggestion of what I would do. First, if you have a therapist, I would call him/her and ask to see them earlier than your next reguarly scheduled appointment. Second, find support either on here or with family/friends and express to them that you don't feel well and you need their support. Asking for help is a big step and so is admitting that you are having a hard time (at least for me it is hard). Third, if you are really feeling bad and are scared for yourself, maybe calling a help line to talk to a real person. There are many different help lines that can be of great use. Fourth, do something for yourself that you enjoy whether it be reading, writing, singing, taking a bath, taking a walk, exercise....anything.

I really don't have any other suggestions or advice but I just listed what I would do and what I have done in the past to get through the hard times.

Take Care and I am here for you if you need to talk.
Nancy

 

[Cat Dancer]

Sorry that you're feeling so badly, Rosa. I think Nancy has some very good advice. You have your doggies with you and you can hug on them. I know my pets always make me feel a little better.

Here is a link to a post with some crisis numbers:

http://forum.psychlinks.ca/index.php/topic,1753.0.html

 

[Rosa]

Thank you both for responding. I read your responses the other night and they did help....i was just in no shape to respond, Nancy, thank you for all your helpful words. And Janet thanks for the link...it really helps when you aren't able to seach for something to instead have it right in front of you. I did see my doctor yesterday and we discussed whats been going on and in particular what happened at the community seder. He understood how important and how disappointing this was for me and I sat there and cryed about the entire experience. It was the most important night of the year it had special importance with this being my Rabbi's last seder he will do for the community...it was overwhelming...on top of my state of mind which was fragile to begin with it was just too much. I still cry as I think of it. My doctor who is also Jewish couldn't imagine something so horrable happening as to be left out of a seder so he understands the impact this is having on me-that helps alot. Just as imporant though was my response and how we need to work on that. Had I been in a better state of mind i could have said something but even with what I did my response to myself was nothing short of self hatred and that wasn't exactly appropreate. I was soooooo mad at myself for starting to cry instead of saying something but once the tears started i just fled. Not only that my mind gets soooooo screwed up thinking...and i know its not rational but i think what if it was just a joke and the joke was on me...i know that is from my past but its what i think and feel now!!! I know Rabbi would never play a joke on me... and not such a cruel joke,,,but i think its all my fault because i trusted him and face it he never said i could trust him..... so its all my fault. i do trust my rabbi...not because he said i could but because i do.... but when i'm in this state of mind i think this way. so then i get sooooo mad at myself when i really have nothing to be mad at me for....does this make any sense???? thank you all for your support...i don't no where i'd be without it.
In friendship
Rosa

 

[Cat Dancer]

Rosa, you make perfect sense to me. I can relate to the issue of trust and being so hurt about things like that.

I'm glad that you talked to your doctor about this and that he is so understanding.

 

[Rosa]

Thanks Janet....I wouldn't wish these feelings on anyone but there is some relief in knowing others feel the same way as I do. I too, am very thankful my doctor understood how important this was to me. He really listened to me and I knew he was understanding what I was going thru. It did help to talk about it. Thankfully the other night when I got home my two trusty dogs where ever so happy to see me and more than willing to cuddle on the couch so that helped too.
In friendship
Rosa

 

[Halo]

Hi Rosa,

I am glad that you have a great therapist that you can talk to and that he understands the importance of the situation. It is also great that you have the unconditional love of your dogs and they can truly help to lift your spirits.

Hope you are feeling better and if you need to talk I am here.

Take Care
Nancy

 

[Thelostchild]

Hey, Rosa Im sorry your feeling so down. I've had allot of things like that happen to me too. Its embarrassing. Hey I don't think there is such thing as normal, everyone has there flaws. Iunderstand that that's hard to sthink that but its true. Maybe you go out on a walk get out in the fresh air and think about, about everything sometimes that helps. Take your dogs out talk to them. I do that even though they might understand at least they wont judge you. I hoope that you feel better.