I feel weird

[SilentNinja]

Does anyone ever get REALLY REALLY irritated and frustrated with everything and especially with people, feel likes your head is going to explode and you just wanna cry but at the same time you feel.. Dont know if the word is happy im looking for? but you want to do so much stuff ( projects ) and have so much energy... but all the thoughts and feelings are conflicting so you just sit there staring at the PC or walls for hours and hours. Is this a normal?
I have a lot of things on my mind.. i have been trying to explain to my martial arts coaches about my AvPD and bipolar and he really doesnt care and i making me do things i cant do... like in January he wants me to teach a class... I told him i really cant and he said ive to act my age and grow up and get on with life.

 

[forgetmenot]

Your coach needs to talk to your professionals You doctor your therapist can get him on the same page so he is helping you not harming you with such ignorant comments like those ones. hugs

 

[SilentNinja]

That wont work. He is not a nice, caring or understanding person.
But the feelings i have been having... are these normal to have? I dont like it, or know why its happening

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I agree. Don't let yourself get pushed into things you're not ready for. Your coach may know a lot about martial arts but he has a lot to learn about people and mental health.

By the way, what you describe (irritability plus) sound very much to me like hypomania. Have you seen your doctors recently.

 

[Jesse910]

Hi Silent Ninja: I get these same feelings - rushes of energy, frustration, anger, and then I just want to lie down and cry or sleep. Yes, this is a part of the illness. And, it can be worked through. And, for what it's worth, your martial arts person needs some guidance. I agree with David's comments above.

 

[SilentNinja]

I dont go to my psych anymore she discharged me in September because nothing more could be done and i was put on Cipralex 2 years ago which i just came off in October because i wanted to try do without. They were prescribed for my Avpd and depression at the time, i have never been on Bipolar medication. My moods change alot one month i will be totally into everything training 7 nights a week in 4 martial arts and then for no reason i cant be bothered with it and i want to give everything up, and stay in my room.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

So how do think "trying without medication" has worked for you?

 

[SilentNinja]

I read that the med i was on was linked to sudden death and it really scared me, plus i was putting on weight, and i was scared every day taking them, it was in drops because i cant swallow pills, i have always had a fear of meds, i wont even take painkillers.
My moods still went up and down on the meds but not as extreme as without them, i thought i was doing good without them, i had one bad month where i stayed in my room but then i felt awesome and i was training so much, and now i just feel crazy inside my head.
Ive been seeing psychs on and off for years and when i am sitting there i cant say anything... i end up just agreeing with what they are saying, even if i made a list of things to say i still couldnt discuss them.. so i wasnt getting anywhere... im just a failure.. no one understands me.

 

[AmZ]

Nice to hear from you SN.

So sorry you're going through a hard time still. I also agree with what Dr Baxter said.

Stay strong and fight on.

 

[SilentNinja]

I always feel i am annoying people when i post here i dont know why but i can sence people are angry at me, maybe its just me!
Its nice to see all the familiar faces (names ) again.. its been a while.

 

[MHealthJo]

I'm not angry Silent Ninja.

People will try to get you to think of important connections to make, which can help you once those connections happen... so people may try various ways of prompting your thinking, etc, to help that to happen. But that is not the same as being angry or annoyed at you

Sorry you're up against these really tough challenges. It's great that you're here talking through them.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Maybe it IS just you. I don't see anything here that would suggest anyone here is angry with you.

 

[SilentNinja]

Im sorry.
I just wish i could be normal.. and i wish i didnt need meds, and that i could speak and say what i wanted to my psychs, i must go a whole day and only speak a few words

 

[MHealthJo]

Don't beat yourself up Ninja... Just keep chugging, keep remembering that what you feel or thoughts you have may not always be the reality... it's not easy....

Keep sticking with the recommendations of the professionals you can enlist to help you... It's so tough to trust, but chatting, reading other peoples experiences, and looking up success stories can give you hope and keep you going/hanging on... Can help you find reasons to put more trust/faith in the help you can get.

Hmm, I just remembered something... Sometimes role models or mentors can help us keep moving forward too... Like if we find out about people who have come to a good place, after struggling with the same illnesses or problems that we have. We can say to ourselves, "How did that person get there, where I want to be? What did they do and how did they come to that place? How did they get past the roadblocks that are currently holding me back?" Getting the answers to those questions can help us form goals or priorities, and can feel positive and motivating too.

Keep chugging Ninja and I hope you can forget about the idea that people are angry or annoyed with you...not easy. Sorry you are feeling .those unpleasant feelings... Only good wishes to you

---------- Post Merged at 04:49 AM ---------- Previous Post was at 04:46 AM ----------

I've also noticed that I just told a Ninja who studies martial arts to not beat himself up.

 

[forgetmenot]

FAr from it hun No one is angry with you and no one is annoyed either hun. It is good to see you reaching out for help hun I do hope you can talk to your doctor about getting back on some medication that will help you from all the highs and lows you are feeling Hugs

 

[SilentNinja]

Thanks. maybe after xmas and new year i will go back, i just hope all these emotions settle so i can get back to normal , i always push people away... yet i need someone, i dont have any friends at all where i live, no one to go visit, no one to come see me, no one to talk to, i only have "friends" on facebook, but i deleted that tonight. Argh

 

[SilentNinja]

Everyones picking on me now - i never say this.... but i really wish i was dead coz then id be FREE. Why is the world so mean and nasty. My friends are picking on me the world is just out to hurt me, god, even facebook picked on me today i got a warning from them because they want me to use my REAL name on there, I use Ninja, and they want my proper name.

 

[AmZ]

I don't think you'd be free if you were dead... How would you FEEL freedom if you were dead? Being dead is being non-existent.

 

[SilentNinja]

i feel a little better today.. wow i was going crazy last night it was horrible, i could not think straight at all. I like what you say Amz!

 

[SilentNinja]

i just posted on facebook "NEON ORANGE SPOONS" as a status and i burst out laughing and my eyes were watering i couldnt stop laughing then at the same time it turned to crying my eyes out. That whole episode has just freaked me out and i feel like a lunitic. I have No idea why that all just happened!!! What was that?!!