Desperate Daughter in Law
Member
Hi, I am really hoping that this forum will help me to help my mother in law who is an anorexic and has been for many years. For anyone who is willing to read this whole post I will try and paint the picture that led me to this site and to anyone who may be able to help us in helping her.
My mother in law is 61, since the birth of my brother in law (38) she has watched her weight. She is painfully thin and admitted about two years ago that she basically starves herself. Each year before her holiday she sets herself a target weight, at 5 foot 4 the first I knew of this was when her target was 8 stone, not too alarming but still under nourished, a few years later that pre holiday weight was 7 stone, the problem now is that I fear her pre holiday target weight is now 6 stone, i.e. progressively worse.
She has admitted to other people that she eats a banana every day, along with coffee 30 cigs and 6 pro plus. The problem is that my husband (her son) his brother and dad are so used to this behaviour that they dont seem to see it as a problem or anything that they can resolve, my fear is that she is thinking they dont care and it doesnt matter how far she takes this, she wont die and they wont notice.
I find it so difficult to even talk to her because I feel for my kids I feel angry at her and what she is doing to herself, I know its an illness and that I need to understand better which is why I am here, but how will we tell them that their nan died of self neglect, starvation, or malnutrition and that we did nothing to try and help her. We have alot of evidence that suggests that she is trying to be thinner than a family member who has cancer, its kind of like she is trying to get our attention.
Two years ago we had a family meeting after she kept fainting and managed to get her to a doctor, he said she was and had been anorexic for many years and that she needed to see a psychologist, her response was that she isnt batty and she refused to go and see a shrink, the family accepted that and seemed to forget about it. My fear now is that she is on the verge of a breakdown.
Most recently I asked her before her holiday if she had lost weight, she smiled and said no, then seemed pleased that someone else had said they were more concerned about her than they were about the relative that had cancer!! She is on holiday now and I know that after her one meal a day which she only has on holiday she will be walking for 8 miles to walk her dinner off. She has recently thrown away her scales as well as 6 bags of clothes (size 8) and is showing people the 3 safety pins that keep her size 8 clothes on.
I could go on and on, but a friend suggested that I write her a letter showing that I care and that we want to help her, but I didnt want to do that without getting an opinion from either other sufferers (Im told she might think Im jealous of her slim build) or someone who knows the score.
She is due back in two weeks and then we go the day after, I dont want to drop the bombshell and then disappear, please someone tell me what is the best way to handle this. I cant stay silent, but I cant do anything without proof of what damage she is doing to herself or without convincing everyone that this time its serious.
Any advice good or bad will be welcome, I really am desperate.
Thanks in advance
My mother in law is 61, since the birth of my brother in law (38) she has watched her weight. She is painfully thin and admitted about two years ago that she basically starves herself. Each year before her holiday she sets herself a target weight, at 5 foot 4 the first I knew of this was when her target was 8 stone, not too alarming but still under nourished, a few years later that pre holiday weight was 7 stone, the problem now is that I fear her pre holiday target weight is now 6 stone, i.e. progressively worse.
She has admitted to other people that she eats a banana every day, along with coffee 30 cigs and 6 pro plus. The problem is that my husband (her son) his brother and dad are so used to this behaviour that they dont seem to see it as a problem or anything that they can resolve, my fear is that she is thinking they dont care and it doesnt matter how far she takes this, she wont die and they wont notice.
I find it so difficult to even talk to her because I feel for my kids I feel angry at her and what she is doing to herself, I know its an illness and that I need to understand better which is why I am here, but how will we tell them that their nan died of self neglect, starvation, or malnutrition and that we did nothing to try and help her. We have alot of evidence that suggests that she is trying to be thinner than a family member who has cancer, its kind of like she is trying to get our attention.
Two years ago we had a family meeting after she kept fainting and managed to get her to a doctor, he said she was and had been anorexic for many years and that she needed to see a psychologist, her response was that she isnt batty and she refused to go and see a shrink, the family accepted that and seemed to forget about it. My fear now is that she is on the verge of a breakdown.
Most recently I asked her before her holiday if she had lost weight, she smiled and said no, then seemed pleased that someone else had said they were more concerned about her than they were about the relative that had cancer!! She is on holiday now and I know that after her one meal a day which she only has on holiday she will be walking for 8 miles to walk her dinner off. She has recently thrown away her scales as well as 6 bags of clothes (size 8) and is showing people the 3 safety pins that keep her size 8 clothes on.
I could go on and on, but a friend suggested that I write her a letter showing that I care and that we want to help her, but I didnt want to do that without getting an opinion from either other sufferers (Im told she might think Im jealous of her slim build) or someone who knows the score.
She is due back in two weeks and then we go the day after, I dont want to drop the bombshell and then disappear, please someone tell me what is the best way to handle this. I cant stay silent, but I cant do anything without proof of what damage she is doing to herself or without convincing everyone that this time its serious.
Any advice good or bad will be welcome, I really am desperate.
Thanks in advance
