Cat Dancer
MVP
What about being too attached? How do you know if you are?
- Thread starter Cat Dancer
- Start date
Hi Cat Dancer: I agree with what everyone else has said. At times, I think there are therapists/shrinks who don't get the big picture and can't quite get what we are saying. When that occurs, you need to figure out whether I am afraid and holding back because I fear what this person may think of me? Or, am I trusting as much as I can and I'm not being understood and/or accepted? One other problem to consider is the therapist/shrink not dancing to a tune that can facilitate healing for me. In which case, you either need to have a conversation with your therapist/shrink or seek a referral.
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Hi CD,
Ive been thinking about this thread and whether I have anything of value to add. I'm not sure but here goes.
First, if you look back to the thread on positive things and reread your post from September 8 you'll see you commented on what a great therapist you have. I think that says something.
Second, know that it's not uncommon to have these questions, doubts, and desires in regards to your therapist. Do you think you could have this discussion with him and trust that how he replies will be true? I can tell you I've already started having the "what if" conversation with my therapist and it's good to have that conversation but you also need to trust their professionalism and answer. By that I mean when he tells you he's not going to ditch you you need to try really, really hard to believe that. Experiencing transference in therapy is extremely common and should be talked about openly and honestly with your therapist.
Finally, I hope you're feeling better and a little more at peace today.
Ive been thinking about this thread and whether I have anything of value to add. I'm not sure but here goes.
First, if you look back to the thread on positive things and reread your post from September 8 you'll see you commented on what a great therapist you have. I think that says something.
Second, know that it's not uncommon to have these questions, doubts, and desires in regards to your therapist. Do you think you could have this discussion with him and trust that how he replies will be true? I can tell you I've already started having the "what if" conversation with my therapist and it's good to have that conversation but you also need to trust their professionalism and answer. By that I mean when he tells you he's not going to ditch you you need to try really, really hard to believe that. Experiencing transference in therapy is extremely common and should be talked about openly and honestly with your therapist.
Finally, I hope you're feeling better and a little more at peace today.
Cat Dancer
MVP
I called and talked to him for a little bit and he was very reassuring about the transference and the struggles I'm going through right now. So I do feel better. I also think I need to STOP obsessing about it. I'm afraid that obessiveness will come back, but at least for now I know that things with him are ok.
Knitwit
Member
No one is too messed up for therapy. Sometimes, it is too daunting to look at all the issues that have to be dealth with, but it,s like shoveling a big mountain of sand. You can only do it one shovel full at a time so ask your therapist to help you identify one issue to work on at a time. Often, this unleashes answers to other issues that are messing you up. Sometimes, it's too overwhelming to look at the big picture, so look at one thing at a time. You have nothing to lose, and your therapist is there for you.
Cat Dancer
MVP
Therapy is really intense right now. I think I'm looking for reasons to quit or run away because it's so intense and so painful. Facing issues is so hard and i don't want to. Is there some other way to heal?
David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
No. Therapy is hard work. If it were easy, you wouldn't need to be in therapy.
Cat Dancer
MVP
And it wouldn't be better just to go back to the way things were before therapy would it?
David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
Nope.
Cat Dancer
MVP
I'm afraid therapy isn't helping because today I feel much worse than I did before I went. Why does that happen? Does it mean I'm hopeless?
No it means you are dealing with some hard issues at the moment.
positivethoughts
Member
Hey,
Many times after a therapy session I will feel worst, more agitated, frustrated, more emotional. I will even cause more chaos in the home instead of more stability. I believe for myself, I need a time to process the issues that I was talking about, reflect on what is happening to me....I especially need to deal with the changes that are occurring within me; to accept the changes that are occurring due to my fear of change, a new way of thinking, emotions that I believed I could never feel.....to understand that I am seeing things in a different way or that I have not progress on a certain issue that I am working on; it may be because I want the "cure" to happen faster.....
It is not about you being hopeless....It is about a process. I needed to learn to trust the process. This took me a long time.....more years then I wanted to.
Hope this helps...
Many times after a therapy session I will feel worst, more agitated, frustrated, more emotional. I will even cause more chaos in the home instead of more stability. I believe for myself, I need a time to process the issues that I was talking about, reflect on what is happening to me....I especially need to deal with the changes that are occurring within me; to accept the changes that are occurring due to my fear of change, a new way of thinking, emotions that I believed I could never feel.....to understand that I am seeing things in a different way or that I have not progress on a certain issue that I am working on; it may be because I want the "cure" to happen faster.....
It is not about you being hopeless....It is about a process. I needed to learn to trust the process. This took me a long time.....more years then I wanted to.
Hope this helps...
Cat Dancer
MVP
That makes sense.
I just feel so depressed.
I don't see any way out of it.
I just feel so depressed.
I don't see any way out of it.
I think you're doing great - you just need to have patience with yourself.
And say nice things to yourself once in a while
And say nice things to yourself once in a while
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AmZ
Member
I agree with all of the great advice you are getting here CD. There is much love for you not only from your fellow forum members but from your family too. You are a fighter and you will continue on fighting and battling through. Therapy is not easy.
I don't think that someone can be too messed up for therapy - maybe it will just take more time and patience. But it will be worth it in the end.
Feel good xx
I don't think that someone can be too messed up for therapy - maybe it will just take more time and patience. But it will be worth it in the end.
Feel good xx
It's peaks and troughs.
That's what therapy is. I liken it to being on a boat in rough seas that is exactly how I feel emotionally during the troughs in therapy, like things are running rampant in my mind with no control over them and then suddenly I rise above the wave and can see everything clearly!
That is what your therapist is for not just the good moments. I would encourage you to tell them how you have been feeling it's important and you are sooooo not too messed up for therapy!
*pfffts*
That's what therapy is. I liken it to being on a boat in rough seas that is exactly how I feel emotionally during the troughs in therapy, like things are running rampant in my mind with no control over them and then suddenly I rise above the wave and can see everything clearly!
That is what your therapist is for not just the good moments. I would encourage you to tell them how you have been feeling it's important and you are sooooo not too messed up for therapy!
*pfffts*
Cat Dancer
MVP
Thanks for the replies.
I'm just really struggling right now. I did call my poor therapist and he talked to me for a few minutes and tried to help me. My anxiety level is just so high right now. I took some klonopin so hopefully that will help. I don't know what is wrong and I can't figure it out. I want to try to understand it so I can fix it. I don't know what is causing the anxiety. I feel like I need to crawl out of my skin and that is impossible.
Therapy does seem to stir things up and make it really hard to deal with day to day life. I need to somehow learn to just LIVE in the moment. I feel stuck in the past right now. I just feel almost sick with anxiety.
I'm just really struggling right now. I did call my poor therapist and he talked to me for a few minutes and tried to help me. My anxiety level is just so high right now. I took some klonopin so hopefully that will help. I don't know what is wrong and I can't figure it out. I want to try to understand it so I can fix it. I don't know what is causing the anxiety. I feel like I need to crawl out of my skin and that is impossible.
Therapy does seem to stir things up and make it really hard to deal with day to day life. I need to somehow learn to just LIVE in the moment. I feel stuck in the past right now. I just feel almost sick with anxiety.
Well there is a couple of things you can do here...
One is revisit how often you go for therapy it may be you need longer between sessions or even need a break.
I was honest with the psychotherapist about times when I simply thought "I'm not going"...I'll be honest there is not one therapy session I have wanted willingly to attend it is almost as if I drag myself against my will. There have been many times I've decided not to go because I was feeling exactly how you are just now!
Two, what relaxes you? Do more of it if you know and yes you may need some kind of medication to help here, I have relented and started taking a minimal dose of Diazepam for ten nights of every month, reluctantly, because of my families drug issues and because I feel I've failed because I need them...but it's like a wonder drug I can sleep, I am relaxed and even my sexual issues subside slightly.
By what relaxes you? I really do mean think about this, I used to play 6 hours soccer a day and run two miles with my dogs and bike 5 miles three times a week, it was the only way to keep my depression in check and relax me however due to joint and health problems I have now moved over to swimming which always relaxes you, walking my dog (which truly makes me happy and relaxed) and a bit of yoga.
You have to have a good think about this is may not be easy if all you feel is anxiety and it may be something that seems trivial like doing the ironing ( i hate ironing btw) but if it takes you from your mind and somewhere else it is well worth it.
My biggest difficulty when I got to this stage in therapy where I felt like you do, was my own mind, when I was left alone or doing something mundane like washing dishes all sorts of flash backs and very rough thoughts that I had not thought about for say 20 years would rush into my mind.
I felt overwhelmed and very stressed, so distraction techniques work for me too and one of the best things that helped me was my CBT therapist taught me to think about what was worrying me, as when we worry about something our natural impulse is within our own minds to run away from that thought and mentally try and dodge it which keeps our levels of anxiety up. Whereas if we think about that worrying thing it diminishes it's the power it has over us and the physical sensation it is causing.
It's only a thought!
These are just some of the ways I have found to cope with the affect therapy has and what you are experiencing is a normal part of therapy.
It is only natural if you have been through a terrible time that getting over the effects will at times be terrible too, go have a session and speak about how you feel it's the therapists job to help you through it and also to find ways of lessening these problems your having.
Your doing well and feeling how you should in successful therapy, it's not nice but worth it in the end!
One more thought I write poetry as well to help me and some people actually seem to like it! I found something I wrote about therapy recently in which I likened therapy to taking a bandage off a wound having a look at the wound and covering it back up, Ive also in other writing likened it to skimming stones on a pond as your mind doesn't want to trawl the depths of the pond, you are in a battle with you own mind and how it works, that is no easy feat and you are doing really well!
Put on a bit of rocky music before sessions!!!
One is revisit how often you go for therapy it may be you need longer between sessions or even need a break.
I was honest with the psychotherapist about times when I simply thought "I'm not going"...I'll be honest there is not one therapy session I have wanted willingly to attend it is almost as if I drag myself against my will. There have been many times I've decided not to go because I was feeling exactly how you are just now!
Two, what relaxes you? Do more of it if you know and yes you may need some kind of medication to help here, I have relented and started taking a minimal dose of Diazepam for ten nights of every month, reluctantly, because of my families drug issues and because I feel I've failed because I need them...but it's like a wonder drug I can sleep, I am relaxed and even my sexual issues subside slightly.
By what relaxes you? I really do mean think about this, I used to play 6 hours soccer a day and run two miles with my dogs and bike 5 miles three times a week, it was the only way to keep my depression in check and relax me however due to joint and health problems I have now moved over to swimming which always relaxes you, walking my dog (which truly makes me happy and relaxed) and a bit of yoga.
You have to have a good think about this is may not be easy if all you feel is anxiety and it may be something that seems trivial like doing the ironing ( i hate ironing btw) but if it takes you from your mind and somewhere else it is well worth it.
My biggest difficulty when I got to this stage in therapy where I felt like you do, was my own mind, when I was left alone or doing something mundane like washing dishes all sorts of flash backs and very rough thoughts that I had not thought about for say 20 years would rush into my mind.
I felt overwhelmed and very stressed, so distraction techniques work for me too and one of the best things that helped me was my CBT therapist taught me to think about what was worrying me, as when we worry about something our natural impulse is within our own minds to run away from that thought and mentally try and dodge it which keeps our levels of anxiety up. Whereas if we think about that worrying thing it diminishes it's the power it has over us and the physical sensation it is causing.
It's only a thought!
These are just some of the ways I have found to cope with the affect therapy has and what you are experiencing is a normal part of therapy.
It is only natural if you have been through a terrible time that getting over the effects will at times be terrible too, go have a session and speak about how you feel it's the therapists job to help you through it and also to find ways of lessening these problems your having.
Your doing well and feeling how you should in successful therapy, it's not nice but worth it in the end!
One more thought I write poetry as well to help me and some people actually seem to like it! I found something I wrote about therapy recently in which I likened therapy to taking a bandage off a wound having a look at the wound and covering it back up, Ive also in other writing likened it to skimming stones on a pond as your mind doesn't want to trawl the depths of the pond, you are in a battle with you own mind and how it works, that is no easy feat and you are doing really well!
Put on a bit of rocky music before sessions!!!
Cat Dancer
MVP
I've been in therapy with the same therapist for over six years now. It seems like I've just recently started facing reality. I asked my therapist if I've been in therapy too long and he said "It takes as long as it takes." He said people come to therapy for all different reasons and sometimes it takes longer to heal. I want to trust him. I worry a lot about being in therapy for so long.
David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
You have a wise and competent therapist. 
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