• Quote of the Day
    "There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered."
    Nelson Mandela, posted by Daniel

Lost

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My therapist has been talking a lot about my distorted body image, and all that... Until recently I didn't know what she was talking about. I always believed - and I still do - that I see myself as exactly how I am. I don't see things distorted, but how they are. So yes, I wouldn't say I'm fat, but I would say that I'm not always 'in shape' and that when I binge on food my tummy sticks out terribly so I look pregnant... and when I binge over a longer period of time I start growing these bulges on my sides which I recently discovered are called 'hips'!! (Till I grew my own hips, I always thought that when people said 'hips' they meant 'thighs'...)
And when I've been binging on food, I feel bloated and full.. and fat... so I say that I feel fat, altho I'm aware that in general I'm still slim. I'm just not proportioned properly. I stay thin everywhere except around my midriff. Anyway thank god my body's more proportioned these days.

But the real reason why I posted is because I understand now - I think -what she means when she talks about having a distorted body image. I've noticed that I've been looking after myself more recently... Like usually I jump in the shower and use whatever's around and then jump out and onto the next thing.The past few days though, I bought some nice gels and stuff which will be ONLY FOR ME, and I've been using them, and, what's more, after the shower I've been applying creams and lotions... Even a few years ago when I was told I had slightly dry skin and should be using moisturising cream - I never bothered. Now I've been doing it almost every time. And it's not even like, in my mind I'm saying "ok, Lost, you really SHOULD be creaming yourself... you really OUGHT to start treating yourself more decently" But it's like - I WANT TO! And it's not a whole struggle, I don't even think about it much!

So I just thought I'd share that with you!

:)

yours sincerely-more-moisturized,

Lost
 
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Lost, I think that's really great. I think it's good when we decide to do something nice for ourselves. You deserve it. :)
 

Halo

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Congrats Lost. :) I am glad that you are taking the right steps to look after yourself. :D

Nancy
 

foghlaim

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well done lost on both counts, understanding what your therapist meant re distorted body image, and buying nice stuff just for you.. nice one!!

nsa
 

ThatLady

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Good for you, Lost! Being nice to yourself is important. Treat yourself as you would an honored guest. You'll be surprised how much better you'll feel. :)
 

Peanut

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Nice ;) Good for you! :D Sounds like you've made a lot of progress! :)
 

Holly

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Hi Lost,
That is wonderful news, take care of you! :)
You go girl! ;)
 

Lost

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Thanks so much, Holly, Toeless, Thatlady, NSA, Nancy and Janet! :D :) :D

You guys are GR8 supporters!

I hope I continue with this looking-after-me business... Now that I've drawn attention to it I'm scared it'll start backfiring. My enemy within and all that... :shocked:

Do you all do that sort of thing anyway (like moisturising after showers etc) or is there anyone who's also going thru s/th similar?
 

just mary

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I'm glad you're treating yourself nicely Lost, you truly deserve it.

You asked if anyone has a similar story and I guess I kind of do.

I had some bath gel that I was using but I had to get rid of it since it smelled like fruit (mango-peach to be exact), my partner hates anything that smells like fruit, he won't even eat fruit. The bath gel had been a gift since I never buy the stuff myself (it seems so expensive). I had liked it, it was nice to use in the evening before bed and I was a little ticked that I had to get rid of it. And since I never buy the stuff myself - I would have to wait until Christmas before I got anymore.

Anyway, I was at the grocery store and I saw this bath gel that I like (and it doesn't smell like fruit - it smells like Hawaian ginger) and I bought some for myself along with the lotion. I've never done that before, it was like suddenly I wanted to do something for me, it seemed decadent and silly but I didn't care, it was one small thing. And I was so glad I bought it. The next time I was at the store it was on sale so I bought 3 more bottles of it. I don't use it everyday but it's so nice to have.

I think I know what you mean about taking the time to care about yourself. Sometimes I neglect myself or my body because I dislike it, sometimes when I'm aware of my body - I think too much about the flaws and I feel bad. I think it takes practice to get past those thoughts. And maybe being nice to yourself helps in some way. Maybe if you treat your body kindly, you start to think that it's not so bad, that it must being doing something well to receive all this kindness.

And my partner hasn't even said anything, I've left it right out in the open so he knows I bought it. He's a little cheap and has a hard time spending a lot of money on bathroom stuff, for example, he spends $4.00 for four litres of shampoo. But this isn't about him.

Anyway Lost, it's good to hear that you're doing better and making changes. Good job, I'm very, very happy for you. :)

Take care,
 

Lost

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Just Mary,

to stop the joking around and get back to the subject:

thanks so much for posting. Good for you for getting that Hawaian Ginger! Yes we do deserve it... and yes, we will feel better for making an effort to look after ourselves.

When I do put on moisturizer, I find myself studying myself in the mirror, and this is really where I see the change in the way I regard my body. I used to just look with disgust at the few little things here and there that bugged me... like I always hated my feet, and certain other body parts... Now I think I'm looking more at the general picture, I see that yes, there are bits that could be better, and I still don't like the parts that I don't like, but now I see that there are other wonderful attractive parts of me too, and I try to focus more on the good. In fact I'm not even trying, thank god it just seems to be happening. I'm sure this is all thanks to my therapist.

It must be hard for you, though, having a husband who's cheap like that... But maybe if he sees you're taking care of yourself and feeling better about yourself, he'll appreciate that you're doing something good!

My husband is actually really enjoying my new interest in all things greasy... ! he actually went and bought something to try out on me... and it's really greatly enhancing and adding new dimensions to our private lives!
 

Peanut

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Lost said:
I hope I continue with this looking-after-me business... Now that I've drawn attention to it I'm scared it'll start backfiring. My enemy within and all that...
:) I can relate to that a lot!
Do you all do that sort of thing anyway (like moisturising after showers etc) or is there anyone who's also going thru s/th similar?
You know, I don't do that kind of stuff because it's not relaxing for me because it takes a long time, but I think that it's absolutely great that it is something that you like. I am jealous that you found something that is good for you that is relaxing! Way to go! :)

Not me. But I wear contact lenses and I'm always worried about getting oils on them and ruining the lenses.
I'm not sure if you're joking or not but that is very true for me. I don't wear makeup or anything partially because of not wanting to get things in my contacts (and partially because it takes so long). If you get oil on them (like make up remover or something) it can make them really cloudy.
It must be hard for you, though, having a husband who's cheap like that
LOL--Lost, is your husband not cheap? And if so does he have any single brothers? ;)

Anyway Lost, as I said, I think it is GREAT that are doing some good things for yourself! :)
 

Lost

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Hey Toeless,

Why do you have no patience for yourself?!? Just because s/th takes time, if it makes you feel better it may be worth it! Btw unless you happen to be err... exceedingly heavy, with a lot of surface area to cover, moisturizing your body doesn't have to take longer than 2 minutes!

Now that I'm so proud that I'm actually taking the time to do s/th for ME I just want to sing it from the treetops, and tell everyone i meet, "Look after yourself! Moisturize yourself! You'll feel better for it!!" :D :D :D :D :D
Especially because I used to be so proud of the fact that I never bothered to take much care of myself, and I can see such a radical difference in me that I'm proud of doing the exact opposite thing.

But I know you exercise, so that's doing s/th for yourself which also takes time, so I suppose you do look after yourself in some ways!

Just Mary, thanks for giving me credit saying I'm doing some of the work too. I suppose if you look at it that way you could say I'm doing some of the work. I am seeing my therapist twice a week and paying a fortune for it. But what amazed me is, sometimes I do things that I feel I ought to do and it feels like a struggle. Like tearing myself away from the computer when it's the most ridiculous time at night, and I know I need sleep, yet I'm addicted to the computer (- and s/t this website!) So that's always a struggle, "come on lost, you're gonna be exhausted tomorrow, just turn the thing off and go to bed" and I can really feel the battle raging within me. Or like when I'm prowling the kitchen on the lookout for anything to eat, and I've eaten so much already I feel bloated, yet I'm still looking for food... and it's such a struggle inside me, to leave the kitchen and get away from food.

But this is something where there isn't even a struggle! That's why I feel lucky that it's just come to me, coz there are no internal battles raging... it's just sort of happening...
 

Peanut

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Why do you have no patience for yourself?!? Just because s/th takes time, if it makes you feel better it may be worth it! Btw unless you happen to be err... exceedingly heavy, with a lot of surface area to cover, moisturizing your body doesn't have to take longer than 2 minutes
:) Yea, actually I do use lotion after showers and it does only take a couple of seconds but I won't like sit in the bath or anything because that takes so long.

Now that I'm so proud that I'm actually taking the time to do s/th for ME I just want to sing it from the treetops, and tell everyone i meet, "Look after yourself! Moisturize yourself! You'll feel better for it!!"
That is so great :) :) :)
But I know you exercise, so that's doing s/th for yourself which also takes time, so I suppose you do look after yourself in some ways!
Ummmmm....yea.... :blank: :red: I quit that again :eek:

I am seeing my therapist twice a week and paying a fortune for it.
That's cool that you get to go twice a week! How did you swing that?! Right now my psychologist is gone for the rest of the month....plenty of time for me to get myself into all kinds of trouble ;) Twice a week would be kind of expensive but well worth it, I'm sure! It's probably nice though, I bet she remembers things better seeing you that often.I don't know if I could handle it though--I used to think that 45/55 minutes once a week was too short but now I'm SO ready to go by the time it's over!

Talk to you later ;)
:)
 

just mary

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Hi Lost,

But what amazed me is, sometimes I do things that I feel I ought to do and it feels like a struggle. Like tearing myself away from the computer when it's the most ridiculous time at night, and I know I need sleep, yet I'm addicted to the computer (- and s/t this website!) So that's always a struggle, "come on lost, you're gonna be exhausted tomorrow, just turn the thing off and go to bed" and I can really feel the battle raging within me.

:roll: Yea, I know how that feels. For me it's instant gratification that I crave, I find it hard to see past the present moment. For example, I know if I go to bed early - I'll wake up rested, but I'll have missed so much during the night. It's difficult. That's why I chose the quote below my signature, to me it says to focus on those small steps - don't look too far ahead but don't give up either.

Toeless said:
I won't like sit in the bath or anything because that takes so long.

LOL, neither will I! I always get restless leg syndrome when I sit in the bath. ;)

Take care,
 

Peanut

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For example, I know if I go to bed early - I'll wake up rested, but I'll have missed so much during the night. It's difficult.
That is exactly how I feel too!!!! EXACTLY!!

I always get restless leg syndrome when I sit in the bath
I started to wonder if I had restless leg syndrome for a while after I read about it on here not too long ago :eek: :eek: :eek:
 

Lost

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I suppose you could call it a turning point, when some time last September (I think it was) I met my current therapist for the first time. And after seeing several others on and off before her, I didn't have any hope that she'd be any better... But boy was I wrong! From the first session I knew that here was a brilliant, wise, wise woman... and then I had my birthday... and turned twenty-something which just gave me such a shock... like from 25 it's only another 25 years till you're a middle-aged woman... and it really shocked me into reality, my mortality... what was I doing with my life.. etc... I found 2 pure white hairs on my head some time after that too... a whole load of things happened then which gave me a big reality awakening.

And once I realised that here was someone for the first time in my life, someone whom I could look up to and respect, I just couldn't get enough of her. At first we went for couple councelling... then on my suggestion, I started seeing her on my own too... I felt so desparate to heal myself, and be able to overcome all the obstacles, and get out of depression and e/th else, I wanted to see her 3 times a week... but she said that if we did that I wouldn't have lasted with her. so it's been twice a week. Once with my husband, and once alone.

so... yeah... that's my story. can't remember now why on earth I just posted all that but the phone keeps on ringing and interrupting me (I can't bear interruptions!) so I'm gonna go...
 

just mary

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That's a great story Lost. It sounds like you had a turning point in your life, that you realized just how important and how brief life is. I'm so glad that you found someone you (and your husband) can talk too.

BTW was it difficult to get your husband to go? Does he willingly go now? This might be too personal and you don't have to respond, but do you ever talk with your therapist about your couples counselling during your individual counselling?? Does your husband get individual counselling also??

What I'm trying to get at (I think) is "does your husband ever feel jealous over your individual appointments or that he's being tag teamed by you and the therapist?"

Thanks Lost and take care,
 

Lost

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Thanks Just Mary.

My husband knew that I'd been miserable, and pretty hopeless about our marriage for a long time.
At that turning point, I was finally aware enough to look at my life and think: do I want to spend the rest of my life in this miserable marriage just for the children? do I want to get divorced? or is there a chance that things could get better? What SHOULD I be doing? what's the best thing for me?

We never really tried anything beforehand to improve our marriage. So of course it made sense that before throwing it away, we actually TRIED to make it work.
I explained to him that if we're going to really try and make it work, we have to both commit to trying to make it work. Takes 2 to tango.
And I suppose either he really loves me deep down and doesn't want to loose me, or he was scared enough at the prospect of divorce to actually come to weekly sessions! (it was probably a combination of both.)

He initially came to sessions thinking that he'd just humor me, and really not much would happen - but this therapist is a miracle worker, I tell you. She's really really helped transform many aspects in our marriage. Just by reducing my anxiety, so many things have changed for the better. She's also brought him out quite a bit. He also likes going now because it's an opportunity for him to air things out - which he wouldn't ordinarily have done.

And about tag-teaming - its not like that at all. I've actually been pushing him to go see her on his own for a long time - but he keeps on refusing. He doesn't want to go see her on his own.
And when it's just me and her, we talk about my history, the deeper reasons why I do what I do... or more recently my body image... my sexuality... the way I dress... my erratic sleeping schedule... the way I am with other people... my mood changes... why I eat the way I do... my own inner enemy... What I'm achieving, and how much more I could be achieving... All the kind of stuff that my husband is actually not that interested in.

I mean, he sometimes sees me when I'm pigging out, and he's totally baffled... he can't begin to comprehend why I s/t behave that way... and he's just happy that I've finally found someone who can really help.

Any time that I might bring up a point from our couples councelling session, she'll either go into it in a way that's personal just for me, or she'll say "that might be something good to talk about together with ur husband".

I also worried at first that he may think we'd be conspiring together, and saying things 'behind his back' but it's not like that at all, and we both see that.
 

foghlaim

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hi Lost, sounds to me like you (and hubby) have a brilliant therapist... i'm delighted for ye both.
and for you especially.. you sound so upbeat about your therapist it's great.

i hope things work out for you, and you &hubby.

all the best.
nsa
 

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