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stargazer

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Periodically I have experiences that I have come to associate with mania. However, I don't put much stock in my own self-analysis based on my own self-observation. And though my friends also cue me in to when they feel my behavior is "manic," my friends are not diagnosticians, and they're pretty much in the same ballpark as I'm in, when it comes to recognizing mental health conditions.

Specifically, I fairly frequently have an experience of being unusually hyped up, almost uncontrollably, and in that state I often become very scattered, losing focus on what it is I'm trying to do at the moment. My thoughts at those times tend not to focus on the moment, but rather I become "in my head," usually with euphoric ideas about good things that might happen. At those times there is an intense belief that the good things that might happen are, on some level, already happening. My perception begins to confuse fantasy with reality.

Usually, I can catch myself, take a breath, and "come down." But I wonder if what I am describing is really "mania," or if, in the years that have passed since my single documented manic episode, my impression as to what constitutes mania has become blurred.
 

stargazer

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I meant to add: if I can get a handle on the difference between mania and hypomania, it would be helpful. I tend to think of "mania" as including psychotic symptoms not present in "hypomania," symptoms such as paranoia or an extreme level of delusion. Is this the case?

My friends, anyway, usually only use the word "mania," but that may be because the word "hypomania" is not so much a part of the common vocabulary. In any case, I would guess that what I've been describing is more hypomanic, than manic.
 

ddHopes

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Hello Sg, Pardon me for jumping in.........I am bipolar 1. I stay in a hypo or manic state most of the time.

Hypo is pretty much what you describe as David had said. Mania for me anyway is an abundant amount of thinking, racing thoughts, very little need for sleep, taking on ventures that I shouldn't,and spending alot of money , rambling in speech. When it gets very bad, usually from lack of sleep :yikes:, (lack in diet and exercise add to this) I experience episodes of psychosis. I have auditory and visual hallucinations along with paranoia. This is an extreme episode tho.

I try to journal my bipolar on a scale eachday 1-10.

I have few episodes of depression but when I do they are horrific, since I am so used to the mania.

Hypo for the bipolar 1 is almost a leveled out stage. It is very euphoric and full of grandiosity ( we think we know it all. :roll:).

I hope this helps from my perspective. Maybe you can relate to this?
I am on trileptal and alprazolam, as stress is another big factor in setting off the mania. Trileptal helps combat aggitation and levels me out some. Most meds I've taken have taken away my personality all together, and made me numb.

dd, 7
 

stargazer

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My diagnosis is also bipolar one--or at least it has been, when I was most recently diagnosed. I had one major manic episode including grandiosity, religiosity, paranoia, spending sprees, loss of interest in food and sleep, sexual binges, work binges, etc. That was a couple years ago. Since then I believe I've had hypomanic episodes, but nothing nearly as intense or damaging as the first manic episode. I also have had a couple depressive episodes, maybe three, but more commonly I'm hypomanic, and depressed relatively infrequently.

I'm coming out of a serious depressive episode now though, and starting to put it in perspective. I feel pretty good these days, only drained. I'm taking ten days for increased self-care and self-examination before going back to work. (I came to this decision earlier this evening.)
 

Halo

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I'm taking ten days for increased self-care and self-examination before going back to work. (I came to this decision earlier this evening.)

SG, I think that what you said is a great idea and self-care is never a bad thing...glad that you decided on that before returning to work.

Take care
 

ddHopes

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We sound alot alike in our mood changes.

I'm new here, and didn't know about your dx. I am so glad you are out of your depression. :p, they are the pits for me. But I always say "This too shall pass" and it does, huh?

I hope to get to know you better, and wish you all the luck in the world in your time off and healing after this. If nothing else I always try to look at the bright side of bipolar, the creative side. Do you write.......or enjoy any hobbies that you cling to in times of your mania? I have to stay busy and express my energy as postitively as I can........and when I want to spend, I garage sale it ;), when I'm able.

Take good care, and hope to hear from you again. People here are so nice
.
 

stargazer

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People here are very nice, yes, and welcome to the forums. Well, I'm a musician and I wrote a lot of music. Recently I wrote a musical play and there's a link to the web site on my signature. Some of my tunes are uploaded onto the site, although it may be taken down at any minute because I'm late with the fees. I also however will e-mail the script and audio files to anyone who's interested in that kind of thing and has some time on their hands. Otherwise, I write serious classical music and a lot of bad poetry.
 

ddHopes

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Oh Thank you!

I'm gonna check it out. My husband is a musician too, but not classical, unless you consider classical rock? ;)

That is awesome, I can't wait to hear it.
I knew you'd have a talent.
Thanks again for sharing.

Hope to talk to you soon. dd
,6
 

stargazer

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Pretty sure it's still up, last I checked. I was going to pay the fees today, along with the $50 late fee, but then I lost my cell phone & it was a priority to replace it.
 

ddHopes

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stargazer said:
I lost my cell phone & it was a priority to replace it.

OH NO!!! I take it you called it??? that is a bummer :shocked:

Yes, it's still up and my I say you are a beautiful composer and pianist. I am so impressed. Thank you for sharing that, plus it relaxed me.


dd, 6
 

stargazer

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Well, thank you for the compliment! That makes my day. I've been sitting here in an old haunt waiting for my old friend Bruce to show up, whom I haven't seen in two years, and who once told me, "There's something depressing about a guy who starts a creative project and never finishes it." I've been dying to show him that I finally finished it!

They say he still comes in (to this cafe) every day, but no one's seen him, and I've been here for about six hours now.

(Yes, I called the phone several times to endless ringing. Obviously, they stole it and are calling, but not answering.)
 

ddHopes

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Calling for Bruce

BRUCE WHERE ARE YOU?


I have to admit that is a peeve of mine. Waiting. I hope he shows up cause you have alot of really talented stuff to show him.

I'm proud of you for finishing it. I do that alot, start books and have brain lock. I have one I am most proud of , but it is a horror novel, and I suppose it's good cause it scares when I write it and I got running to bed. LOL.

Did you stop service on your phone? Or look it up online to get the calls made out from it? It shouldn't be hard to find the criminal thru your records online.

have a great night. I'm up watching "Ghost story". dd, 6
 

stargazer

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I don't think Metro PCS has an online service--these are cheap no-contract phones that give you the first month for free, so all that's going to happen is that whoever nabbed the phone will make a few more calls and then either have to pay or have the service cut off. When I went to the Metro dealer and bought the replacement phone, they agreed there's no point in pursuing it. (It's also flat rate, so no one's getting charged for minutes.)

I'm writing a novel now too, and I think what's best is just to finish a rough draft, even knowing parts of it might be far below your standard, and then slowly look at it and make adjustments. I might even finish the rough draft today, even though I know that a lot of it is going to change radically later, in some way as I don't know how.

Curious if Bruce happens to be out of town--they said he still comes in every single day, but hasn't been here either today or yesterday. Hmmm....I could leave my hard copy with him, and get a new one later I guess.
 

ddHopes

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:DWell I'm glad to hear about the phone. I really don't like thieves.

Now you've inspired me. I have a draft and the first two chapters written and know how it will end and the plot, just having a hard time with filler.

Thanks for writing back, always good to hear from ya. And yeah, maybe you could leave a draft, does he have internet?

ttyl, dd7
 

stargazer

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I don't think Bruce uses the Internet, or at least he didn't last I heard. But I ran into a mutual friend, the lawyer John, who had me send the pdf files to his own e-mail. He said he would print it out & give it to Bruce next time he runs into him.

I thought things over, and decided to return to the cafe during the evening. Can't get enough of a good thing, I guess. Maybe Bruce will return at some point. No one seems to know where he is, for some reason. But I know he'll be teaching on Monday, so he's bound to come back soon. I might as well stick around for another day or so.

This will give me time to work on the rest of the Flute Sonata--I need to get the 1st movement onto Finale & start working on the 3rd movement. Also, I might as well keep plugging through the rough draft of the novel.

My current plan is start dealing with reality by Tuesday.
 

ddHopes

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stargazer said:
My current plan is start dealing with reality by Tuesday.

Sounds like a plan.
:D

Sounds like you're doing a good job now, but if you mean inthe 3-D world off the internet, I understand that. And if we don't get a chance to talk for awhile I will know you are working hard on you ,and that is what is important to all of us, I'm sure.
I needed to start yesterday :lol:

I wish you all the luck in the world. Enjoy life, and enjoy being you.

:goodjob:
dd, 5
 

stargazer

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Guess who finally came in? Bruce! (As I live and breathe.) So I was able to finally know the gratification of presenting him with the completed script & score. He also listened to one of my songs with headphones and I believe he realizes that I have produced a decent product.

We talked a little about the bipolar. He said everyone could tell I was totally disoriented last time I was here, in May of 2004, though they didn't know the diagnosis. That's why the owner had wanted to drive me to SF General, and I got scared and ran out. He also confirmed for me that the types of things I was saying and doing at the time bore no relationship whatsoever to the reality around me.

Pretty scary stuff. I'm still trying to figure out what triggered it, and he suspects it had something to do with my Mom dying, which I guess must be the case. Even now, while somewhat depressed, I am thankful that I'm not like I was then.

So it's nice to be back, however temporarily, because everyone is validating for me that I am better now.
 

David Baxter

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That's a great validation of how far you've come, SG, even if you have had more than your share of setbacks along the way. :)
 

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