Just so angry

[Angry Me]

I harbor alot of anger and I just don't know how to handle it! I need to get past it and nothing seems to help. I'm feeling so alone and overwhelmed right now!

Where it stems from:
* ex Husand irritates my soul - he cheated on me but I didn't find out for sure until after everything was final; and it was with a friend
* he told me that he never really loved me and married me out of convenience - I now know that except for the fact that I have my children, those 17 years were wasted and miserable with me being the only one trying to work on it - now I know why
* I'm in a relationship that I shouldn't be in and it makes me angry because I'm doing exactly what angers me so much about my ex husband!!!!! What am I doing??? Saying that I love him and he loves me does not justify it but I can't seem to break free
* I am here alone because of my choices; meanwhile, ex husband and his girlfriend are off with my kids doing the things that I used to beg him to do with us

Miserable and lonely with seemingly nowhere to turn[/quote]

 

[Cat Dancer]

First of all, welcome.

I am sorry for all those things that you have gone through. I'm not good at giving advice, but you could look HERE for some help.

Janet

 

[Angry Me]

Just So Angry

Thanks for the link to the resources. There are a couple of books I think I will try!

 

[Cat Dancer]

Here's a post that might help:

Breathing techniques

I know it's for stress, but anger IS stressful.

I can relate to the anger in some ways. There is someone in my life that I am very angry at. He hurt me very badly a couple of years ago and I just feel so angry toward him sometimes. When I think of him I am trying to concentrate on my breathing. It does help. Also, and I know this is very hard, I am trying to forgive. It's a process and I don't think he deserves it, but the forgiveness is for ME so that I can be at peace about this. I think in your case that might be harder because having kids together forces you to have to deal with him and what your ex-husband did was very, very hurtful.

Also, some counseling, if you haven't done that, would be beneficial.

Do you do things for yourself? Fun things? Things that make you happy? I think that would be good too. Kind of a "living well is the best revenge" thing.

Janet

 

[Angry Me]

The funny thing is, when we first split and I did suspect they had something going, I was ready to forgive and let go. But that was when I was still depressed. Now I'm just angry - the more I realize what they did the more angry I get!

I have been in counseling before but with my previous job they had stopped paying. Now that I have started my new one and the benefits have kicked in, I have a list of counselors that I can go see. I see a psychiatrist for management of my antidepressants but not for counseling. I sent him a message asking him to look over the list and refer me to one who may specialize in anger management.

As far as things for myself - not really. My ex was very controlling over who I had as friends - they were usually just the wives of his friends - none of whom I was close to. Two women I had gotten close each moved as I really started feeling like we had a good relationship. I still keep in touch with both via phone and email but not the same. Because I worked out of town so much, I didn't nurture any of the friendships that I did have and those that I still do are with women who are married so not free to hang out with a divorced woman - at least not to go out just the girls to socialize. I'm having real trust issues since the one person I was allowing myself to get close to ended up being after my husband and not my friendship. Its hard for me now to find friends; to meet new people that I can have fun with and be me with; to do things with when my kids are with their dad. I don't want to get romantically involved but its not the normal guy who would call back if on the first date I preface it by saying "I don't want a romantic or physical relationship. Do you mind just being my buddy?" I AM going on a cruise with just girlfriends next month so that should be fun and different. Maybe I'll meet someone eventually who will help me get over the love of my life so that I can have a normal life again! (FYI - the guy I'm involved with was my high school sweetheart and we never got over each other). Besides, everything I try to do fun with the kids, my ex husband decides is the fun thing to do to so he does it with them the next time he has them. I HATE him for that...he and his girlfriend do all of the things with them that I used to beg him to do with us and he said were stupid. Well, I guess I just have to get over it and get used to it because he's not going to change....he'll always be an AH bastard!