just want to be normal

[Ashley-Kate]

Hello,
once again i turn to you for your insight on my situation.. I am presently in a state that i don't quite understand my life is no longuer existant i live to starve.... i wake up only to restart my rootine of exercising compulsivly ..I can't stop?? i spend my sleepless nights on a treadmill for hours none stop my legs are in pain but i just can't stop. I am numd to everything around me happyness and pain no longuer phase me I am dead to it all and just dream of living once again am i going crazy is my dream impossible to atain i am lost in all of this and don't know what to do ... poeple stare now but don't say a thing they all know that i am anorexic but don't bother to question me anmore ... What can i do to help myself feel again to stop overexercising to start eating again without anyguilt??
yours trully
ashley

 

[Ashley-Kate]

Hello,
once again i turn to you for your insight on my situation.. I am presently in a state that i don't quite understand my life is no longuer existant i live to starve.... i wake up only to restart my rootine of exercising compulsivly ..I can't stop?? i spend my sleepless nights on a treadmill for hours none stop my legs are in pain but i just can't stop. I am numd to everything around me happyness and pain no longuer phase me I am dead to it all and just dream of living once again am i going crazy is my dream impossible to atain i am lost in all of this and don't know what to do ... poeple stare now but don't say a thing they all know that i am anorexic but don't bother to question me anmore ... What can i do to help myself feel again to stop overexercising to start eating again without anyguilt??
yours trully
ashley

 

[Diana]

Sweetie, you have to get out of the house you are living in right now. What's going on around you is forcing you to not want to feel. It's driving you to not want to deal with what's going on. You deserve to feel safe and to be in an environment where there is no need to hide your feelings. Don't forget that you are still alive, and that you want to feel alive again. Don't deprive yourself of this.

 

[Diana]

Sweetie, you have to get out of the house you are living in right now. What's going on around you is forcing you to not want to feel. It's driving you to not want to deal with what's going on. You deserve to feel safe and to be in an environment where there is no need to hide your feelings. Don't forget that you are still alive, and that you want to feel alive again. Don't deprive yourself of this.

 

[Ashley-Kate]

fear

Hello again
My fear of feeling once again is also very intense cause I am afraid that i won't be able to take it cause right now all i am getting is constant insults and orders and well i don't know if i want to feel the emotion that goes with it is that so rong????
ashley

 

[Ashley-Kate]

fear

Hello again
My fear of feeling once again is also very intense cause I am afraid that i won't be able to take it cause right now all i am getting is constant insults and orders and well i don't know if i want to feel the emotion that goes with it is that so rong????
ashley

 

[Diana]

It's not wrong to not want to feel insulted, so you have to try and get yourself out of the situation you're in. Right now, I'm afraid that if you stay, you will either have horrible feelings or really hurt yourself in an attemp to not feel at all. You owe it to yourself to take yourself out of an environment that is so harmful. I'm sorry about your father, and I know you said that he's sick. However, as an adult he could have tried to change his behaviour in the past so that he wouldn't hurt you so much. How are you going to be of any help to him anyway if you're constantly on the treadmill getting no sleep and being pushed into apathy? Couldn't you talk to your mother now, or something?

 

[Diana]

It's not wrong to not want to feel insulted, so you have to try and get yourself out of the situation you're in. Right now, I'm afraid that if you stay, you will either have horrible feelings or really hurt yourself in an attemp to not feel at all. You owe it to yourself to take yourself out of an environment that is so harmful. I'm sorry about your father, and I know you said that he's sick. However, as an adult he could have tried to change his behaviour in the past so that he wouldn't hurt you so much. How are you going to be of any help to him anyway if you're constantly on the treadmill getting no sleep and being pushed into apathy? Couldn't you talk to your mother now, or something?

 

[katelynw]

ashley-
i just want to tell you that your a great person and you dont deserve what your doing to yourself. you deserve to have feelings, from happiness to sadness. i agree that maybe you should leave your dads house. maybe it would be easier for you to get better that way. i dont know though. i hope you get yourself some help cuz i dont want anything bad to happen to you.
katelyn

 

[katelynw]

ashley-
i just want to tell you that your a great person and you dont deserve what your doing to yourself. you deserve to have feelings, from happiness to sadness. i agree that maybe you should leave your dads house. maybe it would be easier for you to get better that way. i dont know though. i hope you get yourself some help cuz i dont want anything bad to happen to you.
katelyn

 

[Ashley-Kate]

yeah !!!

Hello sure I understand very well were you girls are comming from but the thing is I can't leave were I am at now and even at that I feel pretty much the same at my mothers I have felt this way for a couple of weeks now and well i think it may be result of my anorexia or bulimia the fact that instead of feeling I hurt myself .. i wish i ocudl leave but then I would not have the security of finding someone that I know to sort of watch over me or that I can watch over i need that or then I have no true reason to live I live to watch and help others it's my life
ashley

 

[Ashley-Kate]

yeah !!!

Hello sure I understand very well were you girls are comming from but the thing is I can't leave were I am at now and even at that I feel pretty much the same at my mothers I have felt this way for a couple of weeks now and well i think it may be result of my anorexia or bulimia the fact that instead of feeling I hurt myself .. i wish i ocudl leave but then I would not have the security of finding someone that I know to sort of watch over me or that I can watch over i need that or then I have no true reason to live I live to watch and help others it's my life
ashley

 

[Diana]

Why do you feel the same way at your mother's house?

 

[Diana]

Why do you feel the same way at your mother's house?

 

[Ashley-Kate]

i am not sure

hello,
well i really don't know ever since I was about 11 i never was able to feel at ease anywere i went i was never comfortable and feered everyone i always was sure someone was out to get me to hurt me and to protect myself from that i would eigther not eat causing myself pain purge or cut myself so i ave live like that for about 6 years now it is all i know
ashley

 

[Ashley-Kate]

i am not sure

hello,
well i really don't know ever since I was about 11 i never was able to feel at ease anywere i went i was never comfortable and feered everyone i always was sure someone was out to get me to hurt me and to protect myself from that i would eigther not eat causing myself pain purge or cut myself so i ave live like that for about 6 years now it is all i know
ashley

 

[Diana]

Do you have any idea as to what may have caused you to start feeling this way? Your father's behaviour? Your mother's behaviour? Stuff happening outside your home?
Sorry for so many questions. I'm just trying to see, or help you to see if there's somewhere that you could be more comfortable or feel more safe.
I'm sure there are many possible causes, but do any stick out in your mind?

 

[Diana]

Do you have any idea as to what may have caused you to start feeling this way? Your father's behaviour? Your mother's behaviour? Stuff happening outside your home?
Sorry for so many questions. I'm just trying to see, or help you to see if there's somewhere that you could be more comfortable or feel more safe.
I'm sure there are many possible causes, but do any stick out in your mind?

 

[Ashley-Kate]

hello

helo diana the things tat stick out more are the things i refuse to say cause by saying it i am then agnolidging that it is true and it happened and I prefer not it is in my past and it will probably stay there for another couple of years.. I have decided that resoning to the fact that i am quite reluctant to many of your responses on the quetsion i ask about a life without anorexia that i am maybe not quite ready to go down that road jut yet I am not quite ready to give up on this being that has helped me deal with lifes obsatcles so there it is ym resigning to any help sory i tried but to me it seems like betrayal to my unexistant but very present other life other personnality.. I am not ashley -kate i am anorexia no i will never promot it case that is just rong but if I put her down it only causes me an addtionnal pain so well I thank you all fro your help but well if i am not ready than it is sort of usless ...sorryy david for my reluctance sorry all of you your help will come of use when the day comes tht i am trully over my anorxia
so long and good-bye
ashley-kate

 

[Ashley-Kate]

hello

helo diana the things tat stick out more are the things i refuse to say cause by saying it i am then agnolidging that it is true and it happened and I prefer not it is in my past and it will probably stay there for another couple of years.. I have decided that resoning to the fact that i am quite reluctant to many of your responses on the quetsion i ask about a life without anorexia that i am maybe not quite ready to go down that road jut yet I am not quite ready to give up on this being that has helped me deal with lifes obsatcles so there it is ym resigning to any help sory i tried but to me it seems like betrayal to my unexistant but very present other life other personnality.. I am not ashley -kate i am anorexia no i will never promot it case that is just rong but if I put her down it only causes me an addtionnal pain so well I thank you all fro your help but well if i am not ready than it is sort of usless ...sorryy david for my reluctance sorry all of you your help will come of use when the day comes tht i am trully over my anorxia
so long and good-bye
ashley-kate