I have been thinking about the possibility of death, what would happen if I accidentally trip and fall off the balcony. I know it's selfish. My family would be devastated but they would also be better off when I'm not here. I can't stand thinking about the future. I don't want to think about what my life would be like in a year, in 2 years. I don't even want to be here after a year. I can't stand how life is good for some people and they love life when all I can think about is to dissappear.