Little girls don't cry

[Ashley-Kate]

[edited out: potentially triggering details concerning Ashley being raped by someone named Danny at age 11]...mommy doesn't seem to worry as her daughter comes in the house bruised up she actually looks at me frustrated again i went and got all dirty and mom doesn't like that. her little girl must be clean. than the next day starts over the same rootine hoping for it to go by faster hoping to feel dead to not exist .. but yet i am only 11.

now i am 18 going on 19 and i feel the same the intense desire to leave this world to shut out my life because i am still dirty and momy will not be happy no one will every like me cause i am dirty i feel like an infant talking so stupid so childish i am just so lost when it comes to love to what i really deserve cause what is love what do i deserve do i deserve to be hurt because danny says so or not because strangers tel me it was not okay , even i say it is not okay but not when it comes to me cause danny was a good boy he would not have hurt me had he no reason to do so.
yours trully ashley

 

[Daniel E.]

now i am 18 going on 19 and i feel the same the intense desire to leave this world to shut out my life because i am still dirty and momy will not be happy no one will every like me

The last part I put in bold because that's a common feeling that a lot of people have. But it's important to recognize that that's just a feeling -- usually due to something like learned hopelessness or problems with having positive self-regard -- not a reality.

cause danny was a good boy he would not have hurt me had he no reason to do so.

Of course, no one deserves to be raped. Rapists are usually personally known by their victims, and the rapist takes advantage of that.

 

[ginkgo]

There are many terrible things that happen to children that effect them when they get older. But there are practices that people can do to heal all of it so they can feel better. But one does not need to stop there. They can work toward a state of enlightenment where they can feel perfect peace and limitless happiness. So they do not have a choice in what happened to them, but they do have a choice of what they do about it. "Even your darkest hour, I do not abandon you." Source-- unknown.