Mad at myself for being anxious in social situations

[moonriver]

Thanks you guys, it is very slow going but at least its a start. I apprecie you help, its taken awhile for it to sink in but I think its starting to

 

[moonriver]

Hi Everyone, I was hoping for some suggestions as I am a little worried about something. I have been much more social since I joined this post, but I am worried I got so focused on improving this problem that I have some how affected my mind, or maybe I have another problem I am not aware of. I went to see a therapist to help me with my social anxiety. I went on and off. I no longer go and have not for many many months now. Ever since I left, I have conversations with my self in my mind as though I am still talking to the therapist. At first it was ok, it was actually helpful to have that encouraging viewpoint but now it has become annoying and kind of scary. I am always having these conversations in my head. I mean I know they arent real, but I think all the time now in terms of talking to a third party. Its not like hearing voices because its totally something I make up, but the thing is I cant stop doing it, its becoming consuming to the point of exhausting. Why did this happen? Did I make myself worse by overfocusing on my problem and now I have some sort of obession? How can I get rid of this?

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Having internal conversations isn't necessarily a bad thing, moonriver. It can often be a form of self-coaching.

You say that at first it was helpful and encouraging but "now it has become annoying and kind of scary".

What's scary or annoying about it? What has changed for you?

 

[moonriver]

Its scary because I cant stop it anymore, its like having a neutral thought trapped in my brain, it isnt a worry, I wouldnt call it a rumination because it isnt over the past, its like now I constantly am having inner dialogue with the therapist or pretending to talk to the therapist in my mind all the time. Its so time consuming and very distracting, I cant focus on what I am doing because this inner dialogue is on all the time now. Its like a leaky tap I cant shut off, but its my brain talking.

Its strange because its not like I have feelings for the therapist or am going to go all fatal attraction, I really dont have any interest in going back there again because it might make the problem worse, in fact I wish the therapist would get out of my head.

Dont get me wrong, I have a ton of respect for the help I was given, do you think this has something to do with my social anxiety, am I trying to make fimaginary friendships with people in my mind or something? Is that why I am doing this?

Am I going crazy here, how do I get rid of this problem....the only thing keeping me sane is knowing it could be worse, at least I dont have Dr Phil giving me advice in my head, that would really push me over the deep end.

Any ideas at all why i would suddenly get a problem like this?

 

[David Baxter PhD]

do you think this has something to do with my social anxiety, am I trying to make fimaginary friendships with people in my mind or something? Is that why I am doing this?

It may well be related to social anxiety but I don't think it's a direct result of that. To be honest, it sounds more like an obsessive-compulsive disorder symptom or tendency. You might have a look at some of the information in the OCD forum here and see if anything resonates.

Any ideas at all why i would suddenly get a problem like this?

Actually, from the way you've described it, it doesn't sound all that sudden - more a gradual onset with gradual worsening, especially once you started to worry about it.

I would recommend that you see someone qualified to evaluate you for OCD or other anxiety disorders. There are lots of ways for you to better manage or control such symptoms, including medications and cognitive-behavioral strategies.

 

[moonriver]

Thanks for your opinions, its just that from what I read the people with OCD are worried about something happening or they are trying to prevent something from occuring by performing repetitive acts. I dont feel worried about germs, about losing my mind or of checking to see if my stove is off or something or stepping on cracks.

Is that a criteria of OCD, having a worry like that? I am talking to someone constantly to tell them what I think in my head, is that really a worry and if not does this mean I dont have it? I am worried about having the conversations in my head, but not of any feared event. Does that mean I dont have OCD? Could it be something else?

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Obsessive, repetitive, intrusive thoughts without specific compulsions can be a symptom of OCD.

I'm not giving you a diagnosis, by the way. I don't do that online. I don't know whether or not you meet the criteria for OCD - I'm merely saying that it's possible. And I'm suggesting that you make an appointment to see someone who is qualified to give you a diagnosis and suggest what you might be able to do about your concerns.

 

[moonriver]

Sorry Dr. Baxter, I didnt mean to imply that you had diagnosed me, I know you dont do that, I guess I dont understand what OCD really is, I didnt know it could apply to things like what I am thinking about. If it does, pieces are starting to come together. Thanks so much for your suggestions by the way, despite this other problem your forum helped so much with my social anxiety.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I didnt mean to imply that you had diagnosed me

You didn't. I just wanted to clarify for the benefit of anyone reading this as well as to make sure you understood that I wasn't ruling or discounting out other possibilities, or even suggesting that other diagnosies are less likely.

From DSM-IV-TR:

Diagnostic criteria for 300.3 Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder

A. Either obsessions or compulsions:

Obsessions as defined by (1), (2), (3), and (4):

(1) recurrent and persistent thoughts, impulses, or images that are experienced, at some time during the disturbance, as intrusive and inappropriate and that cause marked anxiety or distress
(2) the thoughts, impulses, or images are not simply excessive worries about real-life problems
(3) the person attempts to ignore or suppress such thoughts, impulses, or images, or to neutralize them with some other thought or action
(4) the person recognizes that the obsessional thoughts, impulses, or images are a product of his or her own mind (not imposed from without as in thought insertion)​

Compulsions as defined by (1) and (2):

(1) repetitive behaviors (e.g., hand washing, ordering, checking) or mental acts (e.g., praying, counting, repeating words silently) that the person feels driven to perform in response to an obsession, or according to rules that must be applied rigidly
(2) the behaviors or mental acts are aimed at preventing or reducing distress or preventing some dreaded event or situation; however, these behaviors or mental acts either are not connected in a realistic way with what they are designed to neutralize or prevent or are clearly excessive​

 

[moonriver]

Thanks a lot, that is helpful. Its confusing because when you look up the information about OCD, all the information seems to focus on certain obsessions that revolve around contamination and maybe a few other things. It doesn't make it seem like it could apply to other things. It never occurred to me this could be OCD, I thought this was just the way all people were built. I often have checked things like my e-mail and voice mail non stop every hour or so sometimes when I am away from work or looked up something on the internet hundreds of times to make myself feel better.

At times, ashamed as I am to admit this, I would ruminate about a break up in a relationship to the point where I couldn't stand it anymore and it would feel like my head would explode. Even though I wasn't that upset about the breakup, I couldn't get the mental thought of it out of my head for years sometimes and it wasn't like I was even really that upset about it, thats the weird thing, I kind of felt like something could be wrong with my mind but I didn't know that it could be something to do with my mind not functioning write. I thought I was just a weak person and it was something to do with my shyness. I had no idea it wasn't normal not to think this way if that makes any sense, I am only now becoming aware of it based on other things I am reading on your forum.

I cant believe I didn't know that it wasn't normal not to ruminate on one thought almost constantly, I feel really stupid.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

No need to feel stupid, moonriver. You didn't suspect there was anything "wrong" because it was just normal for you. You probably grew up that way. Why would you NOT think it was just the way you are?

When I was about 11 or 12, I had my vision tested and it turned out I was myopic (near-sighted) and needed glasses. I remember how surprised I was when I got my glasses at how clearly I could see things. I had just learned to squint to bring things into focus. I had no idea anyone could see any differently than I saw - until it was corrected.

 

[moonriver]

Yes that it a good comparison thanks, that makes me feel better.

Its a shame they didnt have forums like this when I was younger, I am in my thirties now and I feel like I missed out on my twenties because I was so shy and anxious. The postings by yourself and other people are very helpful. I got lots of great tips on what to do about being so shy, its already had an impact on my life. I usually spend my birthdays by myself for example and my birthday is coming up and some people have invited me over. I have been going to the gym three times a week now and I talk to some people at work now, I never did any of these things before I joined this forum. I hope other people can use the ideas and suggestions and get the same results, my life is so much better than before.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

That's great, moonriver. Congratulations on having the courage and determination to put some of what you're reading into practice by trying a different way of doing things! :goodjob: :2thumbs:

 

[Cat Dancer]

moonriver, I think it is awesome that you are making changes in your life. That does take a lot of courage as Dr. Baxter said. Very proud of you!

 

[moonriver]

Its really funny. The busier I am and the more content I feel about things, the obsessive thoughts that i was having are hardly an issue. Its almost like I need to throw alot of stuff at my brain in order for this not to be a problem. I have alot of stuff going on right now, maybe I am trying to make up for lost time.

Is it possible that some people just need to do alot of things to keep their minds active? Does it make sense that overloading my brain would actually be a cure for repetitive thoughts and I wonder if it is possible to find a happy medium. Do I need to be crazy busy in order to have a calm mind?

 

[Into The Light]

i find that when i am busy my mind doesn't wander off. i can only relate to depression and not ocd, but i can say that keeping my mind occupied was certainly a helpful factor in keeping my mind from going down the road of depressive thinking. it probably is similar with ocd. when you're not busy, your brain kicks in and starts to do its thing.

i must say as i have recovered from depression, the longer i stayed out of the depressive mindset, the better it became. it's almost like training your brain to do something different. if you keep it occupied, it has more practice working differently, and the original condition gets lessened. the more practice you get, the longer you go without defaulting to the troubling behaviour, the easier it becomes.

how busy do you find you need to be? does doing something relaxing that you enjoy keep your mind from going through the obsessive thinking?

 

[moonriver]

Its funny because I need to be really busy, like where other people at work are being pushed to the breaking point because of the workload and going on stress leave, I am thriving and doing the work of two people. As soon as it slows down to a regular pace, I can barely function at work, I feel like a zombie. Or maybe I am easily bored I dont know. At home I try to relax and watch tv or take a bath but my mind starts racing, so I find activities are better. It is the best when I am running from one activity to the next. Is it possible to find a happy medium and relax without having repetitive thoughts all the time? Or, is it ok to be crazy busy and have alot going on as a solution to the problem. Its almost like I need to be so busy that I dont have time to think about anything? Is that ok? Is this just like an attention deficit symptom?

 

[Into The Light]

it almost sounds like some sort of attention deficit. it reminds me of people who can't sit still and need to be busy all the time.

this isn't necessarily a bad thing. if you thrive on doing tons of stuff, i'd say go for it!

 

[Halo]

I think that it is okay to be busy to a point as I can relate to the feeling of being busy all the time to keep the depressive negative thoughts at bay however what I have found is that eventually keeping up at that pace can only last for so long. Eventually I crash from exhaustion which makes the depressive negative thoughts worse because of being so physically drained exhausted.

While I think that it is good to keep busy and occupied when you don't want to have the reoccuring thoughts, I do think that it is good to take time out of your day to let yourself have those thoughts and maybe journal about them. That way you are designating a certain time of the day to focus on them and not ignoring them completely.

 

[moonriver]

Thanks for your thoughts you guys, one last question, isnt it better to ignore senseless repetitive thoughts if they are bothering you, especially if they are senseless and have no basis in reality? Do you think I should try and make myself think of them and journal, wouldnt that make them stronger? Sorry this is probably a stupid question, just trying to figure it out.