More threads by donna

donna

Member
My son is getting married in October. He is living in another state. A couple of months ago my youngest son, 23 years old had a job change. His previous job was rather high profile and my older son was very proud of his brother. When he quit this job my oldest became enraged because I didn't call and tell him about it right away. My husband and I were on vacation, and going to visit the younger son. Older son called and talked to his Dad briefly and his Dad told him we would call him later when we got to a land line. I, not knowing we were supposed to call didn't call until we got home from vacation, which was about a week later. He will not talk to me now. This has gone on now for 2 months. What can I do to get him to let this go?? Hes getting married in a couple of months and I see this totally messing up his wedding. Please help as this is emotionally crippling me.
 

donna

Member
My son is getting married in October. He is living in another state. A couple of months ago my youngest son, 23 years old had a job change. His previous job was rather high profile and my older son was very proud of his brother. When he quit this job my oldest became enraged because I didn't call and tell him about it right away. My husband and I were on vacation, and going to visit the younger son. Older son called and talked to his Dad briefly and his Dad told him we would call him later when we got to a land line. I, not knowing we were supposed to call didn't call until we got home from vacation, which was about a week later. He will not talk to me now. This has gone on now for 2 months. What can I do to get him to let this go?? Hes getting married in a couple of months and I see this totally messing up his wedding. Please help as this is emotionally crippling me.
 

David Baxter PhD

Late Founder
Hmmm... we probably need more information about your son, your previous relationship with him, his relationship with his brother, the dynamics of this family and the son's perceived position in this family -- is there a history of him feeling left out or disregarded? or what else is going on here?

My first thought was why was he enraged by not being told about his brother's new job? I can see puzzled, surprised, maybe even hurt or mildly annoyed, but enraged? Seems like a huge overreaction to me... which leads to my second thought: what is the basis for / reason for such an overreaction?

When you say he won't talk to you now (for 2 months! did I mention overreaction?), what does he do when you call? What does he say or what had he said about why he won't talk to you?
 

David Baxter PhD

Late Founder
Hmmm... we probably need more information about your son, your previous relationship with him, his relationship with his brother, the dynamics of this family and the son's perceived position in this family -- is there a history of him feeling left out or disregarded? or what else is going on here?

My first thought was why was he enraged by not being told about his brother's new job? I can see puzzled, surprised, maybe even hurt or mildly annoyed, but enraged? Seems like a huge overreaction to me... which leads to my second thought: what is the basis for / reason for such an overreaction?

When you say he won't talk to you now (for 2 months! did I mention overreaction?), what does he do when you call? What does he say or what had he said about why he won't talk to you?
 

donna

Member
He doesn't respond to me at all. I've called many, many times left messages, emailed, asked whats up and I get no reply. I've even asked for his girlfriend to just write back and say that they are OK. Still nothing. We can't figure out what role his brothers job plays in his life to be so upset over.
He is my oldest birthed child. I have a step daughter that is 31. She has been in mine and the boys life for 21 years, and they have been raised as bothers and sister. So I guess he would be the middle child.
His biological father gave him up at age 2. He was adopted by my husband and has been treated as his son. My husband has been a wonderful father to him.
The family has accused me
of playing favorites to him, but I have not been aware of doing so. He is a very loving man, but is somewhat stubborn and has OCD. He runs 10 miles a day and is very heath consious.
Is he just spoiled? Trying to teach me a leason?
I love my children so very much and only want there happiness.
 

donna

Member
He doesn't respond to me at all. I've called many, many times left messages, emailed, asked whats up and I get no reply. I've even asked for his girlfriend to just write back and say that they are OK. Still nothing. We can't figure out what role his brothers job plays in his life to be so upset over.
He is my oldest birthed child. I have a step daughter that is 31. She has been in mine and the boys life for 21 years, and they have been raised as bothers and sister. So I guess he would be the middle child.
His biological father gave him up at age 2. He was adopted by my husband and has been treated as his son. My husband has been a wonderful father to him.
The family has accused me
of playing favorites to him, but I have not been aware of doing so. He is a very loving man, but is somewhat stubborn and has OCD. He runs 10 miles a day and is very heath consious.
Is he just spoiled? Trying to teach me a leason?
I love my children so very much and only want there happiness.
 

David Baxter PhD

Late Founder
I don't know... I've never understood the point of refusing to talk to the other person about something that is upsetting you about that person -- what does that accomplish?

It sounds very immature to me -- like your son has a bit of growing up to do, frankly.
 

David Baxter PhD

Late Founder
I don't know... I've never understood the point of refusing to talk to the other person about something that is upsetting you about that person -- what does that accomplish?

It sounds very immature to me -- like your son has a bit of growing up to do, frankly.
 
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