My current thoughts on therapy

[gooblax]

I'm still finding therapy to be frustrating (not surprising, since I've only just now started making more regular appointments).

I frequently have thoughts of "screw it, there's no reason for me to have another session," particularly when subsequent sessions are being organised. It doesn't help that he hasn't really said anything about whether he thinks I'm just exaggerating.

In my arsenal of possibly warped-thinking gooblax equations, "learned helplessness... [to escape things I don't want to do]" = "I am faking things and just being lazy and should therefore deal/put up with things on my own." (Actually, a lot of things equate to the RHS...) I'm going to try telling my therapist about this equation, when I find a way to explain it.

I'm also trying to work out why I zone-out so quickly in his office. It could be because talking about 'stuff' is difficult, but also maybe he has weird lighting, or it's too humid in there. Normally I'm not aware of the limits of my field of vision, but I get in there and can almost see greyness creeping in around the edge... Whatever it is, it's weird.

 

[ladylore]

:support: :friends: Go easy on yourself. Therapy can be scary. I know I am a private person so opening up and talking about what is really happening and feeling is hard at first. Just take it one session at a time.

 

[boi]

hey gooblax,
I know what you mean. You described myself in therapy for me. I zone out as well and sometimes I think my therapist can tell hehehe Maybe not though. My sessions are getting easier though, and I am opening up a little bit more now. It has taken a long time but I seem to be slightly more comfortable.
hang in there!

 

[gooblax]

Thanks ladylore and boi

 

[ladylore]

Any time Gooblax.

 

[gooblax]

What do I have to do to get myself to actually talk to my therapist?
I?m trying to open up to him, but it just doesn?t happen.

When it comes to verbalising anything about unpleasant issues, my instinct always tells me, ?shut up, don?t talk, do not say anything, there?s nothing to say; change the subject ? no, don?t ? he?ll think that you?re just trying to get out of talking; just say you don?t know, because you don?t, because you have nothing to say.?
And so I have my standard responses with no elaboration: dunno, maybe, perhaps, I guess.

Before my session yesterday I wanted to talk to him. I even practiced what I was going to say a few days before? I wrote some things on a piece of paper, but then by the time I got there I decided I didn?t want to talk about those things so didn?t give him the note. I?d decided that I didn?t deserve to talk and didn?t deserve to be there.

I want to be able to talk to him, to stop staring out the window when he asks questions, to stop avoiding feelings even when he can already tell what I'm feeling :hissyfit:

 

[Into The Light]

i know its hard. it's one of the hardest things in therapy to start actually talking about what you are thinking and feeling, the real stuff.

do you think you could talk to him about wanting to talk and the feelings that kick in once you're there?

 

[gooblax]

Thanks ITL.
I'm not sure if I'd be able to talk to him about that or not.
He brought up the topic yesterday and all I could say was that I didn't know how to stop resisting (and even that took forever to say).

 

[Into The Light]

i find sometimes it takes a few tries. in the past i've had things i wanted to talk about, then when i got there i got scared and didn't, only to regret it afterwards. i'd try again and even though it's nerve wracking there's always a relief afterwards and actually feeling good about having pulled it off.

so keep your chin up, and try again next time. one of these times you'll do it and it'll be a relief. i know you can do it

 

[gooblax]

I'll try. Thanks

 

[ladylore]

What is the best way to express yourself Gooblax? Pictures? Writing?.....

Does your therapist use other forms of therapy besides talk therapy? I am asking this because this past year I discovered that art therapy works very well with me. Images seem to express what I am feeling at times, especially when there are no words to what I am feeling.

There are quite a few great art therapy techniques and exercises that I have benifitted from. You may want to explore other modes of therapy with him. But for that you will have to ask him the question - "What other modes of therapy does he do besides talk therapy?" Maybe a few sessions over the phone may help as you have the phone as the boundary.

You have worked and are working very hard Gooblax. I for one am proud of you and glad to know you.

:friends: :hug:

P.S. Hope some of this helps. :wink:

 

[gooblax]

Thanks Ladylore - I'm glad to know you too. :friends: Wow. I'm really touched by all the caring and support that everyone here gives each other.

That's interesting about art therapy, and really cool that it's been helpful for you LL. I'm not sure if my therapist offers any other forms of therapy, but it's worth investigating.
Thanks for the ideas everyone, and *hugs* to whoever wants one!

:grouphug4::grouphug:

 

[Into The Light]

i'm glad you pointed that out, ladylore, there are indeed many other ways of expressing our feelings besides words.

using art or describing images that come to mind works too

 

[ladylore]

I have found that talk therapy, especially at the beginning, was traumatic. Both my addiction therapist and my trauma therapist have had to use other techniques with me otherwise I am just too triggered, usually needing a therapy session because of the therapy session.

 

[littlepieces]

Hi gooblax,
I can really understand when you say you zone out whilst in a therapy session. I myself have been seeing current therpist about 10 times now and still can not seem to say much other than I dont know, if he askes how I am feeling, eventhough it is probably quite clear through body languge how I am feeling!
Like you I hate going and do think all the time what is the point it is just making me feel worse... but for me I still keep comming back to the fact that I need to try and sort out why I cant seem to handle any kind of stress without getting over emotional and why I feel so down all the time!
Hope all goes well for you.
take care
littlepieces

 

[poss]

Hi Gooblax,

Just wanted to empathize with you as you describe pretty much how I've been for most of the past two years in therapy, giving one word answers, desperately wanting to tell my therapist something but then backing out, writing things down and then keeping the piece of paper in my pocket and not mentioning it...

It's tough, it really is. And the only thing that helped for me was just giving it time and building up more trust with my therapist. I am Borderline and so trust is a difficult issue for me. My therapist says that for someone like me 2 years is nothing to start trusting someone. I have found through her constant reassurance that I have gradually taken more risks in telling her things and trying things out, such as when things are really hard in a session, asking to take a 5 minute break to calm down a bit on my own. My therapist has been very open to anything I have suggested.

So just give it a bit more time and it may just be that you get so frustrated with yourself, that one day you are able to take a small step towards opening up a bit more.

You can do it and you'll see how relieved and proud of yourself you'll feel after getting something off your chest.

Take care and I really hope it works out for you.

Poss

 

[gooblax]

Thanks for sharing your experiences everyone. I don't quite so bad about being unintentionally resistant anymore.
All the best.

 

[Into The Light]

good to hear :goodjob: it's part of the process for many of us, i think