My ongoing therapy dilemma

[gooblax]

Tell me one thing you think is not false.

I'm having trouble coming up with a logical argument about why there's no possibility for them to be false. But they're very convincing thoughts so I'll see if I can come up with something later.

Filling paperwork for clients is part of the job for any therapist. Based on past history, he might screw it up but not because of you - he would have to fully own that one.

Even so, it'd upset me too much and I'm not putting myself in that position.

Yes that's a reality, I know. I don't know what to advise about that, unless you feel able to talk to your doctor about it.

I do plan to try and get another prescription for birth control pills (since I never filled the one I got a few years ago) and try that to see if it changes things for the better. The mood change from hormones isn't usually too bad (either easily saddened or suicidal thoughts 1 or 2 days per cycle, but the suicidal ideation in general has reduced a lot including with the cycle). So my main motive is to swap to a 3 month cycle rather than monthly.

You do tend to overthink, overanalyze, and overpersonalize things. But beyond that, the fact that everybody has problems does not make yours any less important or urgent, and certainly it does not make yours any less worthy of professional help and attention.

In a world of finite resources, I think it does make it less important and less worthy. People can't put energy into other people's stuff if they're struggling with their own things.

 

[Daniel E.]

SSRIs can also help with mood changes from hormones.

 

[gooblax]

What helps you get un-triggered (or unstuck from your brain being in "error mode")?

I guess the thoughts just aren't all that sticky for me. I have them, get upset for awhile, sometimes write a negative post about myself here, then just do something else without actively managing my thoughts at all. For example I'd got upset while thinking at my desk and after my shower at night, then after the post last night I put on a YouTube ASMR video (one of those 'head tingles' repetitive sound recordings) and went to sleep without continuing to think about it.

I think it helps knowing that I'll get some sort of reply here. If I were to just write in a journal then it would just be a negative record. And if no one replied then I'd reinforce my own "unworthy" cycle (which used to happen on another forum where other people would talk to each other but because I didn't express my problems in the normal way that others did, no one knew what to say to me).

 

[Daniel E.]

In a world of finite resources, I think it does make it less important and less worthy. People can't put energy into other people's stuff if they're struggling with their own things.

Life is not an optimization problem. You can see it that way, but utilitarian thinking is maddening over time. There are also unintended consequences.

More to the point:

7 Things People With High-Functioning OCD Want You To Know

The big reason why people with obsessive thoughts or compulsive behaviors can’t get past them is because they are deep thinkers.

thoughtcatalog.com

High-functioning is often worse than low-functioning.

This is because it can go on for years, and nothing will be done about it. When it isn’t obvious, like a minor addiction, it becomes a behavior, or “part of your personality.” It’s not, it’s a disorder. When a problem gets really bad really quickly, you’re able to address it and take action. Otherwise, you run the risk of living your whole life without it ever being resolved.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

People can't put energy into other people's stuff if they're struggling with their own things.

Actually, they can and do. Especially therapists and other health professionals. In fact, it can be a welcome if temporary respite from whatever is going on in the professional's own life.

 

[Daniel E.]

Internalized stigma also leads to rationalization.

In case you haven't seen this before:

False dilemma - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

A false dilemma, also referred to as false dichotomy, is an informal fallacy based on a premise that erroneously limits what options are available...

Various different terms are used to refer to false dilemmas. Some of the following terms are equivalent to the term "false dilemma", some refer to special forms of false dilemmas and others refer to closely related concepts.

• bifurcation fallacy
• black-or-white fallacy
• denying a conjunct (similar to a false dichotomy: see Formal fallacy § Denying a conjunct)
• double bind
• either/or fallacy
• fallacy of exhaustive hypotheses
• fallacy of the excluded middle
• fallacy of the false alternative
• false binary
• false choice
• false dichotomy
• invalid disjunction
• no middle ground

 

[gooblax]

Actually, they can and do. Especially therapists and other health professionals. In fact, it can be a welcome if temporary respite from whatever is going on in the professional's own life.

To me that just means that it's basically immoral to want anyone's help.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

To me that just means that it's basically immoral to want anyone's help.

What? 🤔

I really don't understand that at all, @gooblax. Why does what I said make seeking help immoral?

 

[Daniel E.]

And see over-responsibility, hypermorality, thought-action fusion, etc:

Key Cognitive Errors in OCD

CBT (cognitive behavior therapy) involves actively challenging and confronting the distorted thinking and beliefs that drive and maintain obsessions and compulsions. Below are the key cognitive errors of people with OCD. Black-and-White or All-or Nothing Thinking Example: "If I’m not...

forum.psychlinks.ca

 

[Daniel E.]

from the above thread:

What keeps OCD going?
...In the 1970s researchers carried out experiments where they asked some people with OCD and some people without OCD to list their intrusive thoughts. They could find no difference in the types of thought reported by those with and those without OCD. The difference is that people with OCD have more frequent and distressing thoughts than others because of the meaning they attach to the thoughts and the way they respond to them. OCD is maintained when you interpret intrusive thoughts as a sign that is there a serious risk of harm to yourself or others (over-importance of thoughts), and also believe that you can prevent the harm by what you do or don't do (overinflated responsibility).

 

[David Baxter PhD]

OCD is maintained when you interpret intrusive thoughts as a sign that is there a serious risk of harm to yourself or others (over-importance of thoughts), and also believe that you can prevent the harm by what you do or don't do (overinflated responsibility).

Or when the thoughts are perceived as confirmation of one's perceived flaws/faults or of the perception that one has done something wrong that deserves to be punished in some way. So sometimes it's directed outwards (protection of others) and sometimes it's directed inwards (guilt and self-punishment).

 

[Daniel E.]

from Why Living as a River Can Set us Free: (broken link)

Our minds try to “fix” things and to see them as more permanent, static, and separate than they actually are. And one of the “things” that we treat in this way is ourselves.

 

[gooblax]

What? 🤔

I really don't understand that at all, @gooblax. Why does what I said make seeking help immoral?

Because other people's stuff is more important than me. So I should care about their stuff and not the other way around, and so wanting their help /attention is selfish and disgusting.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Because other people's stuff is more important than me. So I should care about their stuff and not the other way around, and so wanting their help /attention is selfish and disgusting.

No. That is your self-critical voice. I understand that. But objectively it is simply not true. Objectively it is utterly and completely false.

 

[Daniel E.]

From PsychCentral:

How to Manage OCD: 6 Methods and Resources

Living with OCD comes with a range of daily challenges. Try using these methods to help you manage your symptoms day to day.

psychcentral.com

Take advantage of the relentlessness you have inherited from OCD. OCD is a stubborn illness and most likely you have a stubborn streak within you. Turn it into strength. Become determined to climb the mountain. Endure it the best you can as you learn new skills for life.

But I would add to that, don’t climb the mountain alone. You can get up faster with other people.

 

[Daniel E.]

I think if the roles were different, then some of the anxiety/hyper-responsibility tendencies could be helpful, although still stressful. Like if you were having to care for a client/patient/student, say, as a therapist, nurse, or special needs teacher. When I have to share a shift with another caregiver, I secretly hope they have an anxiety disorder I have had to argue with co-workers about choking hazards, etc. People with anxiety are already just as concerned as I am.

 

[gooblax]

No. That is your self-critical voice. I understand that. But objectively it is simply not true. Objectively it is utterly and completely false.

If I think about it, I mostly can't see how it's false. The most obvious exception is when I start judging someone else's stuff as pathetic, and in that moment I don't even think about my stuff in relation to theirs.

I think if the roles were different, then some of the anxiety/hyper-responsibility tendencies could be helpful, although still stressful. Like if you were having to care for a client/patient/student, say, as a therapist, nurse, or special needs teacher. When I have to share a shift with another caregiver, I secretly hope they have an anxiety disorder I have had to argue with co-workers about choking hazards, etc. People with anxiety are already just as concerned as I am.

Yeah it probably did come in handy when I was more active as a 'peer supporter' on the teen/young-adult forum I used to be a member of. But then it would bite me in the ass because I couldn't ask them for support and would have to rely on the moderators once I'd worked myself into a head-mess.

 

[gooblax]

Just wanted to share a more personal positive. My therapy session went well today. I brought up the whole 'gender' thing for the first time since writing it on some therapy homework two years ago. He said he was pleased that I brought it up and that he thinks it's been "a long time coming" and it will be good to discuss it some more in future sessions. I told him that I've been concerned about what his views on that stuff might be. Aside from the typical therapist "my role isn't to judge" spiel he let me know that someone in his personal life identifies as nonbinary so it's not just theoretical for him. And that he just wants to help me explore my reasons as well as to be more comfortable and confident with my identity. So that was really better than expected.

I chose not to ask him about his plan to catch up on billing, because it seemed a poor use of time compared to all that plus the other stuff we didn't have time to get to.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Well done, @gooblax 👍

I know you have days when you feel like you're wasting time and making no progress, but if you look at posts you were making a year ago, or two years ago, or three years ago, etc., and compare them with recent posts like this one, I think the reality might be more discernible to you (just leave the "buts" and "shoulds" behind if you do this).

(By the way, you can do this by clicking on your member name at the right of the main navigation bar and selecting "Your content".)

There was an advertising slogan used in the late 60s that went, "You've come a long way, baby!". Ironically, it was created by an ad agency for the Phillip Morris corporation to market the first cigarette specifically targeted for women, called "Virginia Slims", presumably to emphasize that smoking might help you stay thin - really, it was a disgusting and diabolical ad campaign but sadly it worked quite well at the time.



But that's just background on the origins of the phrase. It came to me this morning reading your post above. You really have come a long way and every now and then you need to hear that, preferably from yourself but it's always nice to hear it from someone else too.

 

[gooblax]

Thanks @David Baxter . I do see that there's been progress with the things that I'm able and willing to try and talk about. Psych and I discussed that a bit as well - how it's a long way from being so guarded that all I'd say is "I dunno". And that with me sharing more it feels more 'connecting' which feels better to both of us.
I don't want to read my old posts though. They're almost intolerable to look at.