• Quote of the Day
    "Hope is the thing with feathers, That perches in the soul,
    And sings the tune without the words, And never stops at all."
    Emily Dickinson, posted by Daniel

gooblax

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I dunno why I find it so difficult when the session doesn't fulfill a certain emotional thing. It was a pretty good session but on the inside it still just hurts.
 

David Baxter

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1. Do you know what specific emotional thing wasn't fulfilled?

2. Did you make the therapist aware at any time of the emotional thing?
 

gooblax

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No I don't know what it is specifically.
I mentioned that there was something but I didn't know how to explain it or what way to approach it and even if I tried I couldn't be sure that I'd get it. I did try one way but it didn't seem to get at it. And I avoided being too emotional about it, then his responses just didn't land emotionally in the right way to help sort it out... like it was very "I want you to be able to let go of your inner critic so you can feel better about you" when my insides just want to hear again that he cares about me and my feelings matter and other stupid stuff like that which are feelings that it's hard to hold onto, but at the same time I can't tell him that.
 

gooblax

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It's just a setup for another 3 weeks of missing him :(
There's a blog that I read where someone describes their emotions in terms of Internal Family Systems theory, and talks a lot about how their "child parts" struggle and miss their therapist between sessions and worry that something will be different, the therapist won't want to see them anymore, then panic when they can't connect with the therapist during a session (even if their "false adult" is having a productive conversation). While the IFS model and the idea of child parts is absolutely disgusting to me, the difficulty of emotional disconnect during sessions for me kind of mirrors that in a way... Which is why I tolerate reading the blog so I don't feel so needy and disgusting about how I feel even though it is still disgusting.
 

Daniel

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That reminds me: Even the most mature romantic relationships are also childish in a way, like calling each other "baby." But there are positives to any emotional need/desire, e.g:


"People, people who need people, are the luckiest people in the world."

Even relatively stoic people are only stoic about some things. No human can be robotic/stoic all the time since we always have preferences based on emotion. (Even as a philosophy, stoicism was only popular during unhappy times, like living in violent times of war or dictatorship.)
 
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gooblax

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Still, therapy isn't the place for being 'babied' either.
Knowing that he is intentionally trying to help me let go of difficult emotions during sessions - because otherwise I get stuck - I also worry that it's only going to be a matter of time before he's sick of it and of dealing with me.
 

David Baxter

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Still, therapy isn't the place for being 'babied' either.
Knowing that he is intentionally trying to help me let go of difficult emotions during sessions - because otherwise I get stuck - I also worry that it's only going to be a matter of time before he's sick of it and of dealing with me.

But you have no evidence to support that worry.

Also, sometimes "being babied" is exactly what is needed in therapy in the short run.
 

gooblax

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But you have no evidence to support that worry.
I guess not, or as he said "try not to make too many assumptions" but the consequences of not anticipating and it happening will be bad so I think it's important to anticipate and reduce the liklihood where I can.
 

David Baxter

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I guess not, or as he said "try not to make too many assumptions" but the consequences of not anticipating and it happening will be bad so I think it's important to anticipate and reduce the liklihood where I can.

But in the meantime, that strategy creates a whole lot of unnecessary misery and anxiety for you. Even if it were to happen (unlikely), what you are doing is living through it a hundred times or a thousand times or more. Not doing that means that in all likelihood you will never have to live through it at all — and worst case scenario is that you only have to live through it one time max.
 

gooblax

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But in the meantime, that strategy creates a whole lot of unnecessary misery and anxiety for you. Even if it were to happen (unlikely), what you are doing is living through it a hundred times or a thousand times or more. Not doing that means that in all likelihood you will never have to live through it at all — and worst case scenario is that you only have to live through it one time max.
That is a valid point, as much as I may still want to argue that my way is still safer.
And that is a way of learning to be more self-nurturing. Applying the same techniques to yourself.
I always get the impression that therapists hate when they have to do that, and are disgusted by the clients that want that.
 

David Baxter

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I always get the impression that therapists hate when they have to do that, and are disgusted by the clients that want that.

What is that impression based on? I'm guessing it's another fear/worry/anxiety without objective foundation.
 

Daniel

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From a ACT perspective, we often fuse to "verbal networks," such as with your term "disgusting." For me, "death" is a frequent term (as in death/existential anxiety).

In any case, the end result is usually avoidance/inhibition. Like driving with the emergency brake on.
 
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gooblax

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What is that impression based on? I'm guessing it's another fear/worry/anxiety without objective foundation.
I've seen lots of stories online of people being called dependent or "being coddled" by their therapists, and even one story where a therapist went so far as to call their client's emotional needs that they needed from their therapist as being "like a tick."
Plus the manualised technique-based approaches of CBT, DBT, even Solution Focused are all like "client needs to build these skills" and nothing to do with "client sometimes needs support from therapist to get through what they're feeling and that's actually ok, not a terrible disgusting weakness indicating that they just need to try harder with the skills that they were supposed to be building."
 

David Baxter

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Remember that any stories you read online are often exaggerated or distorted or in many cases simply untrue.

If your therapist provides only strict "manualized CBT" or manualized any other form of therapy and cannot vary that to also provide supportive therapy when you need it, that is a poor and lazy or inflexible therapist and you need to find a new one.

As for the therapist who called the client a "tick", if true that is unprofessional and disgusting. A therapist is there to help you, not insult you.
 

gooblax

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I guess but I can't see why anyone would be motivated to make those things up.

Luckily my psych doesn't stick to manualised styles, at least not so much now. Maybe 80% of the problem is that whenever I've needed to use an online helpline or whatever, the person on the other end is always like "what things normally help" and stuff that to me reads like "go away and handle this on your own." And historically that's been where I've turned most of the time when things were really bad, and it's like well I've tried the things that normally help so that's why I'm trying to talk to someone for help but obviously you don't actually have any help to offer me.

Thankfully that client is with a better therapist now (it's the one from the blog where they describe their experiences based on the Internal Family Systems model). That was the comment that got the client to leave the "tick" therapist after years of being unsupportive and harmful (bit like a tick themselves, sucking money and emotional energy and injecting venomous attitudes to harm the client). But it's hard not to wonder what percentage of therapists would think like that.
 

Daniel

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Supportive therapy tends to be under-rated even though it can be as effective as anything else, e.g. "no significant difference...between behavior therapy and supportive therapy."
(For self-help, the same has been shown for relaxation techniques vs. more active jogging.)
 
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gooblax

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Well I picked a fight with moderators on a different forum, so that's not ideal. Just so fed up with their way of moderating considering they're paid to do it on that site and talking to them is like trying to punch confetti.
 

Daniel

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talking to them is like trying to punch confetti.
I love that metaphor. Never heard it before. It certainly explains my experience with some companies and their lack of customer service. I am partly proud of myself for being banned from my gym after I shared my feelings with them :)
 

gooblax

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I love that metaphor. Never heard it before. It certainly explains my experience with some companies and their lack of customer service. I am partly proud of myself for being banned from my gym after I shared my feelings with them :)
Good work with the self advocacy (y)

One of the mods finally responded like a sentient being rather than a buggy chatbot. For a mental health forum advertising 24/7 moderation I'd have expected actual humans capable of comprehension and rational thought so it's about time. I really should just give that forum a big miss because it's rarely been a helpful environment.

I'm also in a "what makes me unworthy of support" thought set.

And apparently I need to come to terms with the crime that my old piano teacher committed on someone/s else, because I'm not interested in having him come up in a dream.
 

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