My Therapist is moving

[Angie611]

Hi everyone.

I'm new here and I joined because I have recently started going to school with the hopes that someday I will be a therapist.

I'm 32 years old and am in my second, part-time, semester at a community college. I will transfer in a few years to a state college.

I've always been interested in psychology, but up until I started seeing my current therapist I thought it would never happen. She inspired me to start this. We never really discussed it, just all of a sudden I decided it was time.

I have my last appointment with her today. She's moving to another state to be closer to her family. I'm very sad, and am not sure I will find someone like her. She has given me 2 names of other therapists that I will check out as soon as I get over the "no one's going to be like her" attitude.

I was raised in dysfunction, like so many are, and until I was 30 I was oblivious as to why my life was such a mess. I had just thought it was always going to be that way. Well, I found a different way, although I still have many issues to work through I am recognizing those issues and trying to work through them, trying to find the roots of the issues.

I guess I just wanted to share that and say that I'm glad to be here. I'm sure that this forum is going to be very helpful to me, in a lot of ways.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Welcome, Angie.

It takes time and hard work to build trust in a therapist and I can well understand your sadness at losing her. However, although it may take a bit of trial-and-error to find someone else, I think you'll find that it isn't quite as hard the second (or third) time around.

 

[Angie611]

Welcome, Angie.

It takes time and hard work to build trust in a therapist and I can well understand your sadness at losing her. However, although it may take a bit of trial-and-error to find someone else, I think you'll find that it isn't quite as hard the second (or third) time around.

(or fifth)....

She was actually the one that I dragged myself to see even if I didn't want to, she's the one who opened up and shared herself with me, enabling me to open up and share myself with her.

I would always stop going to therapists, I never clicked with any of the others.

Her approach is what made her so special to me. Or perhaps it was just the right timing, perhaps I was ready to open up.

I am becoming more hopeful that one of the women she referred me to might work. I just have to have a positive outlook on it. As I've heard said, "When the student is ready, the teacher will appear."

I'm curious Mr. Baxter, what do you specialize in? What is your approach to therapy? Do you share about yourself and your life experiences? I guess I just wonder if it's common, because up until I met my current therapist, none seemed to be that way.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

What is your approach to therapy? Do you share about yourself and your life experiences? I guess I just wonder if it's common, because up until I met my current therapist, none seemed to be that way.

My approach is based primarily on client-centered therapy but in accordance with that philosophy I use whatever works for the client.

Do I sometimes share things about myself and my experiences? Sure, if it will be helpful to the client for me to do that. I think any therapist needs to remember that the session is about the client, not about the therapist. However, sometimes, clients ask me questions about my experience or history and, while I may not go into great detail, I do try to answer questions honestly. And if relating a personal experience will help a client get over a hurdle or help the client to understand something happening in his/her own life, I will do that.

 

[Angie611]

My therapist shared with me early on that she was also an ACOA, that made me a lot more comfortable with her. I knew that she could relate to a lot of the emotional issues that I had.

When I would talk of things I was going through, she would say she knew exactly how I was feeling and would tell me why. I believed her because I came to trust her. That's something that I don't do very easily.

Are you familiar with the typical characteristics of ACOA's?

I can tell you that a few of my issues are: low self-esteem/lack of trust/fear of abandonment/fear of intimacy...the list goes on and on.

I think that those issues of mine are contributing to why I'm having such a hard time with losing my therapist. It's that whole abandonment thing.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

When I would talk of things I was going through, she would say she knew exactly how I was feeling and would tell me why. I believed her because I came to trust her. That's something that I don't do very easily.

Actually, I never say "I know exactly how you're feeling" because I don't believe it's true -- although I might say something like, "I think I have had similar feelings". However, if it was reassuring to you, that's what matters.

Are you familiar with the typical characteristics of ACOA's?

I can tell you that a few of my issues are: low self-esteem/lack of trust/fear of abandonment/fear of intimacy...the list goes on and on.

Yes... and includes reactions to the inherent unpredictablility and uncertainty of growing up ACOA -- things like being able to trust your own judgement of people, being able to accurately predict the outcome of your behavior or the behavior of others, being able to pay attention to what you need instead of spending all your energy trying to make other people happy, being able to relax around other people and giver up hypervigilance, etc., etc.

See Adult Children.