Need advice

[justsomeone]

Hello and welcome to all.

My issues stem from sometime back when I had issues with people coughing. I would find that when someone would cough in my direction I would feel put down or that the person coughing is trying to put me down. Experienced this often at my workplace which resulted in a serious issue me everytime. I have been working with a therapist who has spent maybe a few sessions on helping me with this issue. The therapy has helped but not entirely. However I have other issues as well which prevent me from wanting to talk face to face with someone whether in a grocery store or at a social situation. My confidence and self esteem is so low that my face shows my low self esteem when I talk. This embarasses me and I find that it makes the other person uncomfortable as well. I also feel untrustworthy following a situation at my previous place of work and find that I am in a hyper vigilance state that makes me always feel on edge and am always scanning the immediate area to see if I am being watched by others and get very tense if I am. I am unable to work because I lack concentration and confidence badly and the state of hyper vigilance. Any advise would be appreciated on what type of therapy might help and course of action should I be taking in order to get better.

Many thanks

 

[Daniel E.]

I, too, have had my social anxiety triggered by people coughing. I was so self-conscious I thought they were coughing because of me

Any advise would be appreciated on what type of therapy might help and course of action should I be taking in order to get better.

Of course, there is CBT, including behavior therapy (habituation). For example, with grocery shopping, I found it helpful to go more often, like every 3 days rather than every 1-2 weeks. Now I look forward to going shopping. I also found it helpful to exercise behorehand since I find it more difficult to feel anxious after exercising.

BTW, I am even less anxious now after coming back from a vacation because on vacation I have to socialize throughout the day, every day, just for minor things like getting a rental car, ordering breakfast, getting a shuttle from the airport, getting on the subway, etc And that's one example of how socialization can be a side effect of doing something you really like (like maybe going shopping on Black Friday) or feel is important (volunteer work, etc.).

And you might find this helpful:

Psychology Today: Confidence: Stepping Out
3_approaches_to_psychotherapy_3_of_3_Albert_Ellis.mpg

My confidence and self esteem is so low that my face shows my low self esteem when I talk.

I have been a cautious soft talker due to shyness, but I have gotten so tired of people telling me "What did you say?" that I talk louder automatically now and speak without hesitation in my voice

 

[justsomeone]

Many thanks for sharing your experience. Thats exactly what my present therapist is doing. He is trying to get me to go out and do the things that I would otherwise avoid. So kind face my fears and negative thoughts. I'm really glad that you have shared this information because I was thinking that this therapist was not taking the most effective approach. I will look at the links that you have kindly shared.

Thanks again

 

[justsomeone]

Caring about what others think of me

My issues stem from sometime back when I had issues with people coughing. I would find that when someone would cough in my direction I would feel put down or that the person coughing is trying to put me down. Experienced this often at my workplace which resulted in a serious issue for me everytime. I would loose confidence and my face would drop in an unsightful facial expression. This area I have to admit has improved over the years which is good.

I have been working with a therapist who has spent maybe a few sessions on helping me. The therapy has helped but not entirely. However I have other issues as well which prevent me from wanting to talk face to face with someone whether in a grocery store or at a social situation. I used to be in a work environment which I did something that resulted in me being watched or monitored. Now I find it difficult to do anything without the feeling that I am being observed or watched. In reality I am not being watched at all but I cannot stop myself from scanning the area to see if I am. If anyone is glancing at me or watching me I loose my confidence badly and my face shows it. I feel like I am in trouble or something or might be falsely accused of anything.

Since my confidence is so low that my face shows my low self confidence when I talk. This embarasses me and I find that it makes the other person uncomfortable as well. I also feel untrustworthy following the above described situation and find that I am in a hyper vigilance state that makes me always feel on edge.

Just one final note for some reason in my way of thinking I believe and think that if one or group of persons treat me in a certain way others will treat me the same. Hence that was my feeling when I feared telling my parents and family what had happened at work. I feared that they would think negatively of me and might treat me as such.

Any comments would be greatly appreciated.

 

[Lana]

Re: Caring about what others think of me

Hi justsomeone;

Welcome back to the forum.

I've noticed that you posted almost exact same post here before:
Need advice - Psychlinks Psychology Self-Help & Mental Health Support Forum Are you experiencing new problems? What are they, specifically?

 

[HBas]

Re: Caring about what others think of me

Hey,

YOU WILL NEVER BE JUST SOMEONE - You are unique (high or low self asteem) and I think you should start by getting that straight. There is something extrodinary about you and you need to find it and embrace it and FROM THERE take it a step at a time.

"HI, I AM HB AND I LOVE LIFE" Like you, I have huge insecurities but some borderline facts are in tact - I want to live, I am keen to get to my full potential ALTHOUGH I STRUGGLE, like you - I keep on trying!

Self development forums have become my breakfast - focus on POSITIVE ... sometimes I laugh at how extreme some positive reads are but have found some strands of information that has helped ME ... that has reflected on MY situation.

Do not disregard your T - just keep your mind busy with positive stuff in the mean time and do some soul searching to find out what you love about yourself. If you are so negative that you do not see it - do some charity work or something and CREATE IT!

You can do it - I am sure you are beautiful all around - time to see it for yourself! Stay busy ... an idle mind is the devils playground!

PS* Do not care about the others in the mean time - take time to care for yourself and as you build your positive engergy, others will nog be albe to miss it and there is nothing more beautiful than a good heart.

ALL THE BEST!
HB

 

[amastie]

Re: Caring about what others think of me

Hi justsomeone,
welcome to the forums
I wish I could help you. I can only suggest that you make sure that you tell your therapist all that you feel. I wonder if medication might help you at all.
Just wanted you to know that you are in my thoughts.
Take good care

 

[white page]

Re: Caring about what others think of me

HI Justsomeone ,

I have been working with a therapist who has spent maybe a few sessions on helping me. The therapy has helped but not entirely. However I have other issues as well which prevent me from wanting to talk face to face with someone whether in a grocery store or at a social situation.

It's great to know that you are working with a therapist , and to know that therapy has helped you with some of your issues , maybe there are meds which coupled with therapy would help you to be less anxious and self concious in social and work situations , therapy cannot help you with all your issues in just a few sessions , so give it time and stick with it .

This is maybe unhelpful , but do you have the same thoughts about others , that you imagine they are having about you , I am almost sure that you do not , so put yourself in their place , they are not watching or judging you , they are probably thinking about the work task they have to do , the groceries they have to buy , planning for the hols etc.

I don't mean to say that you are invisible , just that you are no more visible than all the people you come across on a day to day basis .

A therapist will help you to put all this into perspective , so that you can go through life feeling comfortable about being accepted as you are and not feeling that everyone you come into contact with is judging you every minute of the day .

all the best wp

white page added 20 Minutes and 53 Seconds later...

ps. Daniel gave you some great advice when you first posted about these issues . Good luck in your road towards resolving them .

 

[justsomeone]

Re: Caring about what others think of me

Sorry Lana.

I had forgotten about my original posting last year. Thats one of the things I also have trouble with is with my memory.

justsomeone added 19 Minutes and 41 Seconds later...

Many thanks HBasson for the inspirational reply. It really helps me believe in myself more.

Amstie I have been taking Seroquel for the past 4-5 years and recently my doctor is trying to see if an increase in this medication will help. Does anyone know maybe the issue could be with depression because I am not taking any meds for depression ?

White page I don't have similar thoughts of others that I imagine they are having about myself. Also the exposure therapy that the other posting speaks of has been of great help but this mind reading of mine or projection of thoughts of mine when someone is looking at me is still there and strong as ever and I would say out of control. I would say that the exposure therapy has helped the anxiety only but has not helped me control these run away (racing thoughts ?) thoughts.

Just one final note for some reason in my way of thinking I believe and think that if one or group of persons treat me in a certain way others will treat me the same. Maybe the reason why I tend to project these unwanted thoughts onto to others who I have never met before.

 

[white page]

Re: Caring about what others think of me

HI Justsomeone ,

thanks for your post , I do hope that you manage to control those distressing thoughts , you didn't mention whether you were still seeing a therapist .

all the best wp

 

[Lana]

Re: Caring about what others think of me

Sorry Lana.
I had forgotten about my original posting last year. Thats one of the things I also have trouble with is with my memory.

No worries, JS

I'll merge them together so that others could share the benefit of Daniel's reply.

 

[Lana]

All done...though name has changed...hope that everyone can still find it. :blush:

 

[Daniel E.]

I would say that the exposure therapy has helped the anxiety only but has not helped me control these run away (racing thoughts ?) thoughts.

JS, here is an article I found recently:

Self-Help for Social Phobia - Psychlinks

Any decently good therapist should be able to use such CBT methods to help you identify and challenge the negative thoughts. That way, they will be easier to ignore over time. It is a very gradual process, at least for me, as I still deal with ruminative thinking.

 

[justsomeone]

Re: Caring about what others think of me

HI Justsomeone ,

thanks for your post , I do hope that you manage to control those distressing thoughts , you didn't mention whether you were still seeing a therapist .

all the best wp

Thanks again. Unfortunately I am still seeing a therapist but not on a regular basis because his focus of the therapy is not on CBT but rather coaching me more on exposure therapy. At $160/session its kind of expensive.

 

[justsomeone]

JS, here is an article I found recently:

Any decently good therapist should be able to use such CBT methods to help you identify and challenge the negative thoughts. That way, they will be easier to ignore over time. It is a very gradual process, at least for me, as I still deal with ruminative thinking.

Thanks Daniel for the link it much appreciated. Hope everything works out for you too.

I have started taking a new medication called lexapro aka cipralex along with an existing one called seroquel. I am a true believer of CBT as I have read two books on this area of psychology and have seen its benefits. So we will see how things go from here. Everyone here on this site have been really helpful.

 

[amastie]

I'm very glad js

 

[white page]

I'm very glad js

Ditto