HotthenCold
Member
Hi there,
I couldn't really fit the exact nature of the problem in to the title, so I will elaborate a little bit.
I get bullied at work, and I want to stand up to the bullies because I'm tired of it.
The usual advice is to be assertive, pull them aside and have a calm talk with them and tell them I don't appreciate their behaviour towards me, and then go to HR if all else fails.
As with most problems in life, the cookie cutter advice falls flat because the issue is stickier than what can be solved by what most articles and videos suggest as a course of action.
I know I could handle asserting myself, I've done it before and I know it wouldn't be that difficult. But when I think about having to change the relationship I've established, one in which I suffer abuse but know the boundaries of my workplace, seems impossible to change. The reason I fear the change is because I don't have faith in my ability to consistently "be" this new assertive person, and I know once I stand up for myself the bullies will be scanning for any sign of weakness.
Also, I know I tend to get very worked up in situations like these, so I'm afraid I'll lose my cool and screw up my chance to fix this.
ALSO, I know these bullies are very immature and will probably just mock me more for standing up to them.
GAH!
So I'm at this maddening stand still and my anger is just building up. The only way to release it is to deal with the situation, but it seems too daunting in the long run.
I should also add that the bullies are one of my bosses and a couple co-workers, and they are well liked, fit in just fine, and are very passive aggressive and subtle about their bullying. With one exception. I received a forwarded email from a co-worker that was sent to them by one of the bullies, which the bully never intended me to see, and it say "HTC sucks" (not using my real name here). I saved a copy of the email and will be going to HR if nothing changes, but I need help devising a strategy for dealing with this in a professional, assertive way, when I tend to be excitable and overly self deprecating.
Seeing that email really hurt, and I'm fed up.
I couldn't really fit the exact nature of the problem in to the title, so I will elaborate a little bit.
I get bullied at work, and I want to stand up to the bullies because I'm tired of it.
The usual advice is to be assertive, pull them aside and have a calm talk with them and tell them I don't appreciate their behaviour towards me, and then go to HR if all else fails.
As with most problems in life, the cookie cutter advice falls flat because the issue is stickier than what can be solved by what most articles and videos suggest as a course of action.
I know I could handle asserting myself, I've done it before and I know it wouldn't be that difficult. But when I think about having to change the relationship I've established, one in which I suffer abuse but know the boundaries of my workplace, seems impossible to change. The reason I fear the change is because I don't have faith in my ability to consistently "be" this new assertive person, and I know once I stand up for myself the bullies will be scanning for any sign of weakness.
Also, I know I tend to get very worked up in situations like these, so I'm afraid I'll lose my cool and screw up my chance to fix this.
ALSO, I know these bullies are very immature and will probably just mock me more for standing up to them.
GAH!
So I'm at this maddening stand still and my anger is just building up. The only way to release it is to deal with the situation, but it seems too daunting in the long run.
I should also add that the bullies are one of my bosses and a couple co-workers, and they are well liked, fit in just fine, and are very passive aggressive and subtle about their bullying. With one exception. I received a forwarded email from a co-worker that was sent to them by one of the bullies, which the bully never intended me to see, and it say "HTC sucks" (not using my real name here). I saved a copy of the email and will be going to HR if nothing changes, but I need help devising a strategy for dealing with this in a professional, assertive way, when I tend to be excitable and overly self deprecating.
Seeing that email really hurt, and I'm fed up.